The Happy Couple

Shanvy · May 8, 2008

Radha, came home with a dull, puffed eyes today, it is now a routine thing for me to see her to see her this way.

I asked her, “What happened! Did you see them today also?”

She said “No! DH has asked for a divorce”.

Wondering about the them, who could make Radha cry??? It happened one day last month, for the first time. Radha was a happy cheery one, she had been having problems conceiving and was/is desperate for a baby, and I try my level best to keep her spirits up.

The first time she came crying, I did not know what to do, I thought it could be because of her not able to get any positive results. But over a cup of coffee and little cheering, she told me about a couple she sees everyday. After that, I have seen them a few times myself.

The husband is a 40 year old tall and good looking guy and the wife is a 35 year old lady with a bubbly infectious smile. They are seen shopping together. The husband buys the wife glass bangles, even puts them himself on her hands, and the happiness in the wife’s eyes is priceless.

Sometimes, the husband is seen buying vegetables, he asks her preference and opinion about every single vegetable and menu, you can sometimes hear them discussing the menu while buying veggies.

They are seen in the temple praying. They are very peaceful and happy from inside that they glow.

Now I know you guys, will think what is so wonderful about the couple, they are like most normal ones. Picture this, the wife is on a wheelchair, is taken everywhere by this husband. It is a common feature at the temple, the veg shop, and the fancy stores.

On subtle enquiry, we came to know that the wife does not have any feeling down her waist, and it had happened after a few years of marriage. The wife cannot even go to the toilet on her own. But the husband still loves her, takes care of her and her needs. His life revolves around her.

He feels his wife would have done the same for him, if the shoe was on the other leg, so why the surprise when it is the husband.

Radha’s husband wants a divorce just because she is not able to conceive.
A little more patience or going for adoption could make a great difference for all of them, but prejudices and social stigma still makes lives miserable.

I understood the depth of understanding and love. Being human and an understanding and compassionate one at that takes a lot of courage and I salute people like them.

The couple is not fictitious ones. I have seen them personally. Wanted to share their love and compassion with you all.

sudhavnarasimhan · May 8, 2008

Dear Shanthi,
Glad to have u back.....
True that love and understanding between the couples should be the only criteria which can help glide them over any adversities in married life. the couple u said seem to ahve it in abundance and this Radha and her husband dont have it enough that they can withstand the stigma from the society! Inspite of physical disabilty they dont seem to have any emotional disability!.....

aparna chidri · May 8, 2008

hello
very nice post
nice to hear about such loving nd resposible couple
regarding radha , her husband is behaving like an illeterate nd beloning to 1950`s person
aparna

Padmash · May 8, 2008

hi Shanti...

thanks for sharing this about such a wonderful couple. Really its difficult to find such couple. People like Radhas husband do exist really bad may be he is the reason that they are not able to get child, no need to divorce his wife. What can we say it is people own choice i know one government employee he married twice for the same reason.. he is so proud of his second wife because he got a son by her..totally mad. First wife was the reason for his success and it was she who always delayed conceiving so that he can get into good place.
But the coulpe you mentioned is really wonderful....definitely women do verything for their husband but it is rare that husband doing anything for their wife.
I remember, i know one person we call him uncle he is from vijaywada..his philosophy for marriage that he will the same girl to whom he go to see at her home for the first time....his bad luck she was not mentally developed but really beautiful....they got married, they have a daughter who is in mid thirties...they live so happily.... i have seen that uncle taking aunty to parties and he will tell her eat this first then this and finally he will tell her how to eat ice cream...that uncle and his daughter they do all the work.......
After reading your post i remember them after such a long time at least after three years and they are in chennai at present.

corallux · May 8, 2008

Dear Shanvyji,

Your thread opens up a lot of questions regarding a "happy married life".

OK the hubby wants to divorce the wife as she cannot conceive. What if the hubby had a problem & the wife is normal? How would society & hubby react if she said : Right I need to fulfil my maternal needs which is not poss staying with you, I want a divorce.

Shanvyji, you need to see some of the cases that I hear regarding newly married Indian couples. Many women have gone home as their hubbies were closet gays & had to get married to these girls for family prestige/dowry. Guess what, these girls faced flak from society.

Why is it that the concept of Sahadharmini is applicable to women only when the male needs her support & not the other way around?

Just my thoughts....

Regards,

Corallux

vkrithika1 · May 8, 2008

Dear shanthi,

Happy to see you again after the vacation that too with a bang.

If there is a basic understanding and love, life will be colourful like the old couple.No hurdles like money,tension...........can spoil the party.Even my dh's periappa is like him.OUr periyamma has some mental disturbance and he takes care of her like a small child for almost 20 years.

It is really paining to see radha's situation.i am surprised to see such husbands in this modern world.These people can never lead a happy life even if they marry another girl.If he cannot have a child even in second marriage,what will happen?the other girl will be the victim to his atrocities.

AnithaA · May 8, 2008

Dear Shanvy,

Welcome back! I had been wondering about you.... What a poignant post! It sure is osme food for thought.

Regards,
Anitha

Arunarc · May 8, 2008

Hi Shanthi
You have explained both the side.
1st wife is not able to conceive and so he wants a divorce. Here it is like wife useless throw her away. In such cases I feel such men should not be left with any mercy shown to them. Here the lady should divorce such a person and go away.
2nd even wife is of no use still the DH wants her and take care of her. In this case it shows where love and understanding is important in life.
Where there is no love and understanding only then we will face the situation like in the 1st case.
I have a few friends who are not able to conceive because of some reason or the other but touch wood they have got such wonderful DH who take care of them and do not make them feel becoz no kids I don't want you, but instead will shower all they love on them.
I feel Radha should be happy to divorce such a person who do not care for her or do not love her.
Has he got married to her, before checking her out if she can conceive or not???? ..........or the problem is in his side not Radha's.............

Lalitha Shivaguru · May 8, 2008

Dear Shan,

A nice post bringing out the subtle love between the couple and the contrast of Radha's husband.

It is a pity that only women are allowed to suffer in society even if the fault is with the man. As if they are faultless.Honestly my blood boils seeing these kind of selfish males.

There are women who go on to say the problem lies with them though it is the other way round just to please the ego of the man and his family........Shame on them. It is high time, we women woke up from our deep slumber.

Sorry shan when topic lies this comes, i just cannot help myself......... but I also admire the love between the other couple. Two sides of the same coin. Very well brought out.

Jaynat · May 8, 2008

Dear Shanvy,

Both instances shows two different perspectives in life.

One where we form relationships expecting so many things in return. In retrospect these relationships are superficial, if the expected benefits do not accrue then the relationship becomes meaningless.
On the other hand some relationships are formed based purely on the joy/happiness that a person derives from that particular union, be it family or friends. Here there are no expectations, no boundaries for sharing love and no criticisms. But only ACCEPTANCE. Acceptance that is so simple and pure. That is why some relationships survive even the toughest situations and some wither away at the slight sign of trouble.

Both aspects are nicely brought out in your post.Where is no complete acceptace then it is better for the relationship to wither so that new ones can blossom in its place. After all shavy " When God closes one door , he opens another".

With warm regards
Jay.