Expectations

It is all about me. I expect the world to perform to my expectations and without fulfillment of that desire, I feel miserable. At the same time, I don’t like anyone to have any expectation from me. How can I take anything from this world without first giving? It is giving that gives me a great sense of accomplishment. The world functions from giving of the Creator without which life would become unsustainable. I can call it love or something else but the bottom line is without it, the life becomes miserable.

When I plant a seed in my yard, I expect this plant to either give me beautiful flowers or give some fruits. At least I expect this plant to appear nice to decorate my home. I am pouring water every day and supply the necessary nourishments for the plant to grow quickly and remain healthy. I do everything that is required to make this plant grow successful with an expectation it would provide me something. It is all about me.

When I raise my pet, I expect him to give me company and be with me when I am stressed. I look after him very well as he provides unconditional love. I give him food, water and shelter with a hope that he would be loyal to me. Sometimes, I expect him to protect my house in my absence. I always expect him to listen to me and follow instructions. If he gets sick, I take him to the Veterinarian and cure him with the hope that he would stay in times of my need. It is all about me.

As I grow, I make many friends right from my childhood. When I am in the School, I have friends who would help me in my homework or share his notes with me when I am absent from the school. I also expect him to give me company and play with me during my play time. When I become an adult, I begin to build friendship with many with a hope that they would be with me in times of my need. When he seeks my help, I think twice about helping him but when I need help, I expect him to help without any hesitation. If he does not help me in times of need, I question his friendship. It is all about me.

When I reach a certain age, I am looking for a life partner. I expect her to give me company, share my pleasure and pain, become a person who would share her life with unconditional love and be supportive of me for life. I expect her to raise our children with or without my help. Sometimes, I even expect her to financially contribute to the family besides her domestic responsibilities. It is all about me.

When I raise my children, I expect them to educate themselves well and do some educational courses of my choice. If they have some weird educational ambitions, I prohibit them from pursuing such interest. I expect them to become a person the whole world will respect only to ensure that they don’t bring a bad name for my reputation and ability to bring them up well. If my children succeed according to my expectations and if most in the community congratulate me for the success of my children, I feel very elated. I consider my children who fulfill my wishes as my favorites. It is all about me.

When I look around me, all the plant and animals are performing their roles without any expectations from me. The Sun raises in the east and sets in the west without any expectations. The earth rotates itself besides circling the Sun continuously without any expectations. The atmosphere is filled with all the gases that are needed for me to exist and it is always free. I have enough water to sustain myself. At my will, I can create fire to cook anything I need. We have enough ether all around me that is filled with divine energy for me to function and fulfill my purposes. If I can get my mind to be much more grateful to what I have instead of what I don’t, I won’t be regreting. All I need is the gratitude to recognize the environment that is created exclusively for my survival. It is all about serving the humanity.

Let me be grateful to the mother earth for bearing the pain of my weight. Let me gracefully acknowledge the gentle breeze that comes from the nodding of the trees. Every time I drink a glass of water, let me thank it for quenching my thirst. Let me acknowledge the fire that helps me make food to sustain my body, mind and intellect. Lastly, let me also be grateful to the tools consisting of body, mind and intellect that help me to perceive the world around me. If I learn how to be grateful, that is as good as worshiping the Creator.

 

Dear Smt. Jayasala,

Thank you for mentioning the relevant lines from the scriptures in Sanskrit. I always wonder whether it is Sankalpa that lead us towards our goal or our own Prarabtha Karma. Lord Krishna says one should perform one's action with an attitude of performing it for the Lord with no expectation of the fruits. That kind of Nishkama Karma would lead us towards wiping the Prarabtha Karma that we inherit from one life to another. I often struggle with my own mind's dilemma how do I conduct my life with an attitude of surrendering all the actions to the Lord? How do I gratefully acknowledge the life I am bestowed with for purifying my Self? As I have often mentioned, my writings are not reflection of what I practice but what I long to practice so that the members of this elite Forum can share their wisdom with me for corrective action. My Guru taught us, "The human beings are born to learn not to be born again" and this teaching reverberates in my blood every single day. The only learned people like you can guide me understand the perspective of leading life meaningfully to achieve peace and bliss.

