positive or negative?

Dear Surekha,

Sometimes the options are not black and white but grey. Two of the options appear so closely correct and we struggle a lot to find out which one is a better option.

I am just expressing my views on each one of your questions and this is just my humble opinion and others may think differently or may not agree with me.

A mother can't live the life based on others' opinion and she had to make her decision whether to report duty and spend more quality time when she gets back home or be with the child all the time based on what her conscience tells her to do. What she shouldn't do is to do one thing and regret that forever. She had to evaluate carefully and once she makes the decision, she should never regret.

If I were in the position of someone thinking negatively about me, I wouldn't try to prove myself. Instead, I would review their criticism carefully to see whether I had to make any changes in my behavior or character or lifestyle. If not, I will just remain who I am. If someone is angry for the right reason, I would apologize to them. If not, I would go my way and let them drive their own life the way they please. Angry person can never rationalize the reasons.

The last question about the aged parents is a difficult one. Parents struggle all their lives to make their children so successful. Can they afford to have their children squander the opportunities that they get? Can they afford to leave the parents high and dry in the home country to settle overseas? What is the adult children responsibility towards their children? If the adult children are educated in the home country and there is a chance to educate the grandchildren in a foreign country, are they doing the right thing by depriving them from such quality education?

In my view, these questions should be discussed in a family setting and depending on each family requirement, decisions will have to be made. There is no one right way. I have seen families were adult children sacrificed their opportunity to stay with the parents and in other cases they moved on fulfilling the wishes of the parents. Living overseas doesn't mean deserting the parents and there are many ways the adult children settled abroad could help their parents including giving the best of medical treatment when the parents need one.

Viswa

 

Dear Surekha, Decisions vary from person to person, family to family.The same decision which appears correct may prove to be a failure due to onset of failing health, unexpected deaths etc,
Viswa has stated that once we take a decision after careful thought we should not regret.So many things change after the careful thought process.There may be exigencies to feel regret and reverse our decision.
Human beings whether parents or children have to be flexible.
All parents will not be satisfied with money or medical help. Sometimes private care seems a must. In case children are unable to relocate due to constraints in job or children's edn, they have to get along listening to lamentations. Nothing could be done.

jayasala 42

 

Dear Surekha,
This positive and negative thing happens to all of us at many instances. If the results of our decision are good we consider it a positive thinking and if not negative. We decide based on that particular moment and situation or circumstances but later on we may be happy or regret. So, let us not feel guilty. Think we did our best and move on. It happens in almost day to day basis...small or big decisions. The conflict would always be there. Many times we try to develop a logic that we are right always. No, it is not so. It is self defence. Life is a combination of everything. Think well, plan well and proceed. Leave out everything to fate.
In the given situations that you mentioned if the baby is in good hands mother would feel happy.
If somebody misunderstand...explain to them and leave the decision to them and step back.
If aged parents are happy in staying back in India and children abroad it's fine. It is not eh finances but mental set up. If not both parties would be miserable. There are pluses and minuses in everything.
So, don't confuse yourself. As long as our intentions are good I believe things would work our fine.
Syamala

 

thank you sir...this is answer to my question with which i was fighting with myself since weeks:hatsoff...thank you. this is called maturity

 

yes surekha...i too have those two thoughts like any other human being. which makes us think and think and think. and once we make decision again same process...thinking...

but i dont know since last few months my life going thur big exams and if i look positively than i must accept that those things made me positive and matured and more independent which i was never before (thanks to IL too to sort all that)

but now once i make decision i m firm on that and also feels strongly that even though it must be wrong but will make sure to make it right and move further...

actually risk is part and parcel of life and we need to take it. i have observed that the person who thinks a lot dont do anything practically just keep thinking because they dont get time to do it practical (this was my past) so just decide and move forward ..jo hoga dekha jayega (my present)

 

Having self confidence, and confidence on your decisions would make you a balanced person when it comes to confusions.

There is no clear cut answers to any decisions, specially when it comes to motherhood. That too when you are looking up to the social acceptance, then it is very tough to get it always right.

I am a mother of 2. I have gone through this kind of situations all the time.

When my first baby was born, I wasn't too sure whether my mother can handle the baby at my absence. I wasn't confident whether my baby can handle his days without me.
And more importantly, I wasn't too sure about myself whether I can be peaceful at my workplace by leaving my tiny child at the hands of someone.
So, I decided to take a career break for 1 year till he grow.
In the mean time, I observed everything too carefully. I witnessed how coolly my child is getting along with my mom. How nicely my mom is mothering him. I weighed my presence at home for the child, and my presence at office during the same time for the family - including the child.
I also weighed other pros and cons and finally went to work after a year.

For the second one, I was pretty confident that my mom can handle. I felt that she needs help - so appointed a maid.
I was sure that the child could be at peace if certain arrangements were made as per certain way.
I ensured everything is cool; hence left for work when my child was just 4 months old the second time.

Both the times I had this society who had different opinions. Both decisions were tough as the first one gave us financial crisis, whereas the second one gave us emotional crisis. We weighed based on our capacity (financial, emotional, physical) to handle this; hence made the decision.

I had confidence on my decision, so I didn't felt confuse between the negatives and positives as everything has its own 2 sides. What matters is how much knowledgeable you are when you make a decision confidently.

 

Dear Surekha,

Like viswamithra says, there is no black or white, only shades of grey. We can only take decisions based on our best judgment of the current situations. We can never predict the outcome of our decisions.