Sharpening the memories

Viswamitra · Mar 2, 2015

I attended an Indo-US Chamber meeting last week after seeing the announcement that an extraordinary individual was going to speak about a subject every one of us face in our day to day life. I was curious to listen to this talk since I read the announcement and decided to spend the evening listening to this speaker instead of watching the world cup cricket. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. The speaker was not only an extraordinary individual but he proved that he practiced what he preached.

Before the start of the meeting, he went around and met every person who came to listen to his talk and spent about 30-60 seconds with each person and the total number of people who attended the meeting was somewhere between 60-75. There were many Indians, Hispanics, Americans, Brazilians, Vietnamese, and people from other countries as well. The names of all these people were not easy to remember.

As soon as he started his speech, he asked, “Have you ever felt embarrassed that you could not remember the name of the person that you met number of time earlier?” “Have you ever felt you have forgotten something that was important for the meeting?” Many in the meeting vigorously nodded their heads in affirmation. Then, he declared that before we leave the meeting, he was going to make every one of us never face that situation again. We were all laughing about his confidence in our fading memories.

As the first step, he asked everyone in the meeting to stand up. He called the first name of everyone in the first row accurately. Then, he stopped and asked, “Do you think I remember them by the position of their seats?” Then, he moved all around the room to call the first name of each person seated in different places and to all our surprise he accurately called every one’s name perfectly. More than what he did, his words that he would make us become like him towards the end of the meeting made us curious to see how he was going to accomplish such an uphill task.

Next, he asked us to call the name of any item that comes to their mind. He listed about 20 of them and wrote them in the order with specific numbers assigned to them. He spent about a minute looking at what was written in the flip chart and removed the sheet and handed it over to someone in the crowd. Then, he asked the people to either call the name of the item or number assigned and he was able to identify each one of them flawlessly.

Finally, we moved towards the part of his challenge to make us sharpen our memories. He wrote the following 10 digit numbers in the flip chart: 1) 0110021815 2) 6075100001 3) 1010112016 He asked us to remember these 3 ten digit numbers so that we can recall after he erases it. We all laughed at it. Then, he told the following story: I challenged a person how he can appreciate $.01 to $1.00 on February 18, 2015 (the day of the meeting). When he failed, I challenged 60-75 people who attended this meeting with a prize money of $10,000, if they could recall these numbers within a minute. However, after 10 months and 10 days, on January 1, 2016, they were able to recall these 3 ten digit numbers.

After telling these words, he asked a person in the crowd to recall the numbers. He was able to recall all 3 ten digit numbers without any problem. Finally, he concluded that there are three reasons why most of us don’t make an attempt to remember things and they are, 1) We don’t get it, 2) We don’t care and 3) We don’t believe we can remember things. He told that our brain has the power to store everything we receive meticulously but the only reason why we don’t remember is because we don’t store the information systematically. The brain excels in its power when we associate what we learn new with what we already know. For example, if we have to remember ten important points made in a meeting or actions items we need to perform, one of the techniques we could use is to allocate those ten things to head, eye brows, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, tongue, hands, legs and stomach.

I always go to such meetings only to meet new people but in this meeting I walked away learning something really creative. How nice it would be if I can recall the names of the people after a long time and remember the names of their children and ask about them. I hope the ILites find this useful. I would greatly appreciate if ILites could share their secret sauce to remember things.

jayasala42 · Mar 3, 2015

Dear Shri Viswa,
You have hit at a topic,the most essential one in everyday life.
We go near the fridge, open it and somehow don't remember what to take out. Only after lighting the stove and keeping the pan, it strikes again that we had gone to take green chilly.
What the speaker told, in my experience, is totally correct.
As we grow older, we all start to notice some changes in our ability to remember things.
We tend to get more upset by them as we get older because we fear they’re a sign of dementia, or loss of intellectual function. It is this fear that makes us forget many things.

Most of the fleeting memory problems that we experience with age reflect normal changes in the structure and function of the brain. Granted, these changes can be frustrating and may seem far from benign when we need to learn new skills or juggle myriad responsibilities. Thanks to decades of research, there are various strategies we can use to protect and sharpen our minds. Here are seven you might try.

