The Single Child Syndrome

Dear Mitila,

I too have one child(daughter). She is married to another only child(boy). Iam a bit scared when I read this. Though she is the only grand daughter for both the grand parents we have always been a bit strict with her. We made her start working while she was doing her college. But we always allowed to choose her field of interest. We sent her to Chennai to learn TV journalism. Till marriage we were a bit strict with her. She always thought her parents are a bit funny. During the time of marriage she was stunned to see her parents in a different manner. We did our best to make their lives comfortable. Her in-laws also did their best to make their son the happiest.
Now my daughter says that"We shouldn't be spending on her anymore. Rather it's time we kept something for ourselves. She has realised that her parents never wanted to deprive anything but only dealy by few years. Hope they remain happy. Yuor friend's attitude was wrong. Instead she should have taught her girl to accept failures. True Single children do become egoistic. kanaka

My dear kanaka,
Thanks for your feed back.I thought a lot before writing the thread'The Single Child Syndrome'.The parents when they have a single child tend to give the child what all the child wants there is nothing wrong in it exept that the child should know that he /she wont get all she wants all the time.
A couple blessed with a single child visited her relative' house and stayed with them ,a fairly large family,for holidays.The parents wanted their child to be close to their relatives.But everyday in the mornoing the hosts' children would eat either curd rice made with the left over rice of the previous day,or uppuma.
The guests,parents of the single child wanted their child to have good breakfast.So the mother would ask her cousin to make different tiffin for her child or bring something from the hotel for her child.The other kids would make fun of this child .This is a rare case may be,but sometimes without any bad intentions we behave in such a manner that is not good for the alround growth of the child.
The child should learn to fight and accept both victiory and failures and have the grace to congratulate the winner.The child should not depend on the parents' to fight his/her battles.
My dear Kanaka,I am very happy that you have brought up a wonderful daughter.
This daughter of yours and your grandchildren should give you joy and nothing but joy.
All the best.
love
mithila kannan

My dear kanaka,
Thanks for your feed back.I thought a lot before writing the thread'The Single Child Syndrome'.The parents when they have a single child tend to give the child what all the child wants there is nothing wrong in it exept that the child should know that he /she wont get all she wants all the time.
A couple blessed with a single child visited her relative' house and stayed with them ,a fairly large family,for holidays.The parents wanted their child to be close to their relatives.But everyday in the mornoing the hosts' children would eat either curd rice made with the left over rice of the previous day,or uppuma.
The guests,parents of the single child wanted their child to have good breakfast.So the mother would ask her cousin to make different tiffin for her child or bring something from the hotel for her child.The other kids would make fun of this child .This is a rare case may be,but sometimes without any bad intentions we behave in such a manner that is not good for the alround growth of the child.
The child should learn to fight and accept both victiory and failures and have the grace to congratulate the winner.The child should not depend on the parents' to fight his/her battles.
My dear Kanaka,I am very happy that you have brought up a wonderful daughter.
This daughter of yours and your grandchildren should give you joy and nothing but joy.
All the best.
love
mithila kannan

dear mythila,
A lot you have written about single child is true to a great extent basically because they get parents' undivided attention . But it is not true in all cases as I have known them to love to be a part of a big family too. It finally comes to upbringing and fate to a large extent.
regards,
uma

Very good article
Replies are equally good.
Regrds
uma

Dear uma,
Thank you for the feed back.Iam happy that you liked the thread.Yes,the thread had ilites interacting,and giving their fbs.It was very nice,an open discussion where you share your views should always be welcome.
Regards
mithila kannan

Dear umasaras,
Yes,my friend,a lot of kids who do not have siblings have a great desire to be a part of a big family.I have seen them enjoying themselves in a family gettogether where all family members join to gether.As you rightly said,it is up to the parents to see that the child gets to mix with relatives and friends as much as possible.
Thank you for the fb.
love
mithila kannan

dear mythila,
i agree with you entitrely. but the reality is most of the parents have single or two children...they should now face the realities of their entire focus on the kids...i feel the kids should be out in hostels for atleast couple years to experience peerhood...and should be encouraged to be a part of the team rather than being a solo player....
sampath

Dear sampath,
Yes.Parents can put their kids in hostel to be a part of a team.But for that also they have to prepare their wards.Hostel life calls for caring for others and sharing with others and taking the rough with the smooth.If they can do that fine.All said,parents do play a major role in shaping up the child's personality so that he or she is fit ot face the challenges of life.
In a family with many children the fighting spirit is always there,to put it a little crudely,there it is the survival of the fittest.But a big famuily also gives a sense of security in one's old age.AI always tell my daughters that I and my husband do not depend on them.We want our daughters to be happy and be ok.But we depend on my husbands three younger brothers who look up to my husband as their father figure and listen to him.It is a pleasure to watch them being together chatting,watching tv together.By no means do I advocate big families,no not at all.But let us give the kids be they single or itwosome lots of love and earn them the good will and affection of the near and dear ones.
Thanks for the comment.
Regards
mythili

Hi Mithila,

Well highlighted issue.Great great job.

Purnima