Viswa

 

Dear Smt. Srinivasan,

Thank you for your response. Creating a strong will power to get rid of expectations but improve our performance to build our character is very hard. As you rightly said, that is why we are gifted with discrimination. We do things not because it is easy but because it is hard. In my thoughts, I understand the concept that reducing expectations and enhancing my performance to build character produces the best results. I always look at expectation as a denominator and performance to build character as numerator. While implementing this, I end up eroding value by having an expectation here and there. Your response is very comforting.

Viswa

 

Dear Sabitha,

Speaking the mind with an intent to find answers are never out of line and as Maharishi Ramana said, "It is self-inquiry that leads to better living".

I may be wrong but I am not looking at what you described as an expectation but as an act of gratitude to appreciate the beauty of the flowers and to teach the children to be grateful for the opportunity to add value to the life of the next generation by showering unconditional love. On the contrary if you complain about the plants not doing its part well due to their circumstances, it becomes an expectation. It is a question of acceptance of whatever is the result without any grudge.

When I give extra money to my maid servant who helps us at home because she needs help out of love and compassion that becomes an act of gratitude of appreciating the opportunity to be in a position to help. At the same time, if I plan that it would increase her loyalty, it becomes expectation. I remember an incident when someone who comes to mow our lawn was not cutting my lawn properly and when I watched him carefully, I noticed that he was using a manual lawn mower that has lost its blade. I asked him why can't he buy a new lawn mower vehicle and he replied, "I have no credit history and without a substantial deposit no one will give credit". When I probed further I learned that the machine would cost him $2,000 and he needed an up front payment of $ 500 and the balance he could pay in installments over several months. He also said he could get more business if he has a larger lawn mowing vehicle. I gave him $500 and when he responded that I can deduct $50 per month from his pay, I refused to do so because it would set an expectation in my mind that he would continue to work for me forever. He bought a new lawn mover and is happy. I found happiness in making him happy.

My Guru has a habit of asking people, "What do you want?" and one person who visited him said, "I want happiness" and he replied, "remove "I" and remove "want" and what is left out is "happiness". I may aspire to be Bill Gates in my next life not because he is wealthy but because he is able to help so many people in need through his magnificent effort to help people in need. But each one of us have come here to perform our role however small it is. Why should I even compare with anyone else and want to be that person? If I understand the oneness in all, the realization that I am no different than anyone else would come to me. I believe my experiences are customized for my needs and I have to learn lessons out of it in order to make progress. I can emulate Mother Teressa to be of help to the people in need in this life and certainly, I don't want to come again to be born as Mother Teressa. Who knows what she experienced to become such a divine soul other than her?

Viswa

 

Dear Syamala,

Desires breed more desires and as and when we fulfill a desire, another one crops up from our mind and trying to appease desires is like trying to have a bath in the Ocean after the waves stop. For that the proposed method is to bring a ceiling on desires so that one can slowly eliminate all desires. Learned people talk about sublime mind that is quiet and peaceful is the one that has the potential to see the inner strength.

As far as expectation is concerned, in my opinion, it only enhances the feeling that the power of achieving anything remains with the body and mind. It prevents one from the opportunity to surrender the actions to the Lord and take whatever results emerge out of our actions. In simple terms, it promotes dualism. It also does not allow you to enjoy the present moment. Lord Krishna in Bhagavat Gita tells that one should do his duty without any expectations. As I mentioned to Sabitha, raising a plant or a child with an intent to contribute to their growth is perfectly an attitude of serving. However, expecting a plant to give certain level of yield or children to become a particular professional in line with the family tradition is an expectation. There is subtle difference between the two. When love is tainted with expectations it becomes conditional.

Why do you think Bill Gates resigned as Chief Executive of Microsoft? He was not satisfied even when he was the richest man in the world. After setting up the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation to eradicate poverty and health issues around the world, he is a very happy man. What is his expectation before and what is his expectation now? Earlier, he wanted Microsoft to be the world conquering software product that would enhance his personal wealth, power and pride. Now, he is expecting his wealth as well as others who pledged money to his Foundation to solve the world issues. His expectation switched from being personal to being for the common good of people. How good is a research if that could be applied for the common good of people? Bill became from a man of success to man of value. Albert Einstein said, "Try not to become a man of success, but become a man of value"

Lastly, what Vivekananda had to say about expectation?

"In life don't expect anything from anyone because expectation when not fulfilled gives you pain. When you get something without expecting, it gives you pleasure. Keep doing your part and leave the rest to God."

Viswa