My Wife, My Chaffeur

.. I forced my wife to go to driving school to become my unpaid driver not because I was tired of being her payless chaffeur but because I was a disaster behind wheels.
I was and am a calamity behind any kind of wheels—two or four. As a kid my attempt to learn cycling ended in a disaster.. In my last ride on a cycle I knocked down a PYT walking a pomeranian and all of us—PYT, me, cycle and the pom fell into an open drain which was fortunately dry.
Four wheels, I thought, were better than two, when I became old enough to drive. I took driving lessons but my instructor remained tightlipped about my driving. Like all Delhiites, I managed to get a driving licence through a driving school. That means your driving skills are not tested. You are just asked whether you are optically, physically or mentally challenged and if you reply in the negative you get the licence in a jiffy.
And like my fellow Delhiites, once the licence was in my hand I developed a blind belief in my driving skills without giving a thought to the fact that skills or ho skills, driving kills. If not those behind the wheel at least those who come into contact with their moving vehicles.
Fortunately I did not kill anyone, If I had done so, the operators of Delhi’s disastrous blueline buses would have queued up before my house to recruit me as a driver. But I did demolish a cycle rickshaw, a scooter and slightly dented a car and paid for it (in hard cash).
So the family put its collective foot down on my driving. An idle car costs more than a moving one as its parts go out of order one by one and the tire gets depressed at not getting any work. So what is to be done? Hire a driver said the wifey. So did I.
It is not surprising that many ads of second-hand cars make it pains to stress that they are self-driven. Drivers are synonymous with disasters. .I had three of them each worse than the other. The first one after leaving me in the office, used to take the car for a joyride. Alarmed by the way the car was guzzling petrol, I insited that he hand over the key to me after leaving me in the office. He sulked and quit without notice.
The second one, I suspect, wanted a pay hike but was too shy to ask. Instead, he kept throwing hints that his parents, uncles or aunts were coming to town and he had to care for them.. I was either too dumb to take the hint or was a person with a tremendously healthy respect for money (That is the politically correct term for a miser)..He too disappeared without a trace one day, probably somebody poached him from me offering a few bucks extra.
The third one will go down in driving history. He was a typical Delhi driver. His foot itched to press the accelerator whenever he saw the red light. I suspect he must have been a bull excited by a red rag in his previous birth. Couple of times he nearly made me a widower, other times my wife almost became a widow and once my daughter nearly ended as an orphan thanks to his driving.
In disgust, I threw him out and sold the car.. Just the day after I sold the car, my wife formally began the nagging process.. We cannot do without a car was the refrain. After an initially rigid stand, I caved in realizing that I stood no chance before a woman’s concerted multi-pronged attack. "Alright" I said. "I’ll buy a car but you are going to drive it. Or should I?" I will never forget the look of horror that came on her face when I talked about my driving. The very next day she joined a driving school.
We bought a new car, a Fiat Uno after she completed her driving course and got a llicence (without a driving test of course, since that is the Delhi tradition). The car is still giving us good service. It is amazingly fuel efficient, sturdy and easily manoeuvrable. In heavy traffic.

And I sit back and relax letting my wife have the driving seat, We share the duties in the car. I swear loudly at errant drivers on the lawless Delhi roads and she keeps her cool concentrating on her driving.The road is her portfolio and rage mine.
And above all, I don’t have the headache of waiting in the car as unpaid chaffeur as my wife turns shops topsy turvy selecting a single piece of dress.

Dear Balajee,

Welcome to IL...

You are a lucky man... Enjoy the ride....

All the best my friend....

Veda

hi Balajee...

well written i enjoyed your experience with car drivers...i have experienced their roiugh driving too...but you are lucky ....resting at the back seat and wife driving....so i can say women are best in everything they do

Hi Balajee,

Welcome to IL. That was a great writeup about your driving skills with a good dose of humour. I also belong to your group when we talk about driving. What a coincidence...when I tried my hand at 2 wheeler, I had also fallen into an open drain that was dry (courtesy to Bangalore development authority who keep digging roads for some or the other reason). With 4 wheeler, I dont have the courage yet to try on the road alone. With the instructor next to me saying, brake, accelerator, clutch, Signal, etc...I can manage..but otherwise...God save!

Regards,
Hema

Hi Balajee
Looks like you are one more of Kamalji's friend.
Welcome to IL.............
That was a great write up on driving experiences of yours
Enjoy the ride and also at IL

Dear Balajee Sir,
So nice and funny one.....I could see you yelling at your full force to wayward drivers in Delhi road.....good job.....and enjoy the ride....
regards.

Dear Balajee,

Welcome to IL.

You can join my hubby in this, when I drive, he sits stocked with his eats & a soft drink...road rage is not much here in Melb during off-peak hours,

So on a Saturday evening, I take the wheel, he puts out fav CD & I drive around while his Lordship munches on his Cocktail samosas & passes comments on other's driving...

Once, he ended up snoring, his wake up call : Hey was that a speed camera? That's it, he never sleeps when I drive......

BTW, your username Balajee suits you. After all even the Lord Balaji in Tirupati never drives, he sits & someone else drives him around.....

Regards,

Corallux

Hey,It's a nicely written post. Its really tough for husbands to give the driving rights to wife. Daughter maybe. Wife very rare,even with husband's being bad drivers.
I guess you can enjoy the drive with your wife tackling the Delhi traffic.

Balajee,

Welcome to IL! Nice to know my husband is not the only one to have his wife for a chauffer! Unlike you, my husband has a chauffer with a difference - I am his chauffer for 2-wheelers! And I will be his chauffer for 4-wheelers too - when I learn how to drive one.

Regards,
Anitha

Hello balajee,

welcome to IL.. enjoyed your writeup... .i thought u are very lucky to have your wife for a chauffer but from the fbs gathered there are a lot of u lucky men...must get my license this year and relieve my DH...

mindi