No worry;She is there.

jayasala42 · Aug 7, 2015

Much against wishes of elders, my cousin gave his only daughter in marriage to a boy working in army,of course after getting full consent from his daughter.She is younger to me by 15 years.Whenever we met occasionally she used to narrate her experiences as a military wife.Lot of moving, moving and moving.Moving away from friends, towards new friends .Her trunk was full of memories.

The true meaning of the word'waiting' she knows better than anyone in the world.Waiting for housing, waiting for orders, waiting for deployment, waiting for phone calls, waiting for reunion only to be separated at short notice.
It is not an easy job.She has not only to handle cash but also handle yard work, fix a toilet if it does not work;May be she has to buy and sell cars;She is forced to be intimate with neighbours that don't welcome her;
Whether the house is in the city or desert or island,she has to make it a 'home'.She has to make or break friendship within a short span.Her husband is unique.He doesn't have a 'job'.He has a 'mission'.He is on call for his country 24x7.For him'duty' is first.But at home he is the most unreliable guy .
.
Women normally complain of MIL problem and fight over small issues when the husband comes a few hrs late.They have to learn a lot from military wives, who have to sacrifice so many things.
She has to understand how many milestones, how many smiles of children a husband misses during his deployment.

She has to keep herself very busy and engage children in positive channels so that they need not miss their father.Having married a military man( army, navy or airforce) she cannot afford to complain about loneliness.Instead of viewing it as jail term, get at the brighter side of viewing the world at Govt's expense has to be cultivated.

A great piece of advice given to her was"don't involve your life around his career.do something for yourself".

Becoming tense at every news brings havoc.
My cousin's daughter says that she avoided watching TV news.
" everytime I tune the TV, if something is happening where he is supposed to be,and it is too heavy a mental agony to bear with,I spent days terrified about something which could have happened, but which never happened and he was enjoying some games with his friends."But it is not possible to stay completely away from news channels."I had to wait for the army to convey the truth, good or bad."

In the military community gossip flies faster than space crafts.It is very difficult to stay out of gossip especially when some bad news is expected.
One has to learn that nothing happens the way we like.We have to move with the tide and learn to be flexible.
There is constant expectation about phone calls. If they come, do they reveal of the husband's safety?Even if it is otherwise, one has to stay strong for the sake of children.It is certainly ok to break down ,but one has to be strong enough to bounce back to normalcy.

"Experience of being a military wife,has taught me, my niece says,what it means to be resilent.,to roll back to normalcy after a down moment.Just like military men, military wives too have to display humble toughness while in crisis.'" my relatives say that Rupa, ( her name) has become too rough.She admits that it is a must to deal with situations.

Very often we see women complaining that their lives are full of tensions and not even her worst enemy should suffer like her.

But I feel that being a military wife needs much more mental strength, patience and perseverance and the probability of getting involved in crisis is much more higher.
A humble salute to those women who with their might and strength, enable their husbands ,get involved in their service to the nation-.No worry. SHE is there .

Jayasala 42

sangeethakripa · Aug 7, 2015

:wow a Beautiful write up.. You have honored their efforts through this write up..
A True Salute to them.

bhuvisrini · Aug 7, 2015

Hi Jaya,
I SALUTE and BOW MY HEAD :Bow:to all wives of Military men. Great narration

Akanksha1982 · Aug 7, 2015

Jaya Mam, thanks for sharing the story of your cousin's daughter. Yes, military personnel are heros and their wives are even greater heros. It is sad that politicians world wide give lip service to the military personnel but have never cared for them or their families. Even in US, after the lengthy Iraq war, recently their was a referendum on adding a parcel property tax for caring of war veterans. I think the government should take care of the military persons and their families. It took decades for the government to install a phone line on Sia Chin where our soldiers are protecting the nation in extreme weather. I feel bad when i hear news about not having proper resources - clothing, weapons, etc for our brave soldiers and policemen to protect themselves. While the politicians are busy promising freebies to people, they turn a blind eye to the sufferings of the soldiers. Even in US, Donald Rumsfield, the secretary of defense didn't even care to sign the letter of appreciation (the letters were stamped with his signature) to those who died in Iraq war. Such a pity.

iyerviji · Aug 7, 2015

True Jayakka military wives are great

Viswamitra · Aug 8, 2015

Dear Smt. Jayasala:

Thank you for sharing the life of a wife who's husband serves the Indian military. It looks like it is a very tough task. To be battle ready round the clock is always tough. Both the families as well as military personnel deserve a lot of respect and gratitude. I come across a lot of US army, Air Force and Marine families in the U.S. There is a lot of respect for the serving people as well as their families. Both young men and women loose their lives or become permanently disabled. Neither what they get paid in service nor veteran benefits are worth their effort. It is pure patriotism of those people that makes them serve military. It is all the more reason why I have so much respect for serving military staff as well as veterans. Sometimes, the same person is deployed several times. It is heartbreaking to know that they serve in difficult terrains like Afghanistan sometimes several hours without break with no water or food. Fortunately, the families are constantly in touch with serving personnel through satellite phones and social media. But they can't share their exact location even with family.

Viswa

suryakala · Aug 8, 2015

Dear Smt @jayasala42,

Military is a world in itself. It has got its own social structure, protocols,facilities,rules, and justice . A separate world for the commissioned officers and their wives,families and another world for ORs( other ranks) and their wives and families.

You have brought out so nicely the problems of being the wife of a person from the armed forces. Because, of the sacrifices of the officers and O.Rs of armed forces, which includes the sacrifice of their wives and children, the people of a nation enjoy what we know as 'Freedom'. A normal healthy person recognizes the act of breathing,which is so important, only when there is an occasion and the attention is drawn to breathing! Armed forces are the breath of a nation. But everyone of us recognises that the Armed forces and their families are entitled for the top sacrifices of the tax payer. And the wives and families of persons of Armed forces deserve every priority, recognition and support. Of course, India does that. But I think the sheer volume and our insufficiency of resources restrain us from doing much more in return.

A very good write write up! Enjoyed!

jayasala42 · Aug 8, 2015

Dear sangithakripa,
Thank you for the response.

Jayasala 42

jayasala42 · Aug 8, 2015

Dear Bhuvusrini,
Thank you for taking time to through my snippet.

Jayasala 42

jayasala42 · Aug 8, 2015

dear Akanksha,
Sad to know that some negligence prevails in US too.
We should understand the everprevailing tension among family members of military people.We feel very anaxious if the plane gets delayed, if the luggage is lost and even of the communication devices do not work. We get agitated even if it is a question of a few hrs. But they have to wait patiently for days or even months hoping for the best to happen.
It is because of their sacrifice we live with peace.

jayasala 42