My Mother was,is and always will be an enigma to me

My mother was ,is and always will be an Enigma to me

It was the year 1956,the third of June .Our family lived in our native village,as per my father’s wish, who wanted to spend the rest of his life in his native place.That day was a fine day because it was my father’s sixtieth birthday.As is the custom in South, our family had planned his birthday on a grand scale as his ‘aruvatham kalyanam’.Our sprawling house was decorated with flowers,rangolis etc.All the relatives and friends who had been invited had arrived.The hall was ready , decorated with a dais for the function .My father, a very fair,chubby man with a genial face, had worn his new clothes and was sitting on the dais, wearing the jasmine garland round his neck.My mother,dark,slim with abundant hair that was put as a ‘ kondai ‘and with jasmine saram decorating the kondai,wearing the traditional nine yards saree and the garland like my father,was about to sit by his side when the cooks in the kitchen called her to clarify something.She went into the kitchen.Suddenly there was commotion in the hall,one could hear women sobbing and men standing astounded.An elderly lady went into the kitchen and touched the back of my mother, who was oblivious to the happening in the hall.My mother turned to look at her,the woman removed the garland fron my mother’s neck and said,”Padmasani,God has willed that you will not wear this again in your life”.
My father had a sudden, massive heart attack and died on the dais, which was prepared for his sixtieth birthday.

My mother went inside the store room and cried and cried.I ,an eight year old child, her youngest ,went inside with her, caught hold of her hands and sat with her,I did not even know the enormity of the situation.The room had plenty of bananas,sandalwood paste,and so many other things,the fragrance was very strong and in later years, the smell and the sight of all these things would choke me up.My mother came out for the rituals that followed and went inside again to sob to her heart’s content.

After many hours, she came out of the room,holding my hands tight, which she never let go, till she handed me over to my husband at the time of my marriage.
People were astounded.My father had left a clean slate,no credits,no debits as well.The money kept for the function was used for the funeral.The cooks,the nadaswaram men,the flowerwallah and others had to be paid.My mother handed over some of her jewellery to a relative and requested him to sell them and with that money, she settled their accounts.

“What is Padmasani going to do with two sons who have just finished education and a young girl to be brought up?”,every one wondered.But Padmasani,the uneducated simple woman that she was, took ‘Vishwaroopam’ that day.She remained calm,composed and brought the situation under her control.I kept observing my mother.My young mind ought to have registered the courage that she showed at that critical time,because I imbibed this quality from her.

When father died, my mother cried. After that I never saw her crying,she was a fighter all along and I learnt and got this quality from her.I just don’t cry,in my heart, I may sob, but others would not know it.Iam a courageous person,my mother taught me this.,by being tough herself.I have all along swam against the currents in my life,never have I said,”Now I give up”Iam a never say die person,thanks to my mother, who was my role model.

My mother was sad that she was not educated.She, to a certain degree, overcame this deficiency by learning to read and write in Tamil,Telugu and kannada.She was the person who introduced me to good literature.She read the Tamil translation of many great works by illustrious authors and urged me to read those authors.Thus, even when I was in school, a Tamil medium school,I got to read Pearl Buck,I read Gorky’s Mother,because my mother used to quote certain passages from that novel and told me to read that book.I read Anna Karenina,War and Peace and many such great works because of my mother.Today if I read and write, I owe it to my mother.It was my mother who encouraged me to write.,”Don’t worry whether your story will be accepted or not ,you should write because you want to write “said my mother.When my first short story was published in Kalki,an illustrious Tamil magazine, she was happier than me.The next year when my story won a prize in Amarar Kalki Ninaivu Sirukathai Potti—Amarar Kalki Memorial Short Story Contest,she was more elated.

She was keen that I should become a postgraduate, not withstanding the financial circumstances at home.”I will cut on all unnecessary expenses,if need be I will forego a meal,Mythili, but you should have a sound qualification”said she.Thus I became a Postgraduate in Economics from one of the best colleges in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1lace w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Madras</st1:City></st1lace>.


My mother never sat me down and advised me,I learnt from her by observing her,by imbibing from her ,her wonderful qualities that helped me in later life.
When situations became tough,she became tougher,when it was stressful,she became stronger,when some problems were mammoth in nature,she grew in stature,met the problem head on and broke it into splinteen.Such was her personality .I learnt from her to be tough,to be strong and never to lose faith in myself when the situation was tough.

