The invisible Companions

When you go through all the years of someone’s life, you cannot but notice those one or two people who were with the person in question for a long number of years. Most of the time, it is a spouse or sometimes a rare friend. But today I am not talking about them. I am talking about a different kind of companion - The insignificant and invisible one..

Vijaya was one such companion to my mom. When we moved into our newly built flats on the third floor almost 12 years ago, the neighborhood had tiny lower middle class houses around our flats. From our flat, we could look down to see a brick house with green painted doors. From the top, the house looks like a cardboard box that is dropped from a height and had landed erratically at an angle to our already angled street. And Vijaya lived there with her husband’s large family (brothers, wives, kids etc). She had two kids of her own, a girl with slight polio and a boy.

When she started working in my house, that was the first time my mom ever had a maid. It was uncomfortable for everyone. We were not used anyone else come into our home or do our dishes or wash our clothes before. We girls started doing some extra little tidying up before letting Vijaya in on anything, so that she won’t disgust with our ways!!

While Vijaya worked in our house, she was also working in almost four more flats in our building. She started early and finished all the homes by noon. She would come back in the afternoon for a couple of hours. While she would have coffee in our house, her breakfast is done somewhere else. Sometimes she used to take left over food (or sometimes food for festivals etc) home for lunch/dinner. She and all her family used to get free medical treatment and medicines, since my dad was a Doctor. She and her sisters-in-law used to get all the slightly used sarees from my mom. Any bad traditional gifts my mom gets, would go to Vijaya. All our chudidhars and shoes would go to Vijaya’s daughter after a few months of wear.

We college going girls used to teach their kindergarten going kids and especially to ‘Balu’, Vijaya’s nephew – a coal dark, chubby-cheeked and cute 3-year old with shiny eyes. We used to pull his cheeks and bang on his back after teaching him A, B, Cs a million times and still he wouldn’t utter a single word or write even a single letter! Oh now I think, how mean we were to him! I would not think twice to choke any one who does that to any kid now. Poor families! - They just were happy with what ever we taught their kids. Who cared if we squeeze the little boys cheeks red!

Vijaya was in our home morning and evening. Washing dishes in the morning and making us guilty while putting another coffee cup in the already filled up sink. She used to sweep our marble tiled home while we all sit on sofas putting our legs up. She used to come in the afternoon to wash clothes and we girls had to be careful to check any stains on the clothes during our periods and wash them ourselves!

And when I talk about Vijaya, don’t think that I am talking about someone very loyal who would come rain or shine etc. She used to skip coming for days together and sometimes without notice. Then we girls are expected to help mom. We would be so outraged and angry with Vijaya. Sometimes she would leave a spot unclean on clothes or in the house. Sometimes there is an issue about how she washed my dad's trousers. You know – the every day Mahabharata!

Days turned into months and into years. We grew up and left home for higher studies and later we all girls got married. The workload for my mom got down in turn reducing that of Vijaya’s. She was the witness of our home turning into an empty nest with one by one leaving. Though she never talked anything deeply with my mom, she used to sympathize, “Oh Amma, Papalandharu vellipoyinru kadha" (All girls did leave!). She would be eager to talk to us on phone, when we called from abroad. She would pop her face in front of the webcam with a wide and white smile saying “Amma, Bhagunnara (Are you well?)” and we would enquire about her and her kids.

While our family grew, her family grew and had lot of changes too. She educated her kids. They settled in jobs. She got her daughter married. Her BIL and his wife (Balu’s parents) both died of Aids. Now it is her time to move on. She wanted to take care of teen aged Balu and his brothers. Now she stopped working. None of us girls said goodbye to her on phone or webcam. I know my mom gave her some good amount of money and new sarees, but I don’t know if she said a befitting goodbye to her. Anyhow, Vijaya left now. My mom doesn’t miss her terribly except she says, “it is hard to get maids like that these days”. She doesn’t like her new maid. Even Vijaya might not miss my mom.

My mom would never say in her speech (You see..this - she would make when I get my first Pulitzer :banana), that it was Vijaya that helped her while she dealt with my Teenage/College and Marriage issues. But it WAS Vijaya who saved her few hours every day and save her from all the stress, so that she can go do better things like being on our backs all the time .

This is what we should acknowledge. We should acknowledge those miniature persons in our lives, who helped us swim this ocean of time and made our lives a wee bit easier. They are almost invisible and in appropriate. You cannot call them your significant, but they were significant. We should remember to remember all those people who were in the background of our lives, even for a little bit and helped us be what we are today.

 

Dear Mindi, Good morning:coffee, oh Thanks for your wonderful wishes. I hope I win Pulitzer atleast once

People here think it is something negetive to have maids like they do in India (Americans - obsessed with their salves and liberation stories), but maids are such a help and the system works for both sides.

And you nailed it on the head by saying "......guess both of us knew what to expect from each other...". Yes that is the key thing that makes the system still works.

Thanks for your encouraging comments.

 

Dear AC, Thanks for your wonderful words for me and for the encouragement. I hope I can write more and better with all the encouragement I get from IL'tes. Thanks.

 

Dear SS, Thanks again for your encouragement. I was absolutely shocked by the story of your maid. What is going to happen to this world? Though this is not the first time I am hearing someone killing the spouse, it is still shocking if it happens to some one we know! It made me happy that the little boy you played with grew up to be an Engineer. It is wonderful that your parents helped. Like it is said – there is no better way of helping a person than educating him.

By the way, in my native village we had generations of maids/servants/agriculture workers etc – but sadly/shamelessly/ or may be in a way …. in the spirit of creating equality and oneness - one or two of my grand uncles (My grand father’s cousins) made one or two of those maids their “Girl Friends” (Sorry trying too hard to speak respectfully here .

And Thanks for mistaking me with Jhumpa Lahiri. You see, I’ve been working on my Pulitzer speech in the bathroom since I was in High School. The only thing stopping me from getting one is that I have not made a single attempt towards my dream. So that says it all.

Keep your encouragements coming. Thanks.