A higher level of education is associated with better mental functioning in old age. Experts think that advanced education may help keep memory strong by getting a person into the habit of being mentally active. While in service,we had to remember only certain banking terms and correspond with customers and had no time to equip ourselves amidst household chores.After 60, I have lot of time to read, listen to lectures, take down notes and I see memory seems to have improved a lot.

Challenging your brain with mental exercise is believed to activate and stimulate memory.If you start writing regularly your own experiences in the past( though there may not be any extraordinary achievements, this definitely helps to improve memory.

Joining a group like IL helps a lot. We tend to remember what X has written and that we have some more points to add, substitute or negate.Even negation helps in bringing back our thoughts.

We all know that brain works in patterns.The more senses you use in learning something, the more of your brain will be involved in retaining the memory. We will be able to associate things with a particular tune, or smell particularly and remember everything connected with it, since that particular part of the brain gets activated.

Myths about aging can contribute to a failing memory. Middle-aged and older learners do worse on memory tasks when they’re exposed to negative stereotypes about aging and memory, and better when the messages are positive about memory preservation into old age. People who believe that they are not in control of their memory function are less likely to work at maintaining or improving their memory skills and therefore are more likely to experience cognitive decline. If you believe you can improve and you translate that belief into practice, you have a better chance of keeping your mind sharp.

Calendars, 'to do' lists, habits of keeping things in a particular place in a particular order help a lot. After all established practices and habits( Habits die hard) form an everlasting trace and get converted into patterns or designs in the brains that may be recapitulated easily.
Repetition helps a lot though it is boring. Even if you are above 70, you habitually recite a Sahasra nama daily even seeing a book, after a few days you will be amazed that you are able to recite without a book.
I have learnt many of these things not by learning books but through the hard way of practical experience when we were treating my husband who lost all his memories in an accident about which I have narrated earlier in a snippet.It is during that period I could realise about the importance of memory.

Even now I remember the words told by the neuro physician, Viswanathan ,just 35,"Sister, it is wrong to say that your husband has lost all his memories. He has got everything in his mind. It is just like throwing away the goose berries( nellikkai) from a sack. They are spread everywhere. It is for you to pick up everything,make it into a heap and put them back into the sack, the brain so that they get themselves arranged in the required order. Picking up and storing requires strenuous organized methodological trg on your part.
It is on that day he emphasized that my husband has' got' everything, but only 'forgot'. Unless one has got something, he cannot forget..He cannot lose anything which he has not got.
Though this may be words just to encourage me, I caught hold of his word as mantra and I could come out successful, of course essentially on account of His grace.
Let us believe that we have got full memory

Jayasala42

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Akanksha1982 · Mar 3, 2015

Viswa Sir, I have selective memory. My long term memory is good but my short term memory is bad. Many times I forget where i parked my car in the parking lot. So these days I just take a photograph of the surroundings and level and row signs. Most of the time, that act of taking the photograph or writing it on a piece of paper makes me remember it.

Fortunately, my work memory is very good. I can remember the decisions, location of information and even source code location, both short term and long term. That helps a lot in my work.

I am poor with names recalling as well. It usually takes 2-3 meetings for me to register the name.

If i have to remember a list of points, i typically take the first letter of each point and using those letters make an acronym and remember that acronym.

Laks09 · Mar 3, 2015

Viswa Sir -

There was this thread that Malathy had started in the relationship forums. It dealt with listing your partners top three qualities. I decided my DH has to do this quiz. Guess what my top quality #3 is? Not my amazing memory of events etc but my lack of it. He says he doesn't have to do anything when we have an argument because the minute I get distracted, the argument is over. Once I get back, I've forgotten the fact that we were even having an argument in the first place. Unless our dd reminds me or he brings it up later it's poof. I have no idea why I cannot remember simple things like what I was talking to someone few minutes ago. Apparently he loves this quality of mine. Many a times, I've forgotten his follies and happily moved on in life. He tells me he had never seen anyone as forgetful as me!

I have to take written notes of everything. As a student, I had to revise everything multiple times and still had to go through everything the day before the exams. I have tried hard to improve my memory, I have been in so much trouble because of bad memory. I can't remember to pay credit card bills on time, cannot remember meetings unless I set reminders, cannot remember parts of conversations etc. People have taken undue advantage of this lack of memory. Friends often tell me "hey we did mention it to you but you've probably forgotten." Sometimes it is true but in a pinch if someone hadn't told me something all they had to do was make my memory the culprit.

