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Funeral Fun

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, May 29, 2015.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Funeral Fun

    Whats App is damn good . look what i received as a attachment of someone advertising his deadly wares.Just read it with a straight face.

    IMG-20150528-WA0016.jpg

    This is the Advertisement pamplet many households must have received in Bijnor,UP , as they are reading their newspapers and having a nice hot cup of tea. Jamaludin Swargwasi is the proprietier of this unique service, which offers so many facilities for the departed, rather for the families of the departed.

    There are packages, Golden , silver, and iron, for 20,000, 15 and 10. The first one gives u 100 people to accompany the dead body to the crematorium/burial grounds, so that it looks impressive. This is like, a weddign where a barat is on the road, the more the musicians, and the people dancing, the more impressive is the wedding.

    Same here, 100 guys by proxing, going in the hot sun, changing Ram Naam Sat Hai, poor guys have to be paid u see. Hence the charges.

    The next package of 15000 has 50 people , and the iron package of 10,000 has just 4 guys, to hold the body, called the kandhis. The covering cloth, and other things are included in the package.

    i guess this guy is copying me, i had written a blog sometime back, about learning how to die, wherein i too would provide services to the rich, about their condolences meet held in AC auditoriums, soft drinks, etc to be served, and a pre recorded video of the departed would be played where he would be welcoming all to his condolence, and thanking them for coming, and highlighing his own acheivements, and telling them, that this is the last time u guys are seeing me etc.

    And he would announce that his close friends , who were his drinking buddies, he has left some amount for them, wherein on his brthday and death day, they meet in a restaurant and have dinner and drinks at his account, and raise him a toast.Wow, eh !

    That is called Dying in style, and so that is what Jamalbhai is saying. He is also saying that if u buy a 100 coffin saman, u will get a lottery ticket from him, in which u can win a car also.

    HAHA.

    But the best is Micheal Pinto of mumbai the world famous undertakers whose interview i had taken a few years back. Danny pinto is the son now in charge, and he has done the bodies of Rajiv Gandhi and Mother Teressa personally alognwith his team. Just one another person had interviewed him, and that was guess who, Khuswant Singh, my idol, and i was the second.

    He told me tales, of buring people, and when they go to pick up the bones after 18 months , the period when the lease expires of the grave, they see the body upside down, meaning the guy was alive when buried.A few such cases occured, and he says now many christians prefer to burn the dead, or the supposed dead, so that he does not come back alive, to clain back his property.

    And he said of that body they brought from the hosptial morgue, with the death certificate, in the hearse. Suddenly in the middle of the traffic, the dead man got alive and sat and wondered what is he douing in the casket. Tehy took him back to the hospital, and got the death certificate torn, the doctor fainted who had certified him dead.

    that grateful man lived many years, and eveyr week , would pop into pinto's sjop at Mahim, to say hello and thanks.

    Well creative brains come out with money making schemes even in death eh ! Not bad, death is a funny business too.

    Jamuluddin, may yr tribe live long. You made me smile.

    HAHA

    KAMAL MAHTANI
     
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  2. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    Good one.So now we can plan our death in style. I had a good laugh by reading classification of Rs.20,000/,Rs.15,000/ and Rs.10,000/

    I think he is little weak in maths.If 100 people come with the dead person for 20,000/- means 50 person should accompany for Rs.10,000/ na.thinkingsmiley

    Very soon like wedding planner we will start having Death planner also.
     
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  3. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    An event manager for the last journey of a person! A very good idea!

    PS
     
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  4. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji that is good business.But why only gold class. He should have a platinum class with gun carriage, gun salutes and homage with weapons reversed. I am surprised that you stopped at soft drinks. There should be an open bar at condolence meetings so that people acan drink and drive their funeral blues away. If the news of the bar spreads the condolence meetings would have more attendees.Frankly crematoriums must have a bar and restaurant attached to them. Since many don't eat after a funeral without a bath, luxuriously appointed bathrooms can also be set up and after the bath the mourners can have a few drinks at the bar and proceed for their mea.l at the restaurant.
     