She was keen that I take up a job.One day she came to me and showed me that day’s news paper.She said excitedly,”Look here” and I looked.The State Bank Of India had called for officers’posts, candidates who had to write and clear an exam.”Apply”, said my mother.I applied and wrote the exam.On the same day my marriage was finalized.My mother wanted me to work for a couple of years atleast, before my marriage,since she thought I should have economic selfsufficiency,but God willed that I marry and settle down.
My mother and I were the best of friends.The fact that there was a forty years gap between us never stood in the way of our deep friendship.We discussed books,we discussed the role of women in bringing up kids,in giving a strong moral foundation to the children and various other issues much to the amusement of my elder brothers who treated me as their kid sister.
When my marriage day was finalized,my mother talked to me.”Be patient Mythili through out your life.It is easy to get a bad name,be rude to one person,say one unkind word,that will get you a bad name for your entire life,as a rude person..It may take years of patience and having to put up with many unkind situations but your patience at such testing times will get you good name and tremendous self esteem”,said my mother.I nodded my head.
The most memorable advice that she gave me was,”Never speak of any problems in your in laws’ house even with your brothers.The problems will get resolved in due course of time,but what you confided in them,those words will remain with them.Nobody is going to help you solve your problems,on the other hand you will come down in their esteem of you.So learn to fight your own battles without doing any mudslinging”,said my mother.
If all her advises were like priceless pearls,this advice was the pendant to that pearl necklace made of her advises,studded with a diamond.

My experience showed that following her advice was very difficult,many a times I wilted,many a nights I cried myself to sleep.But being a mother’s fan, I followed her advice,never spoke about my problems during those times with any one,not even my husband.I got the reward.Today, Iam a peaceful person, basking in the affection of the entire family.
My mother came and stayed with me for a while and at that time my daughters had started full time school.I was relatively free.”What are you doing, sitting at home, whiling away your time.Do something worthwhile.Study,improve your qualification”said she.”Knowledge is the only property which nobody can take away from you and which will earn you respect and guide you in life,”was her standing advice.Well,she offered to take care of my kids and I did B.ED, ofcourse my husband was a great source of strength as well.

My mother went back after my exams were over.After a couple of months I got a teaching job at a school.I wanted to share this happy news with her,I knew she would be happier than me.But unfortunately I could not talk to her on phone.She was dying.She was diagnoised as having cancer, a few days back. Since the school where I joined as a teacher would not give long leave to me,I resigned my job and came to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Madras</st1lace></st1:City> to be with my mother in her last days.
Even in her death bed, she was calmWhen she had the spasm of unbearable pain, she would make sign to the sister to send me out, as she did not want me to see her suffering.My mother died, I lying on her chest and sobbing away.
My mother may be nomore in person,but she continues to guide me.Whenever I face problems,I think for a while,what would my mother have done at such situations?How would she have overcome the problem?”I get the answer instinctively and immediately.I come out of the problem, victorious.
Mother of mine,if at all I have achieved anything in life,I owe it to you.I owe you the fine education I had,I owe you the skill I have developed in writing,I owe you the desire to learn more and more than anything else, my dear mother, I owe to you the peace of mind I have, having brought up two good daughters,having been a support to my husband in his official and personal life,having won the love and respect of my in laws.
My wonderful mother!How will I ever repay you?If there is another ‘janam’,my mother,I want to carry you in my womb,I want to give you the love and affection that you gave me,Iwant to be a good mother to you.Till then my mother,I pray to God to keep you well,wherever you are.You should be happy,healthy and should not lack anything.Take care ,my mother,till we meet again.


Amma Came Home.The single Child Syndrome.Will you tell Sevathiya ,I waited for her?

 

My dear Paulina,
You are always there for me ,my dear friend.I should thank God for that.
But my dear Paulina,I always remained a cheerful girl.My mother saw to that.She herself had a tremendous sense of humour and a great capacity to make friends with people.
God bless you.
love
mithila kannan

 

My dear nivedi,
Thanks a lot ,my dear.I have to write since I dont know anything else.
Thanks once agaain,only such kind words motivate me.
God bless you.
love
mithila kannan