My Mother was,is and always will be an enigma to me

Dear Mithila,

Nicely written and very very touching...my eyes had tears as i just read it!!
Not to talk about your problems and to be patient - good quality to be practiced....

Cheers!
-Anusha

Dear Anushka,
Thank you for the nice comment.
love
mithila kannan

Dear Mithila,

I was moved to tears when I read.
What a nice tribute to your mother, who was an epitome of strength and motivation!

Dear usha.
Thank you.I think I should thankIL and all of you,my friends for making iy possible for me to pay tribute to my mother.
God bless you
love
mithila kannan

dear mythila,
some words come from the heart..
these can not be rated but need to be experienced..
when i experience it i get to see you from inside and what i see makes me
relate to you as if i know you for years...

my mother was uneducated but she wanted to do some thing in her life. her first short story was published in vikatan as "mutthirai kadai"
she then wrote stories in kalai magal and was a known short stoy writer those days...
she loved me dearly.... she accepted the bahu from a differnt religion and changed herself.all her deams about the children she had to suppress.
she had a paralytic attack when she was serving me her son's favourit murungakkai sambhar...i could cry and cry for hours if i let myself go... but i dare not...
i will lose my reality oreintaion and will sound foolish to myself...
like shiva the pathos that i experience reading your soul's expression is now kept at bay in my throat and will take couple of minutes to dissipate...
that is why i fall in love with woman who have not lost their softness but struggling to become some thing in their life...and live courageously facing all odds.....

do keep writing like this and do send me the links....

Hi Mithila,

Very well written. I was almost in tears when I read the article.

Vidya

Dear Mithila

The article brought "Aansu" in my eyes. Well narrated.

God bless u.


Luv


Shashu

Hi Mythilli maam,

Your mother is truly an enigma....
She had come up in a very hard way in life....
Such people, who have lead their life single handedly, are very practical in nature, highly- principled, they do not break to any situation..
I can visualize your mother very well...
You are indeed blessed to be her daughter, to inherit all these golden characteristics...
I'm sure you would have taken a very good care of her....

I should agree whole hearteadly, on her words , "not to speak about the problems /incidents faced at in-laws place, in our parents place".
Yes, we need to tackle all our problems ourselves....

My namaskarams to you

Dear Mithila

Your article brought tears in my eyes especially the last para. Your mother was really great woman. On the 60th birthday to hear about your father's demise is really sad. God must have given the strength and courage to u all at that time.

God bless u

with love

viji

Originally Posted by mithila kannan

My mother was ,is and always will be an Enigma to me

It was the year 1956,the third of June .Our family lived in our native village,as per my father’s wish, who wanted to spend the rest of his life in his native place.That day was a fine day because it was my father’s sixtieth birthday.As is the custom in South, our family had planned his birthday on a grand scale as his ‘aruvatham kalyanam’.Our sprawling house was decorated with flowers,rangolis etc.All the relatives and friends who had been invited had arrived.The hall was ready , decorated with a dais for the function .My father, a very fair,chubby man with a genial face, had worn his new clothes and was sitting on the dais, wearing the jasmine garland round his neck.My mother,dark,slim with abundant hair that was put as a ‘ kondai ‘and with jasmine saram decorating the kondai,wearing the traditional nine yards saree and the garland like my father,was about to sit by his side when the cooks in the kitchen called her to clarify something.She went into the kitchen.Suddenly there was commotion in the hall,one could hear women sobbing and men standing astounded.An elderly lady went into the kitchen and touched the back of my mother, who was oblivious to the happening in the hall.My mother turned to look at her,the woman removed the garland fron my mother’s neck and said,”Padmasani,God has willed that you will not wear this again in your life”.
My father had a sudden, massive heart attack and died on the dais, which was prepared for his sixtieth birthday.

My mother went inside the store room and cried and cried.I ,an eight year old child, her youngest ,went inside with her, caught hold of her hands and sat with her,I did not even know the enormity of the situation.The room had plenty of bananas,sandalwood paste,and so many other things,the fragrance was very strong and in later years, the smell and the sight of all these things would choke me up.My mother came out for the rituals that followed and went inside again to sob to her heart’s content.

After many hours, she came out of the room,holding my hands tight, which she never let go, till she handed me over to my husband at the time of my marriage.
People were astounded.My father had left a clean slate,no credits,no debits as well.The money kept for the function was used for the funeral.The cooks,the nadaswaram men,the flowerwallah and others had to be paid.My mother handed over some of her jewellery to a relative and requested him to sell them and with that money, she settled their accounts.

“What is Padmasani going to do with two sons who have just finished education and a young girl to be brought up?”,every one wondered.But Padmasani,the uneducated simple woman that she was, took ‘Vishwaroopam’ that day.She remained calm,composed and brought the situation under her control.I kept observing my mother.My young mind ought to have registered the courage that she showed at that critical time,because I imbibed this quality from her.

When father died, my mother cried. After that I never saw her crying,she was a fighter all along and I learnt and got this quality from her.I just don’t cry,in my heart, I may sob, but others would not know it.Iam a courageous person,my mother taught me this.,by being tough herself.I have all along swam against the currents in my life,never have I said,”Now I give up”Iam a never say die person,thanks to my mother, who was my role model.

