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Adult child Vs Parents

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by shalinis, May 1, 2015.

  1. shalinis

    shalinis Bronze IL'ite

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    All the parents in the world please listen….

    Dear mom and dad,

    You have given birth to me, sacrificed lots of things for me, brought books, clothes, paid my school fees, exam fees, college donation what not everything. In return what do you want? Should I definitely return you something??? If so what is it???

    You have fantasies before I’m born. While I move about in the womb, you make predictions: “This will be a very active baby; this one’s going to be an athlete.” As years pass, the fantasies change form. You wanted me to be the good boy. I must behave well, be healthy, get first rank always, top university exams for gold medal, get good job. You want me to be the best one who is paid highest amongst all your friends’ sons. You want me to marry the richest person in the community only after earning good amount of money with bank balance, credit cards, own house, rich car etc. You want to show the world that your son is best of all and always do what you like not what he wants do. No need to remind me that somebody’s son has done something for parents. If I’m capable I’ll do more that. A normally functioning adult child will not reject a parent for no reason. There is a reason; the parent likely does not want to confront the reason. For fulfilling all your unrealistic expectations did you ever realize how much pressure, stress and depression I have dealt with? For the sake of your show off how many years you want me to act? I’m your child not a robot.

    Demanding from your child who is incapable of meeting your expectation is frustrating. "Woman with 10 grown children collects recyclable items to survive" always creates much attention. We always discuss about old age homes and children who have neglected their parents at old age, but what about very much grown up youngsters who are dying to reach parents expectations. Please don’t make our relationship a business that you have spent for our education and we must return in these forms. Even your business may go loss sometimes, why not me? Please realize that I’m not enjoying in air conditioned office hours instead working hard and harder for you.

    Mom n Dad, You can’t be so selfish and unrealistic. Have some compassion for your adult children and help yourselves first and in return your children will not hesitate to help you. The bottom line is that today, in the 21st century, if parents want their children to love them, they need to earn that love. A parent can no longer demand love, or try to manipulate it through belittling, guilt and martyrdom or because of a shared genetic lineage.


    Your child
     
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  2. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    This is so true. Parents being neglected by children is always highlighted in our society. But the cases of bad parenting are never mentioned. We have movies like Baghban which become super hits, but the scenarios of parents guilt tripping their adult kids is never talked about. If this topic even comes up, it will always be swept under the rug by calling it parents' love, family values and indian culture.

    I have seen people who do the bare minimum in raising their kids but expectation is for the kid to behave as Lord Rama. Comparing with others, asking for money, asking for properties to be put on their name, always mentioning about parents of other kids who have gotten themselves green cards, how well the other kids look after their parents, pinpointing dialogues in movies that highlight greatness of parents.....the list goes on!

    All this make me think of why people have kids? I wanted to have kids only for my happiness, my longing to be a mom. I am sure most everybody have similar reasons. Then how does this relation turn so materialistic? The love of children towards their parents is being measured against the riches they lavish on their parents.

    Guess parents' love is not unconditional as we think.
     
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  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do I feel it is written by a frustrated DIL ..
     
  4. Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Why should it be a DIL? :)

    can't a son/daughter feel this way about their parents?
     
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  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very well said OP. Love is all about paying it forward- to your children, to the society and to those that are need.

    Parents should raise their child with love in the hope that they turn out a good and productive human being in society not the best of best to keep up with others. If they raised their child well, that child in turn should grow up to be capable individual and a good parent to their children. That should be a legacy of a parent to their child.

    Parents should teach their children to pay forward to the next generation not extract their pound of flesh for having given birth and raised them. Such parents are nothing but selfish.

    If I know even a little bit about loving my parents, I learned from my parents example of how they loved and took care of both their parents. If I know anything about loving my parents-in -laws, I learned that my husband who loves my parents as if he were their own son.

    P.S. I am no frustrated DIL :)
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Shalinis,
    Very nice presentation on behalf of children stated to be tortured by parents.
    It is true that parents setup unrealistic expectations on children.But a reasonable expectation, a disciplined behaviour, at least a 70% average in Indian standards cannot be considered over expectation. Since some parents harass the children all parents cannot be blamed.It is true that some adamance and misbehaviour ,if not corrected early will stand established and any reformation may become difficult.

    Jayasala 42
     
  7. shalinis

    shalinis Bronze IL'ite

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    No, its not only a frustrated DIL but at the same its a friend, cousin, even stranger to somebody whose parents does so... But think is this the way of parenting or selfishness.:notthatway:
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    The saddest part iss when some of them cannot keep up with the parent's expectations and choose to give up on life.

    Every few days there is news of some one taking their life because they couldn't bear with the academic pressure. That they find it easier to kill themselves,rather than talk it out with unreasonable parents ...or talking it out with parents is even more stressful .....is really sad.
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    That is the way we are...the mistakes of elders are not talked about .They do things for everyone's good only......
     

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