Companion

Despite all health issues, all of us are back in the US on Sunday and was very happy to see my son and grandson happily welcoming us back home. Every time, I fly long hours, overwhelming thought would take control of myself embarrassing me most of the time being so non-responsive to the air-hostesses and fellow travelers. It could be someone I knew or something I contemplated about without any success in the past. This time is no exception and the long direct flight from New Delhi to Newark Liberty International was 14 and half hours and I don’t normally spend most of the time sleeping nor watching TV programs. This time it was about someone who remains with me forever no matter how much ever I try to shrug her off to have some personal time to myself.

Between the two of us we have a love/hate relationship. Sometimes, I feel like sobbing aloud keeping my head on her lap seeking help from her to make me alright while other times, I really want to stay as far away from her as possible to experience the worldly pleasure without any inhibitions and being controlled by her. She is very rigid, capable of taking me away in a flash from all my happiness and a person of uncertainties. There is not a time in the day that I am not afraid of her whether I am sick coughing and lying in bed unable to get a good night sleep or when I am blasting off with my friends enjoying Monday night football game along with a tailgate event. Answering her is always difficult no matter what situation we face as she gives no time to think nor our explanations makes any differences to her.

Every one of us are blessed with her and some of us are very keen to understand every minute details of her spending the entire life preparing themselves for her while others just ignore her altogether thinking that let her be the nuisance she is whenever she decides to be one. She is an inevitable companion with only her knowing everything about me and me having no understanding of her.

I have attended several events in the past where many of my revered earlier generation, my generation and even next generation friends and relatives and even kids who were born recently succumbed to her with no clue as to how to handle her with courage. In situations like that I only have words of high appreciation for the character of those who succumbed to her and I walk away knowing not even an iota more about her.

There are several books that provide guidance as to how to handle her. Many learned individuals share their rich knowledge about how to handle her but obviously none of those advices appears to have any effect in me learning anything more. Many times, I stupidly think that I can gain all knowledge in the world that would help me conquer her eventually but gaining knowledge to that extent is easier said than done.

The only option available appears to be to live in the present moment and enjoy the nature around me that are specifically wired to the best of my interest, enjoy the presence of people around me who have come into existence for the same reason why I came into existence, enjoy watching the Sun rise and set with a purpose, enjoy watching my thoughts come and go and hold on to some of them that appears to have some strong connections to my purpose, enjoy practicing contentment by holding everything I possess in trust as though I am unattached to anything and anyone, enjoy putting a ceiling on my desires and eliminate them one at a time and enjoy learning to consider my experiences with equanimity whether they are good or bad with similar mindset.

Let me reconcile to the fact that she is going to stay with me throughout my life no matter what and her uncertain nature is not going to change forever. I may not have the generosity to welcome her uncertainty at an inappropriate time but I can attempt to learn more about her without that effort affecting my day to day life. I can reconcile to the fact that she is with me for a reason to give me a fresh start at some point of time. I don’t care whether her presence is a beginning or an end of life but I can learn to thrive on her uncertainty by doing as much as possible today.

Adi Sankara declared, “If I have knowledge with me, I have no fear to embrace death”. If I am truly a divine being, I have that knowledge and my challenge is how to access, assimilate, understand and experience it to achieve immortality.

 

Dear Balajee,

I am not at all surprised about your disagreement with my view as we operate on premises which are diagonally opposite to each other. Assumption that life is finite makes you enjoy life better whereas awareness that life is a part of a long journey gives me confidence to overcome my limitations and feel good. As long as both of us are enjoying life as it should be, how does it matter what we believe in? Both our goals are to pursue happiness anyway.

viswa

 

Dear Sabitha,

I am settling down well and still working on getting out of my jet lag. Please don't ever hesitate to response and it is reading responses that makes me happier than writing the post itself. Honestly, there is nothing to be embarrassed about as it is not your fault to think I had written about life when my entire writing is about death. It is the nature of pair of opposites as life is the pair of death. I am going to ask you a very honest question as part of the process of my learning. Do you think you would understand what is happiness without knowing what is pain? Somehow, I feel it is important to know more about death for me to enjoy life even better. I experience life every second but I don't experience death but know about it when it happens to others. Knowing is not the same as experiencing.

Life also has a lot of uncertainties but honestly, we work so hard to minimize them to the best of our abilities. Can we do anything to minimize the uncertainty of death? Especially, someone like me who is enjoying the evening of life, it is easier to realize that every moment of enjoyment in life takes me closer towards the eventuality of death. Am I ready to face that eventuality as it could come in a fraction of a minute or give a notice of its arrival? What can I do today to prevent someone dying out of hunger somewhere else in the world? Will I have the same courage and determination many children show in TVs when they are hit with terminal illness? If the next moment is my last, what is the right thing for me to do at that last moment?

When my business partner and I were on a long drive the day after I arrived in the US, we came very close to a crash on the road. He called the name of Jesus aloud when I held my Rudraksham tight. We both had a lump in our throat and adrenalin rushed through the entire body. What were we really afraid of? Is it the pain or unknown journey or unpreparedness to let our lives go or the attachments to things and lives around us? What is it? What knowledge would make me accept that eventuality the way you described it in your sentence and stay focused on life? I really don't know the answers to such questions.

viswa

 

Dear Syamala,

Your choice appears to be always better than mine. I must have developed a conversation with someone seated next to me. I would like to be as frank as possible at the cost of exposing my weaknesses to the fullest extent to you. For me fear of death is overwhelming than anything I can handle courageously in life. As long as I assume death is at a distant future, my life appears to be normal and I am able to think the way you think about enjoying life. I am ready to stop analyzing death once someone is able to reduce that uncertainty and tell me the truth about how much time I have with reasonable amount of certainty and what is in store for me during the process of death and not even life after death. Is my reluctance to think about death due to my interest in doing my duties and enjoy life or because of the insurmountable fear I have for death that prevents me from freely discussing death? I have more questions than answers. Honestly, I don't want to complicate life with such questions but I need to know how does it feel to experience the process of death.

Even if I make a trip to India, I do so much planning as to what I was going to do during my stay in India, who were all the people I was going to meet and how much time I was going to spend quietly with my family. When I do so much planning for something I almost do regularly, why should I be reluctant to plan a journey that I had never experienced in this life or never remember experiencing in my prior lives?

I simply don't accept ignorance is bliss.

viswa