My mother was sad that she was not educated.She, to a certain degree, overcame this deficiency by learning to read and write in Tamil,Telugu and kannada.She was the person who introduced me to good literature.She read the Tamil translation of many great works by illustrious authors and urged me to read those authors.Thus, even when I was in school, a Tamil medium school,I got to read Pearl Buck,I read Gorky’s Mother,because my mother used to quote certain passages from that novel and told me to read that book.I read Anna Karenina,War and Peace and many such great works because of my mother.Today if I read and write, I owe it to my mother.It was my mother who encouraged me to write.,”Don’t worry whether your story will be accepted or not ,you should write because you want to write “said my mother.When my first short story was published in Kalki,an illustrious Tamil magazine, she was happier than me.The next year when my story won a prize in Amarar Kalki Ninaivu Sirukathai Potti—Amarar Kalki Memorial Short Story Contest,she was more elated.

She was keen that I should become a postgraduate, not withstanding the financial circumstances at home.”I will cut on all unnecessary expenses,if need be I will forego a meal,Mythili, but you should have a sound qualification”said she.Thus I became a Postgraduate in Economics from one of the best colleges in Madras.


My mother never sat me down and advised me,I learnt from her by observing her,by imbibing from her ,her wonderful qualities that helped me in later life.
When situations became tough,she became tougher,when it was stressful,she became stronger,when some problems were mammoth in nature,she grew in stature,met the problem head on and broke it into splinteen.Such was her personality .I learnt from her to be tough,to be strong and never to lose faith in myself when the situation was tough.

She was keen that I take up a job.One day she came to me and showed me that day’s news paper.She said excitedly,”Look here” and I looked.The State Bank Of India had called for officers’posts, candidates who had to write and clear an exam.”Apply”, said my mother.I applied and wrote the exam.On the same day my marriage was finalized.My mother wanted me to work for a couple of years atleast, before my marriage,since she thought I should have economic selfsufficiency,but God willed that I marry and settle down.
My mother and I were the best of friends.The fact that there was a forty years gap between us never stood in the way of our deep friendship.We discussed books,we discussed the role of women in bringing up kids,in giving a strong moral foundation to the children and various other issues much to the amusement of my elder brothers who treated me as their kid sister.
When my marriage day was finalized,my mother talked to me.”Be patient Mythili through out your life.It is easy to get a bad name,be rude to one person,say one unkind word,that will get you a bad name for your entire life,as a rude person..It may take years of patience and having to put up with many unkind situations but your patience at such testing times will get you good name and tremendous self esteem”,said my mother.I nodded my head.
The most memorable advice that she gave me was,”Never speak of any problems in your in laws’ house even with your brothers.The problems will get resolved in due course of time,but what you confided in them,those words will remain with them.Nobody is going to help you solve your problems,on the other hand you will come down in their esteem of you.So learn to fight your own battles without doing any mudslinging”,said my mother.
If all her advises were like priceless pearls,this advice was the pendant to that pearl necklace made of her advises,studded with a diamond.

My experience showed that following her advice was very difficult,many a times I wilted,many a nights I cried myself to sleep.But being a mother’s fan, I followed her advice,never spoke about my problems during those times with any one,not even my husband.I got the reward.Today, Iam a peaceful person, basking in the affection of the entire family.
My mother came and stayed with me for a while and at that time my daughters had started full time school.I was relatively free.”What are you doing, sitting at home, whiling away your time.Do something worthwhile.Study,improve your qualification”said she.”Knowledge is the only property which nobody can take away from you and which will earn you respect and guide you in life,”was her standing advice.Well,she offered to take care of my kids and I did B.ED, ofcourse my husband was a great source of strength as well.

My mother went back after my exams were over.After a couple of months I got a teaching job at a school.I wanted to share this happy news with her,I knew she would be happier than me.But unfortunately I could not talk to her on phone.She was dying.She was diagnoised as having cancer, a few days back. Since the school where I joined as a teacher would not give long leave to me,I resigned my job and came to Madras to be with my mother in her last days.
Even in her death bed, she was calmWhen she had the spasm of unbearable pain, she would make sign to the sister to send me out, as she did not want me to see her suffering.My mother died, I lying on her chest and sobbing away.
My mother may be nomore in person,but she continues to guide me.Whenever I face problems,I think for a while,what would my mother have done at such situations?How would she have overcome the problem?”I get the answer instinctively and immediately.I come out of the problem, victorious.
Mother of mine,if at all I have achieved anything in life,I owe it to you.I owe you the fine education I had,I owe you the skill I have developed in writing,I owe you the desire to learn more and more than anything else, my dear mother, I owe to you the peace of mind I have, having brought up two good daughters,having been a support to my husband in his official and personal life,having won the love and respect of my in laws.
My wonderful mother!How will I ever repay you?If there is another ‘janam’,my mother,I want to carry you in my womb,I want to give you the love and affection that you gave me,Iwant to be a good mother to you.Till then my mother,I pray to God to keep you well,wherever you are.You should be happy,healthy and should not lack anything.Take care ,my mother,till we meet again.


Amma Came Home.The single Child Syndrome.Will you tell Sevathiya ,I waited for her?

Dear sampath,
I was elated to get your comment.Your words mean a lot to me.Thank you for those kind words.
My mother used to sit in the window sill where she would get adequate light to read and would be reading when she was not in the kitchen.Even now I remember her describing to me the passages that she loved in Gorky's Mother ,where the mother,the hero's mother,comes to the prison and on the pretext of selling hot soup she distributes the pamplets encouraging the people to take the new path,path of revolution.I read Mother.
I could talk to her for hours about books,authors,the various characters that we met in the books,it is very sad that she is not there now .My world is empty to a certain extent because my mother who was my best friend is no more.
I can understand how much you miss your mother and your love for her.
Thank you dear sampath for listening to me.
Regards
mythili