Experience with maids

jayasala42 · Sep 15, 2014

"Be the masterof your Will and slave of your conscience'- A beautiful snippet Viji made me share my experiences with maids.
Once we decide to be a working woman( I don't deny that all women work hard)as per the common usage,I didn't foresee that we have to learn a lot from them and they will be our Gurus on so many aspects.

When my husband told that his wife will be a working girl( In office or school) , my MIL categorically stated " I don't have objection. But I can't guarantee my presence always.I have got my responsibilities with other children too. Make your own arrangements to look after the children".

But my MIl was a source of insiration for about 30 years, almost without any gap.
Servant maid are a class in themselves and we need a special MBA to manage them.
I had some idea from Bharathi's famous poem"

Kooli migak ketpaar;koduththathellaam thaam marappar;
velai miga vaiththirunthaal veettile thangiduvaar;
enadaa nee netraikku ingu vara viilai enraal,
paanaiyile thel irunthu pallaal kadiththathenbaan;
the poem goes on until Lord Krishna takes the role of servant.
Normally I used to give her good sarees which are normally worn for office use, not the old ones.
This landed me into great problem. She came home wearing my saree. She was washing the vessel near the well facing the other side.I had gone to buy milk. My husband called me so many times;Since there was no response.He peeped thro the backyard. Thinking that she was me, chided her telling" Are you deaf"?So many times I am shouting.
The servant maid just turned. My husband felt ashamed ran inside. Thank God, she did not create any problem. I had to request her not to wear my sarees when she came to our house.
We arranged for a small girl to take care of children, though MIL was there.My MIL had no objection since she belonged to our community.
As I was returning from office,at a distance I could see my son 8 months old sitting on the parapet wall of the open terrace while the girl was playing ball with a neighbouring girl. My heart pumped heavily. Without shouting, I ran home, climbed the stairs and dragged the baby.The girl replied" No, mami, I made him sit with his two legs on either side of the parapet wall only.
I just locked the open terrace from that day.
So many horrifying experience that can't be listed
The servant girl had a mild heart problem.So we sent her home. Her parents gave her in marriage to an idli shop owner, ;She had to grind batter daily and she passed away within 3 years.
Another girl came for Palakkad. She was very beautiful. Her mother was working as a cook in Kerala.She was kind and affectionate. After six months ,on a Sunday morning, some MD of a big firm came home in a new car, introduced himself as the maternal uncle of the girl giving all the deatils and requested us to send her along with him so that she could be some help during his daughter's delivery. We didn't want to send a 15 year old girl with an unknown stranger, though she recognised him. We were particular to send her only with her mother whom we knew.After a heated discussion, her mother was brought from Kerala and the girl was sent.
Till date why a brother is in such a high status and his sister and children struggle for food.

The third experience !

The girl came home when she was 12. We celebrated her attaining puberty, gave her costly dresses, a gold stud etc.
She was a very good girl. She was friendly with my children, MIL also was very happy. It was the dawn of TV.My relaives/cousins were getting married one by one. We used to take her to all marriages.Somehow she started developing a desire that she would get married to a degree holder, well earning and she would get settled in a home like that of ours with all the facilities like Fridge, TV etc etc.

She never realised that having studied only upto 4th Std, and having no inclination or inquisitiveness to learn anything, this may not be practically possible. Adolescent age. Maturity set in as well as the desires.She did not want to leave our house. My MIL had to visit her daughter for a few months.I was tense throughout.
She openly told me that she won't leave my house unless I arranged her marriage with a boy working for Government or bank.
As there was no telephone, we could not contact her parents;Our letters remained unresponded.
One day as I was travelling by bus to Mylapore. The woman sitting next to me accidentally told that her son, a graduate, afflicted by polio, with some limping was working for a bank in the city and he had a small house ina parsh locality in Chennai. They needed a girl, ready to remain at home, co operate with her son, not pointing out the physical diabilities. The boy's parents were influential and their other sons and daughters well settled. They particularly wanted this girl. Much prepared for a simple wedding with 4 sovereigns of gold.

I thought that the girl was lucky and she is getting a good alliance suited to her taste.
I came home. My husband enquired about the boy and the family. As it was to our full satisfaction,we talked to her. But she was not convinced. She was not prepared to marry a boy with physical deformities. With so much of discussing skills and notwithstanding my confidence to win over her, I miserably failed.
I knew fully well that the desire of the girl was very much important. But she could not accept her partner walking with a limp.
She needed a partner, a graduate, very good looking -in a Govt service.She never realised that such a fine gentleman may not opt for an uneducated girl, working as a maid.
All our attempts failed. That boy was blessed with a normal healthy,girl working in our bank as his life partner.
Our maid lost a golden opportunity.All her flowery imaginations were shattered. Meanwhile her father expired and the girl didn't return thereafter.
We received invitation for her marriage. The boy was having a small grocery shop, with very scanty business. She had to struggle by doing odd jobs.
That was her destiny. After a few years when she visited us she regretted for not having listened to me. But too late, a realisation!
Somehow I felt guilty that we are responsible for her mentality because we were very generous,affectionate and never treated her as a maid but as one of the family members.Was it my failure in not having made her realise the practicality?

My office mate, from a poor family ,was able to understand the situation. Now she is well off with her children well educated and settled.