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  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji, now I have a business suggestion for you. You should take a copy of your blog on the subject, go to this guy's shop and tell him he copied your idea and you need a few hundred lakhs from him if he does not want his backside hauled to court.....and then give me half the proceeds for having given you this idea!
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    In Madras already the death planner has started his business. Gnaanavapi with the blessings of Paramacharya is functioning very nicely.They too have different packages for the 13 day ceremonies. a separate package for the first 2 days, now made into one since electrical cremataorium is preferred by one, where chance of escape is Nil., but not of the type explained in the snippet.

    One jocularly remarked" You just provide us a body;we will do the rest.'They also help in getting Medical certificate, death cert, Legal heirship cert,of course for a charge.

    During poet Bharathi's( a great patriot) death , hardly 10 people participated in the precession. Hereafter such instances may not happen.
    Arranging for death ceremonies is not new. Even in old days there were people called professional weepers( koolikku maaradippathu) in Tamil, who were experts in extempore composing of songs in praise of the deceased.
    My amma was such a person, she composed a few lines as soon as some death occurs in the village. The lyrics were apt, compassionate to moisten the eyes of everybody.

    My husband lost his father very early in life and was brought up by his grandfather with much affection and discipline. That grandfather passed away 5 or 6 years after my marriage. My Amma came immediately and sang for nearly 10 mts elaborating the sacrifices.As all the villagers assembled and my amma was asked to sing'once more'..

    My grand ma ( mother-in-law and maternal grand mother of my Amma ) was equally an expert. She attended to so many deliveries in the village helped to conduct many functions. She died at the age of 94 when I was six.

    Just 6 months before her death she composed five or 6 songs and set it to some sympathetic tunes - oppaari( elegy) in appreciation of herself and trained all her daughters.DIL s and grandchildren to sing the songs in various tunes suited to the occasion with chorus screams in between. She wanted to listen to the encomia heaped on her while she was alive,( She may not listen to the same on the day of her death).Perhaps that was her final wish. If there tapes we would have recorded the songs. My Amma was totally against this rehearsal everyday in the evening at 6P. M. and she considered it as very inauspicious. But the old lady was all in all at home and she never bothered. After 6 months the grandma passed away.

    The children who were practising it as a fun ,really were choked in tears. The songs were repeatedly sung as a band of visitors arrived from adjacent villages.
    To day nobody weeps aloud or feels like weeping. They execrcise self control.I don't know whether it is due to viveka or maturity or dearth of affection or a feeling of great relief.
    Sometimes the pundits urge the women to cry beating the chest, since the house does not look like a 'death place'.
    Sorry for long comment.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  7. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice find Kamalji. Sounds like a complete recession proof business. Rain or shine, someone surely dies. In US, they have funeral director who arranges everything from casket to flowers, to cleaning up and dressing the dead body, printing booklets with information of the deceased etc. The funeral homes have different packages and the charges for just cremating runs from $3000 to $5000 or more. People who bury, they buy land for their burials.

    In India, death functions are also getting bigger just like wedding. Instead of people visiting the house, the family members of the deceased rent a A/C hall and arrange a prayer meeting. This way the family do not have visitors coming every day at different time for a month and they have to repeat the same to everyone. They also call profession singers and band to recite bhajans.

    So i am not surprised at the new business. Kamalji, you should patent your business ideas and start getting royalties.
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Death is a big business in the United States. I have mentioned this to you before and for the benefit of others I will mention it again. It is very common for living persons to receive calls from funeral homes to let them know how important it is for them to book the real estate (the resting place) in advance. After my family migrated to the United States, my wife received such call at home when I was away in the office. She panicked and called me at the office to find out whether it is a spurious call. I also didn't know anything about it and my colleagues educated me about this. Then, I let her know that it was normal to receive such calls. When one walks into funereal homes, one will be surprised with sophistication. Fully air-conditioned hall where the people gather to pay last tributes and speak about the person who just died. A very well decorated rack is sold at a premium price for rich individual's urn to be kept only to be opened every anniversary day. The green grass, trees, lakes, etc. are very common adjacent to the grave yards. The peace of mind for those who die is much better than the one who live. They live in a nicer environment far away from busy interstates and high-rise buildings.

    Viswa
     
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  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Harini,
    Welcome to my blogs and thanks for the first comment.
    Yes we can plan our deaths in style. HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     
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  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pushpa,

    if one wants to spend money there are so many avenues, this being one.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal

     

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