Bringing up children

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Jul 27, 2015

Nowadays people wish to have only one child and few may prefer to have two children. The reason they tell is that they can give more attention and a better quality of life. My parents had five children, we have three children and my children have two children. That is fine and I don't find anything wrong with this.

Those who have one child (not all the parents) pamper the child too much and get the child spoiled. On the other hand too much of control or bullying also will spoil the child. A child should be given freedom like a cow which is tied to a pole, but could move to certain distance freely. A child should be given freedom to mix with other children. The child should not be bound by status symbol and be advised to mix only with equal status children. It doesn't mean that they should fall into bad company by keeping friendship with spoiled children.

Children should be taught to eat on their own after at least when they complete three years.they should be introduced to all type of healthy food at the young age. I have seen mothers spoon feeding even teen age children. Love and affection should not be a hindrance to children in fulfilling their basic needs and make them dependent on parents for each and everything.

Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self discipline, good work. Good habits, kind and considerate behavior with others, and community service. Normally children look up to their parents as role models. Make it a point not to quarrel before children or abuse anyone. Children observe and absorb from childhood and so it is easy to tune our children if we are careful in our behavior.

A boy and girl should be treated equally and also household chores should be taught to both of them. Teaching them to cook simple food is also essential.

Nowadays children are exposed to many good and bad things due to the invasion of technology. Hence parents should be alert and make them understand the moral or immoral activities. When children ask questions parents should answer them and clear their doubts.If parents do not know the answer they should tell them that they will find out the answer and tell them later.

Parents should never compare the children with siblings or friends. Each child has got its own limitations and interest in different subjects. Parents should encourage if they find an inborn talent in the child and let it blossom. Most of the parents try to make the children learn what they desired, but missed in their childhood.

The saying "Spare the rod and spoil the child" denotes that children need to be punished for wrong doing. Nowadays children are very sensitive and they do not like to be reprimanded in front of others. We need lot of patience and tactics to handle them.

A child is a precious soul to be brought up with love and discipline to know right from wrong, but there are limits to the disciplinary practices to be taken. With love, forbearance and moderate disciplinary action a child could be corrected.

Spend quality time with your children to make them feel loved, wanted, worthy and build their self esteem so they go out and face the world with confidence.

Viswamitra · Jul 27, 2015

Dear Mrs. Srinivasan:

It is true that families are getting smaller and smaller and more and more parents want to have smaller families so that they would be able to manage their time well and handle their responsibilities well. Nuclear family has become a norm and especially when both parents are working, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to take care of more children.

Children build discriminative power as they grow up and it is important to transition from regulating the children from discipline and love to make them arrive at independent conclusions on right living. Children capable of taking decisions on their own turn out to be extremely good in managing their life after they become adults. Listening to them, questioning them to make them think, guide them towards the right decision, etc. become the duty of the parents after the children grow up.

It is important to teach the children to interact with children of various status and train them to manage their own life well. Comparing them with other children is the worst way to bring their confidence down. Each child has skills that are to be promoted. When parents spend quality time with the children, it gives them confidence to open up with them when they need advice or help.

As you rightly pointed out some (but not all) parents do spoil their only child. We raised only one child but gave him enough freedom to make decisions. We never fail to discipline him when we need to at the same time showered him with love as well. Pampering children whether the parents have one or more is always bad.

Viswa

iyerviji · Jul 28, 2015

Dear Pushpa Mami

I second all your points. It will be useful for all young parents. Thanks for the awesome post

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Jul 29, 2015

Dear Viswa,
Nuclear family has become the norm of the day. But children have access to many gadgets due to technological development. Though these gadgets are like a double edged sword parents can guide them to use them in an effective manner.

Any thing in excess is not good and so blind love and harsh punishment is also not good.

We all know that you would have been a role model to your son and there would have been no need to teach him anything. As parents we also never had to teach our children anything after certain age. We allowed them to choose the course they wanted to study on their own.

Thanks for the valuable points you have made in raising the children to make them successful in life,

PS