At work, I had to keep meticulous notes. It was hard not to remember meeting minutes, I used to be the only person writing things down. I can't remember formulae for crying out loud, I have to refer somewhere.

There are days when I know I have to be somewhere but don't know where and then I get a call from the hair salon or dr office for a missed appointment

There are times I have to use the gps even to places that I have driven to multiple times because I have no memory of how to get there. Before the advent of the google maps and smart phones, my DH has got calls from me where he has to direct me turn by turn until I get to an intersection from where I actually remember to get home.

I dont keep keep any papers or jewels etc. Someone else has to do the safe keeping for me.

I don't remember where I park so in places that I often visit, I have one particular general area where I always park. If I don't I end up running around trying to find my car.

If I don't keep things in their exact spot, I often have no idea where I put them.

Even here on IL I have to go back and read posts to remember context. It's hard work trying to keep up with my memory or lack of it.

suryakala · Mar 3, 2015

Dear @Viswamitra ,

I enjoyed your reflections on memory.

The brain and its way of working have always fascinated me. I think the brain has got its own priorities and systems for storing data in memory and deleting them from memory. It may probably for protecting itself from over working, the brain forgets most of the normal happenings which are not relevant to our existence. While travelling in a car, we see a number of trees and we forget them instantaneously. While attending a function we forget most of the participants as soon as the function is over. While we remember the face of Doctor whom we meet, we forget many of the faces of receptionists, nurses, etc. in the same clinic unless we go to the clinic again and again.

And we do not consciously erase these memories. The brain has its own time frame for retention and erasing and it appears it has its own rules for categorisation! For example, while we remember our today's and yesterday's breakfast, we are most likely to forget day before yesterday's breakfast, (unless it is follows a strict schedule or continues to be the same every day.) But we definitely remember the breakfast we had with a very close friend or relative during our visit.

The brain tends to "erase" the memories unless by some conscious attempt we write a " programme" for recalling. Like a very interesting/important person we meet in a business conference, or we tell that remember his name etc. But I have also noticed certain things lie in the background, not being recalled for years, and suddenly coming back after many many years.

Once I was going in Chandigarh, around a roundabout. There was this colourful mini flower bed at the centre with various flowers. Suddenly, after nearly thirty years, a classical song," Nanda Kumara, Navaneetha Jora" flashed in my mind giving a full list of flowers in Tamil, in prise of Lord Krishna taught by my mother! I was amazed! I never recalled that song or heard some one singing for three decades!

Of course we all know science is yet to explain the memory of Whales and migratory birds and their capacity to navigate around the world, thousands of miles in sea or sky!

Yes, Memory, it is so complicated a process, and yet so beautifully designed by God in all His Creations.

Sweetgirl123 · Mar 3, 2015

Yes, I think the " we just don't care" reason sums it up for me. When I was a kid, I could memorise quite good despite having attention problems. So when I made an effort to pay attention I could memorize what the teacher was saying word by word. Even today I can still recall exact words and page layout of the books I used to read as a kid.
As a kid, we learned a similar method for memorizing long numbers, although I never used it. It was to turn the numbers into symbols and the symbols into a story. Like a 1 is a flag pole and and a 8 glasses and so on.
We also learned of one technique to memorize speeches was to visualize walking through a house, with the different rooms containing different objects featured in the speech.
but then again memories by themselves are quite inconsistent. I have heard of studies where people were planted memories of things that never occurred to them. I found that quite interesting. I have also noticed that some people forget memories but when I remind them that we really did that after some time the memory seems to come back. But maybe it is not the real memory, I am not sure.

Srama · Mar 3, 2015

Dear V sir,

I cannot help but feel that it is easy for the mind to remember facts as long as the facts are not clouded by emotions. It is the emotions that make facts disappear. Association always helps remember facts, no doubt about it. For me personally it is always numbers - associating with numbers helps me remember - whatever it is! While I cannot claim super sharp memory and do lapse in to phases of forgetfulness, I know if I try, I will remember. My DS always says I am horrible at reproducing s sentences verbatim.
What that guy explained seemed awesome and a good way to remember and it is important to remember a few things even though letting go should be the norm.

