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In Search of Clues ...

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by ojaantrik, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    I have forgotten how to write I lamented silently. And then wondered for the umpteenth time how the elements had conspired to cause this state of affairs. I had no idea, none at all.

    “I have no clue at all,” I sighed somewhat audibly.

    “No?” exclaimed she.

    My wife took me by surprise, I have to admit. Actually, now that I recount the conversation, I realize that I had committed a blunder at the very beginning. I had used my voice to express my thoughts. Thoughts need not be uttered with vociferation. At least my thoughts, not Mozart’s perhaps. But, as I said, I had enjoined my brain waves with my vocal chords. And forgotten all about the faux pas. Hence the confabulation that followed.

    “No?” I fumbled, in response to what I mistook to be an unprovoked utterance on the part of my wife. “I mean what are you referring to?”

    “I have no clue at all.” A clear soprano confronted me. Well, I have to admit that I wasn’t exactly sure if it was a flawless soprano, which Wikipedia identifies as lying between 261 Hz and 880 Hz, and I don’t know even vaguely what that means. But I am sure that I heard the words clearly.

    “How do you mean?” I asked therefore. It’s best to leave as few things to vagueness as possible. I can’t recall the person from whom I inherited this piece of questionable wisdom. Disappearing behind a curtain of vagueness is also known to be a potent weapon to save oneself from embarrassment.

    “I meant whatever you had said when you said whatever it is that you said.” Clear sharp answer.

    You see, age has done things to my comprehension and it took me a good deal of mental struggle to simplify the somewhat compound sentence she had employed to refer to whatever I had said when I said whatever I had said. I failed of course.

    So, I asked her, “Whatever did I say when I said whatever I said?”

    She replied, “I have no clue at all!”

    “But didn’t you claim only a second ago that there indeed was a whatever that I had said and that I did say it when I said it?” I shed a tear or two this time.

    “Of course I did,” said she.

    I was at my wit’s end now. Blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol and all the other things that conspire to make doctors examine your lipid profile or whatever, were rising.

    It was clearly time for me to give up. So, I didn’t give up.

    Instead, I said, “If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well it were done quickly …”

    It had the intended effect. Her confidence had received a jolt. There was a flustered look on her otherwise pretty face.

    “What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.

    I tried to explain as best as I could. “It’s advisable to finish off unpleasant things as quickly as possible. Dilly dallying doesn’t help.”

    “What unpleasant thing?” she asked suspiciously, her left hand surreptitiously searching for a blunt weapon I thought, should emergencies arise.

    “Such as murder,” I explained. That’s what Macbeth had observed prior to killing Duncan.

    “I knew, I knew …” she thundered this time, flourishing a rolling pin in her left hand.

    “You knew what?” I said more than sheepishly now, swiftly taking cover under the dining table.

    “I knew you were planning to murder me and that’s exactly what you were mumbling to yourself.”

    “Mumbling to myself?” I bewailed hidden from her line of vision and ended up finally with a hesitant “What?”

    “I don’t have a clue,” she thundered now hurling the rolling pin towards whatever lay under the table. The target was missed, for I heard the noise of splintered glass.

    And in the meantime I keep wondering why it is that I have forgotten to write.

    I really don’t have a clue.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Welcome back OJ-da! What a delight to read you. I am trying to keep as silent as possible as I laugh1smiley because I don't feel upto ducking under tables trying to explain to an mil and a BH what I am laughing about. Hilarious one as always. Thanks a lot for giving me a good laugh. :-D
     
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  3. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha ha.

    Moral of the story - however well people coax you in a personality development class, to think aloud, never do that at home especially when your spouse is around. :)

    Nice one OK'. O & K are the first and the last letters of your user name, wondering what it is, don't search for clues, save yourself from further trouble. :)
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sri Ojaantrik:

    What a delight to read your writing after a long time that too reading your post with great sense of humor. Whether it is thought expressed or intended mumbling, there are certain things that are an absolute, "No" to be uttered in the presence of the spouse. I have learned the hard way that even laughing to myself thinking of something is dangerous that could result in a missile attack.

    Jokes apart, if you think you have no clue how to write, I have no option but to question “what you meant when you said whatever it is that you said.” I have no clue how to respond as I don't know what you meant when you said whatever it is that you said.

    Viswa
     
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  5. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Satchi. Laughter they say is the best medicine. Not that you are ill. But we can laugh anyway. I was getting tired with my Bengali rhymes in FB and put together a quick one here last evening. Not too seriously written I suppose. But something is better than nothing. May be it is, may be not. It seems there are a whole lot of somethings which are better than nothings.

    oj-da
     
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  6. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry Satchi,

    Please read the word "better" as "worse" in the last line of my response to your fb. IL rules forbid correction of errors.

    oj-da
     
  7. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear GG,

    I am a bit of a nomad, or else we could have met earlier at IL. I might have been roaming elsewhere when you arrived. Hence, you are not privy to the OJ mystery. OJ is what Cheeniya christened me as. But OK seems fine too. After all, the English alphabets make J and K close neighbours. Or, as Shelley might have put it, "If OJ comes, can OK be far behind?"

    As far as the Holy Grail of ojaantrik goes, I do have a clue. I put
    it up here right after big bang, that is when Time was an infant. You will find it here:

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/snippets-of-life-non-fiction/46705-ojaantrik-an-explanation.html

    Best regards.

    OK
     
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  8. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for your thoughts Viswa. I am not exactly sure what's gone wrong. I have a creeping suspicion though that my Muse has abandoned me.

    Alternatively, I may be expecting too much out of myself. Need to get a brain check up I guess.

    Best wishes.

    ojaantrik
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    I read whatever I read when I read and that was absolutely hilarious. Looooong time no see OJ. Welcome back.
     
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  10. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear, dear OJ
    If Topol is the Fiddler on the Roof, you are certainly the Tickler on the Prowl! Look at poor Satchi. Says she cannot afford to LOL and attract everyone's attention and right now she is not fully equipped to duck under the table either! That is what the return of OJ does to every one, me included! And what a double damaka it was! I get up in the morning to find a new post from you and a few hours later I get a phone call from you to give me more laughs! It was delightful having a long and lively chat with you.

    I agree with GoogleGlass that home is not the right place to think aloud particularly when you are equipped with a stentorian voice that makes even your whispers audible to your neighbourhood! Fortunately you are extremely erudite to toss around quotes from the Bard at will and if that does not save you from the effect of thinking aloud, you will mercilessly fling Greek classics at the beneficiary of your loud thinking to subdue them!

    Unfortunately you chose a wrong quote of Bard this time that escalated the situation to a possible physical harm that drove you to duck under the table which Satchi could not do for reasons best known to her! You could have quoted instead something like 'For you and I are past our dancing days'. Such a statement might have even made her nostalgic and a quick diversion from the topic would have been cake walk for you! Please remember this when you happen to think aloud again.

    Coming to your lamentation that you have forgotten to write, I am the one without a clue now about what makes you say that!
    Sri
     
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