What has gone wrong with my treatment?Is it necessary to show one his/her own place?
As though to compensate all these things,my servant maid who helps in cleaning, washing,continues with us from 1969.Don't swoon.A very long innings indeed!
It is a fact.In fact she was working as a chittal ( asst to mason) when we were building our house. Since it was a new area, we preferred to keep that girl as a servant.
Now she is also 73.For 45 long years, she never absented herself for a single day. Even when sick, she sends her grand daughter/DIL for work.

I have lost touch with holding a broom or washing vessels,which we do only when we visit US.

We have also helped her a lot. We got her a small flat around 400 sq. ft near our house, costing about 1.75 lakhs in 1995.
We helped her son, studied only upto 8th,get a lab attender job in a Higher Secondary School . Now that the school has become affiliated to Govt, he gets
a handsome salary with pension benefits, free education to his son and daughter.
The servant has been well rewarded for her sincerity.
Don't you think that I am equally fortunate?

Jayasala 42

kalpavriksham · Sep 15, 2014

we never can say anything with people.

action A will be treated differently with 2 different people B and C.

mam. you have been empathetic (with practical sense) throughout your life. your associates must have been quite lucky to receive such understanding, needy service from you. what has failed in B has clicked (touchwood) in C.

LONG LIVE you and vijiamma(ofcourse allof us).

rgsrinivasan · Sep 16, 2014

Nice to read your experiences with the maids Madam. People taking advantage of being treated that way, always exist, not just in one stratum.

At times we wonder whether it was a mistake in us being genuine to them, but we can't change ourselves too. While some of us have this as a result of being fairly treated right from childhood, some choose to believe more in people, in spite of all the hardship that they had faced. Its is better to believe and at times get disappointed, rather than having a cynic's view always. At times, yes, a caution may just prove vital.
I remember a maid who served us for many years when I was a kid. She had 2 daughters, one of them was of my age then. That girl talked less, worked more and carried herself with some dignity. She also was good in studies. Later we moved and got other maids as such. But I was still badly hit when I came to know that she committed suicide. The mother didn't live much longer after that. The first one was already married and I occasionally see her, as they come to visit us in Chennai, rarely. My parents acted in similar fashion and that was the reason for these visits.
-rgs

satchitananda · Sep 16, 2014

Interesting experiences JS42. Somehow it is hard to bring oneself to treat them any different from ourselves. Am sure what you did was what you should have done; it is the misfortune of that girl for having let the bird in hand fly away - as they say "vinasha kaale, vipareetha buddhi".

You are also fortunate to have found someone who has stayed loyal all these years. Things are so different now. No matter how well you treat them, give them whatever they demand, they lack loyalty, professionalism and don't think it is in order to reciprocate.

kishoreg · Sep 16, 2014

Good experiences and everything was fantastic, but the only thing I can't understand is why a girl as a child labour /servant maid at the age of 12....no offences to anyone..
one may say that we are helping them financially by giving her a maid job but in the long run it's not good .....

VaniVyas · Sep 16, 2014

Mam,

So many experiences and so many learnings... I think you can write a book on "How to handle maids..."Just kidding, hope u are not offended.

jayasala42 · Sep 16, 2014

Dear Kishoreg,
I fully endorse what you say.These girls were not at all interested in going to school and simply wiling away their time. Their family being known to us, we brought the girl.She was treated as one of the members of the family with all the facilities and not as a labourer.
It is not that I support child labour.
Jayasala 42

iyerviji · Sep 17, 2014

True Jayakka dear the maids take advantage of our being good with them and treating them as our family member. Nice to read your experiences with your maids

I also had two maids while I was working. One maid was not staying with her husband and she worked with us for some years when my children were in primary. She used to stay with us and we used to treat her like our family member. We even opened a bank account for her and used to put her salary in the bank. Seeing me and my husband close to each other she used to be jealous. I used to give her my sarees and also buy sarees for her but she never used to appreciate. Also she used to say what is there for you , you are working and earning good. Once my friend had come and she said something and she was telling her why dont you help her when you are talkng so much. I can understand her problem . As she was not staying with her husband she could not see me happy with my husband. Then when I had delivered my youngest daughter she left the job and went.

Then we had another young girl who also used to take advantage of our kindness. Somehow we managed with her and when my youngest daughter went to fourth standard we stopped her and did not keep anyone and used to manage somehow.

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Sep 18, 2014

Dear Jaya,
You are lucky to get a good maid. In olden days maids were sincere and faithful. Nowadays it is difficult to get such maids. I had quite an experience with them after I came to Chennai.
My daughter had a maid and when she became old her daughter came to work in her place. Every year she used to give two sets of new saris and also her old saris which were also in good condition. Daily she used to give milk in the morning and then freshly cooked lunch also after they ate. When she got married she gave her 5000 RS and also when she had a boy she admitted him in an English medium school. My daughter used to pay the fees for the whole year, for books and also for uniform.
As my daughter used to do social service she used to give the house key to her and she started pilfering things and when it was not noticed daringly she used to steal cash also.
My daughter recommended her to me also and I noticed her stealing things and then cash. Then I alerted my daughter,and then she kicked her out after finding so many things missing from her house which were kept in the loft.and also a large amount of cash.
PS

jayasala42 · Sep 18, 2014

Dear Pushpa,
Even if the maids seem to be honest, we have to be very careful and should not give room for human weakness to overpower. Throughout Chennai, why, throughout this country, this problem exists.
The condition is entirely different overseas. Once a fortnight, they come and do everything, dusting, cleaning, washing bath rooms etc , but day to day work we have to do. Our children suffer daily ,having no help even if they are sick.
Jayasala 42