When is a No a No? When we Know the No…

GoogleGlass · Apr 30, 2015

When is a No a No? When we Know the No…

There are many a situations when we exactly know the outcome and want to say a firm No. But does that happen, No not at all. When do we know or learn to say a no?

It doesn’t happen that easily at least for those who are over 3 decades and never learnt the art of saying a firm no.

The younger generation has learnt it so well that it practices the art excessively, is it so? Probably yes the ones on the receiving the no feel so (the ones 3 decades and over) and not the ones that use it to the/their best.

This is a crunch situation and need to come out of it for the better of the older ones. What is the solution?

There are courses to teach the “Art of Saying a No”, time someone starts a course on the “Art of Receiving a No” – admission strictly for the ones over 3 decades older.

Saying a yes where a no suits better but still it does no harm, isn’t it better to say that stupid yes and keep the older ones happy. Isn’t this something similar to the “White lie” S’ wrote about.

The younger ones are born in technology, they don’t need any special skills to learn them and use them, and it comes naturally to them. The older ones have the wealth to buy them but not the wealth of knowledge/skills to learn them and use them easily.

What a disparity life is? Why is that now the old ones are the ones to keep learning the skills to just manage to survive to co-exist with the intelligent younger ones?

Has it been so for all the generations or is it just the older generation of the present facing this? I leave it to each one of you to figure out in which generation you are and am now quite busy in searching for the course “Art of Receiving a No” to know better and tackle the younger ones and keep my stress levels under control.

Now do you wonder why all this started? It all started when I wasn't able to say a firm no to the alien food - a pasta my dd made and I was not able to say a no and was blinking like an alien truly after taking it.

Dad, don't you ever know to say a no if you don't like it. My mind was thinking quietly as ever, if I had known that you would not be existing my dear.

I realized at the same time it is time to learn to receive a no as well, frequently my dd says that to me, she has learnt that from her mom, it naturally comes to women folks is it?

Similarly a dot at the end of the conversation is a beginning of another sentence to me and for the women a dot uttered by them is the end of the chapter/story. Why is there no gender neutrality in this? If I try saying a dot, that's the end of my chapter/story.

Balajee · Apr 30, 2015

GG No may be a simple monosyllable but has complex ramifications. While a yes simply means a yes, no often does not mean no. It often means "okay{ and sometimes even a "yes". If we take every no as no we would only earn the contempt of many, particularly in matters like wooing a woman. In this case the other party wants to see how well you persevere. Same could be the case with business dealings. The other side wants to see how stubborn you are.

jayasala42 · Apr 30, 2015

Dear GG,
You have dealt with it very nicely.In our generation most of the requests were turned down initially and we had to beg for getting'yes'. But somehow the elders ,inspite of rejecting were reasonable to consider later.It was only a question of waiting with patience.
The situation of saying'No' arises in everybody's life-whether to children husband,wife,parents or clients.Many people say'yes' to save the face and then suffer for being unable to fulfill. We used to say in Tamil" daakshanyam dhana naasam'.We will be the losers if we give wrong promises.Better to say'no' and incur the displeasure than to say 'yes' and blink.
There are other situations in which 'no' becomes 'yes'.This is typical patriarchal families where it is below the dignity for gents to say 'yes' even for justifiable acts.When wife suggests something reasonable,invariably, a stubborn'no' will emanate. After 2 or 3 days he would give the same suggestion as if it has emanated from him. Intelligent wives do not argue and simply accept. Their job is done.Today many girls do not have the skill of accepting 'No' which may turn favourable to them. Ego creeps in and many ideas though reasonable don't reach the point of realisation.
Jayasala 42

Scorpio707 · Apr 30, 2015

LOL...credit to the pasta ah GG for this post

And I don't agree that if a woman says "NO" it's end of conversation GG, I think it's the other way around, how many men would simply stay put if we say "NO" :-D ...very few in numbers...well I am just recalling how nicely and sweetly I say "NO" for a lot of things to my DH but it rarely works :| . He has mastered the "Art of converting a NO to a forcible OK - Yes " shakehead :tongue

jskls · Apr 30, 2015

When a similar situation of offering something to my dad which he is not used to occured he at least said "ENOUGH" for the second serving, which I think is very positive way of saying 'No". I don't think woman can take 'No' as 'No', it could be just a pause after 'Yes' waiting to be continued..... Now my children do teach me to accept 'No' with no choice of course...

Viswamitra · May 1, 2015

Dear GG,

Eating Pasta once is okay. What would you do if your DD asks whether you need some more and when you answer negatively, if she asks, "Why, is it not good?" When a spouse tells a man, "I don't like jewellery", the man always assume, "unless it is really expensive". When she tells "I miss you", he automatically assumes, "the house is so quiet without your non-stop blabbering". When she asks, "When will you be back home?" he automatically assumes, "I have no plans to prepare dinner tonight and I would like to go out and eat."

In the above example, "I don't like jewellery" appears to be a "No" unless one understands the reasoning behind it. "I miss you" appears to be a welcome sign unless the man reads between the line. "When will you be back home?" is a welcome sign but for a different reason.

Sometimes body language is also important and I learned it the hard way when I visited my in-laws for dinner, the first time. I had the habit of eating all I don't like first and preserving the best for the last. Seeing me eating all I don't like, my MIL kept serving what I don't like over and over again until my wife said, "He does not like them".

Viswa

justanothergirl · May 2, 2015

...GG be brave..go on try that pasta..
When is a No a No?
There is that and there is also saying No but making it sound like a yes
...a fine art my patti perfected and tried in vain to teach me :bonk

Akanksha1982 · May 4, 2015

GG, I love pasta. Can't say no to pasta. With DH, many times, a no is a no. If he offers help and if I say no, its No for ever for that help. So i have to say yes.:rotfl