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What gives woman her identity?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jskls, Jul 17, 2015.

  1. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Is it her external appearance? Is it the gender that attributes to her birth. Is it her capability of carrying genes to the next generation? Is it the way she feels at heart as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister , as a daughter-in-law or as a friend,? Is it the unconditional love she showers in the role she plays? Is it the duties she performs?

    Is it the education she receives? Is it her professional development/advancement? Is it her modernization? Is it her financial independence or economic stability? Is it the emotional bond she exhibits? Is it her calm/composed way of acting during crisis? Is it her mental strength and will power?


    No it's not women's day or mother's day. but suddenly this question popped up in my mind. What would happen if someone loses any/some of the attributes mentioned here. She always juggles role and loses some role too. Will she/ Should she fear the feeling of losing her identity at heart? There can be many more reasons and not everything applies to everyone. But still want to get valuable opinion from elite ILites here. I am trying to find some answers and so I would simply be following this thread.

    Thank you
     
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  2. GPriya

    GPriya Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    In my opinion, financial independence is what gives an identity to a woman. Other factors like love, emotion, compassion, bonding are all the things we women are born with..some exhibit such qualities, some don't..that doesn't mean they don't have it in them. As long as a woman is financially independent, her other deficiencies are not greatly commented/criticized by any one. Nowadays, even kids don't like stay at home mom. MONEY solves everything, though it comes at a price!!!!
    Education, employment, career, earning capability etc., are all geared to empowering women that leads to an identity which no body can it away from her. But then exercising her power when needed depends on the smartness of a woman. We read in the forum that even after educated highly and earning, women get abused physically, emotionally by their spouse and inlaws and she puts up with it..why? because her education did not give her the smartness she needs, to deal with her life with self respect in tact.
    Thas my 2 cents worth!!!!!
     
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @jskls,

    Like beauty, identity is also in the eyes of the beholder. For children, it is her unconditional love. Education gives her a degree and professional position gives her an employment status. In my view, a woman plays multiple roles as a daughter,, wife, dil, mother, employee, professional, etc. to different people. Identity is very transient and changes from time to time. She is performing her role on the play written by the Universal Absolute.

    Identity should be whatever others perceive her to be but what she really is her divine consciousness. When the identity created comes to an end at the end of life, what remains with her is her character. What she developed as values is carried forward to her next life and eventually shows ways to recognize her true identity as divine consciousness. This is not only applicable for women but also for men.

    The happiness and peace is not to be what she thinks she is, what others think she is but it really in what she truly is. Divine consciousness is her real identity and all other identity other than that would eventually disappear in the unreal world.

    Viswa
     
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  4. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think what gives a woman her identity is self worth / self esteem and loved ones. And that comes not just from outward appearance or wealth (or job) or education or the various roles she plays as mother or daughter or wife.

    If one were to ask me, my loved ones give me self worth and identity. If I were to lose everything but have my family intact, I know we will be fine.
     
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  5. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    It shouldn't be this way, but financial independence does give an identity to a woman. Even if she is a homemaker and takes care of the house and family and the family reciprocates her with love and respect, there is always a feeling in her that she is dependent on others. At the same time, if she is working and earning, she knows that she can stand by herself and that gives her the identity.

    My mom was well respected and loved in our house (including my father's siblings respected her as their mother), yet she always told me that a girl should educate and earn and be independent. She always regretted that she couldn't complete her studies and work.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    It depends from person to person.

    for some it is motherhood,for some it is their job,for some it is the pride and security of having a wonderful family.

    Whatever gives a woman the sense of security is her identity.
     
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  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear madam jskls,

    Madam,


    You have raised multiple questions normally raised in meetings conducted by'Women Empowerment Groups'.


    Compared to men women have multiple roles and as Viswa said that there is some identity in each role.Identity is essentially a problem of'ego' and it may not be possible for any woman to excel or to be perfect in all the roles.When she goes to office when the child is ill, she is unable to concentrate on her profession and is unable to do justice.


    Women who remain single are able to reach the top position very fast, they earn a lot, lead a luxurious life;yet they crave for being called a wife, mother or grandma.If they gain identity in one sphere another identity is totally lost.People who who take the role of wife, mother and professional may not be able to do full justice to all the roles notwithstanding external help, extra hours of work they put forth, since human ability is limited.The false identity of involving in too many things, make their minds clouded and all the roles unsatisfactorily accomplished and again they long for proper identity. At some stage they feel that they are incompetent everywhere.


    Women from girlhood were being told that they would find fulfillment and happiness as wife and mother in traditional feminine roles.This was quite fine as girls believed it as such.As education advanced and women started working and earning,their roles multiplied and all satisfaction vanished giving place to depression.It is not actually lack of identity but longing for too much identity.
    Feeling of identity is very much relative.Some women just confine themselves to cooking, are satisfied in sending children to normal school.But as extra curriculars become very significant, woman wants to be identified as a mother of good singer, dancer or a great athlete.Now self identity gets linked to the identity of the child also.sometimes the child of a professional mother may not do well in Carnatic music and the teacher may like to withdraw her tuitions.Now the great identity the mother has established as a vice president of the company and her financial status crumble pieces because of the remarks of the teacher.



    I feel that women actually are not aware of what real identity is.The wholesome identity is made of different small identities.While they are successful in some and moderate in others.They have to make up their mind to strike an average,that is all.


    Normally it is the tendency of women to reach the top whichever field they take.When the reality of impossibility strikes them, they are unable to digest.
    " My husband is good and kind, moving up in career;We have a new home,enough cash, two good loving kids intelligent enough.I have a moderate job of my own,Still I feel"Is this all there in life?'many women grumble.

    What more do they want?
    As times change traditions also change.Society makes particular demands on the way women live,from the clothes they wear to the jobs they take.Women are subtly conditioned that over achievement is an 'unfeminine trait".
    As women try to break off from this tradition and enhance their image in education and profession,they have aspirations that do not fit with the traditional womanhood roles.they are caught in the web of tradition, expectation and reality.
    Now there is 'identity crisis' with more of 'identity; available-that is the problem of plenty.


    Education, empowerment and financial freedom everything is ok. But women should realise that there is no gain without pain.You cannot get all the identity ambitions satisfied in life.
    if we ask a person to lift one leg,he will lift his one leg.Now if we ask him to lift the other leg,he may not do it so easily.It is clear that freedom to lift one leg prevents him from exercising his freedom to lift the other leg.Every freedom creates its own bondage.To be free in freedom and to be free in bondage is a part of wise living.

    Women have a choice.The choice has it own bondage.
    we only hope that the intuitive self of women would guide them properly and make them not lament over the non existing 'identity crisis'-which definitely has its own limitations.Let wiser counsel prevail.



    Jayasala 42
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The ability to support herself financially. It doesn't matter if she is currently working. If she has the confidence that she can support herself financially should the need or inclination present itself, then, the woman has a confidence that spreads to many aspects of life.

    Followed by emotional independence- not overly dependent on approval of others.

    jskls, the questions are nicely open-ended.

    Beyond the financial and emotional independence, I think it is the loved ones that give a person self-worth and identity. (got the words from sdiva's post above).
     
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  9. SujathaR

    SujathaR Gold IL'ite

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    No one gives or takes a women's identity. It's by birth and also its from their heart and not from external appearances alone.

    For example, in my case, I feel happy and proud to feel as a women. but by birth I am a boy. But that does not stop me by enjoying my womanhood.
     
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  10. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    I have same view as @sdiva and @rihana.....

    My freedom/independence gives me the happiness/pleasure. The nurturing part of the woman completes me as whole. As a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and so on, the circle around me gives that identity.
     
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