Viswamitra · Mar 3, 2015

Dear Smt. Jayasala:

If there is someone among us who is most capable to talk about memory and how the brain behaves in given circumstances, it is you. I know the struggle you went through in your life after your husband's illness and what all you did to bring him back to normal life. What I liked the most in your response is the series of ideas about how to improve our memory systematically through some targeted exercises. I was smiling ear to ear when I learned from you writing our experiences helps us refresh our memories. What could be a better place to do than in IL.

Using senses to associate experiences is a great idea. Capturing memories through various senses makes it easier and it becomes systematic archiving in our brain. I agree with you that believing that we can improve our memory is an important part in actually doing it. That is exactly what the speaker told us in the meeting. It makes sense to keep routine things that we need to remember in external documents so that we can use that part of the storage for associating memories with something we love. Repetition is a great exercise to memorize something. If I have to accomplish something positively on a specific day, I say it loudly a couple of times and my brain retains that strongly.

I have nothing but admiration for what you have accomplished working with your husband. More than the Mantra from Dr. Viswanathan, it is your effort that deserves a lot of credit. I feel our subconscious mind has a great role to play and it believes whatever we are convinced that we could accomplish.

Thank you for your invaluable input and I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to write all of your thoughts here.

Viswa

Viswamitra · Mar 3, 2015

Dear Akanksha,

Thank you for your response. It looks like the memory is associated with how much importance we give to a situation and parking obviously is not in the top of that list. Even in airports, I go based on color coding, floor # and whether the car is behind the elevator or in front to remember the parking space. I recite them a couple of times that helps me to get back to my car quickly. Sometimes, I do take a slip that is kept near the elevator just in case my memory fails me.

Work is obviously in the top of our memory list and that does not surprise me that you remember everything related to your work including source code location.

I think you should try to associate names with color of their hair or pupil or dress, shape of the face of the person or anything that is unique about that person. It would definitely sharpen the memory to remember the names.

I like your idea of acronym to remember the points.

Viswa

Viswamitra · Mar 4, 2015

Laks,

First of all, thank you for responding to this post. I have read some of the responses on this thread started by Malathy and I was overwhelmed by the responses pouring in from ILites. That shows the quality of women we have as members in this forum and how much they appreciate their respective husband and most importantly how they accept their respective husband as is.

With all due respect to the men, I am not sure how much the husbands could recall three great qualities of their spouses as most of us take them for granted. As if that is not enough, we expect more from the spouses. Frankly, I don't keep count of endless good qualities my spouse possess. She does not care whether I keep count of such qualities or not and she continues to do whatever she does to satisfy herself.

But one of the greatest qualities that is noticeable with her is her relentless defense of her husband whether it is my mother, my brother, her father, her mother, our son or any other friend. I really don't know what I do to deserve such strong support from her. At the same time, whatever people say to her does not hurt her as much as watching me keep silent without me saying a word to them. I get mouthful from her in such situations and she could recall things that happened 30 years ago as well. Her memory of my presence when someone was verbally attacking her is very strong and if I am not around, she easily forgets such situations. Perhaps, her memory is stronger when she associates verbal abuses with the silent presence of her husband.

My wife is a SAHM and she is very good in remembering the call I need to make to my mother every week, birthdays and wedding anniversaries of all our relatives, anything that she had to do to her mother, mother-in-law, husband and son, groceries that she needs to buy, phone calls she had to make herself, locations, her appointments with doctors and hair salon, etc. But the finance portfolio, titles, passports, OCI cards, her jewelery upkeep and locker management, etc. belongs to me as she won't even remember the jewels she has. She is always cheerful and meticulous in her chanting Rudram, Sahasranamas, Soundarya Lahari, Mooka Pancha Sati, etc. She never misses her Yoga classes either.

Frankly, sometimes, forgetting things really helps us lead a better life and probably your forgetfulness of the verbal arguments quickly helps a lot both you and your husband especially with the amount of work you do everyday. I am sure your husband won't mind guiding you to drive back home as long as you forget the verbal arguments quickly. It is really disheartening to know that people take advantage of your lack of memory sometimes. I wish people are much more honest. In my opinion, your lack of memory is nothing when compared to what you accomplish every single day. I have nothing but respect for everything you do.

Viswa