Introspection

Introspection has been a difficult subject for me for many years. Why is it so hard for me to analyze my thoughts, words and actions? From where my thoughts are coming? How am I evaluating my thoughts before putting them into actions? What is the process I follow to differentiate good thoughts from bad thoughts? If I identify a good thought, how do I construct the processes to implement that thought into action? How do I actually implement my actions? Do I seek assistance from the right people to do such actions and do I articulate/communicate my thoughts properly? What did I do with those thoughts that were never put into actions? Did I properly evaluate my actions after they were carried out? How did I benchmark my actions? Did I compare them with my past good actions or good actions of others? After review, what did I do with the lessons learned?

These questions have dominated my mind throughout my life for some of them I seriously attempted to find answers while for others I am struggling to get answers. My mind is trained to look outwards to express my opinions on good and bad and it was never trained to look inwards. Besides, my mind keeps building concepts constantly and once it is embedded as my character, it refuses to accept a genuine mistake as a mistake unless I invoke my intellect to evaluate it as a judge. Sometimes, my emotional mind has the habit of being stronger than my intellect in which case I had to invoke my conscience to evaluate. I have realized it is really hard to subjugate the emotional mind unless I practice it really hard regularly.

Seriously, it is hard to predict where my thoughts are coming from. The scriptures indicate that thoughts are vasanas we had inherited from our prior lives. They are basically encryption that our Divine Consciousness is trying to get rid of over several lives to become liberated from the cycle of birth and death. Watching my thoughts sitting in a session where my senses are least active (early morning hours) gives me some idea about my encryption but overall where thoughts are coming from remains a mystery.

With respect to evaluating my thoughts, I categorize them into a) important thoughts that dominate my mind throughout the day for many days, b) urgent thoughts requiring immediate actions, c) undesirable thoughts that keeps lingering in my mind, d) thoughts with respect to my relationship with others, e) thoughts filled with a lot of emotions, f) thoughts filled with spirituality, g) self-praising thoughts, h) thoughts that appreciate the fellow beings and i) thoughts that motivates to help fellow beings. Of all the above categories, a lot of effort is needed to eliminate undesirable and ego boosting self-praising thoughts and to sort out thoughts filled with too much emotions.

I am aware that good thought does not necessarily become a good action unless I streamline the processes of doing that action. I believe it is important to do it right every step of the way even if the end results is not necessarily the best. Especially, if it involves fellow beings, I have to ensure that it is done in a manner that is not inconvenient or objectionable. I don’t hesitate to seek help once I am convinced to do an action that requires assistance. I write down the thought and the processes to ensure that I effectively communicate them with others.

The following are always my struggle. What do I do with thoughts that are never made into actions? Many times, I believed those thoughts disappear automatically but they don’t. They remain dormant in the mind unless I make a sincerely effort to throw them out of my mind. I am not sure whether I am doing a good job evaluating actions after they are implemented. I am not good at benchmarking my actions. When I compare my actions with that of others, the quality of their work and circumstances in which they were carried out always makes me believe others’ actions are superior to mine. I make very good mental note of lessons learned from my actions and contemplate on them for a long period of time. Those lessons are definitely embedded into all my future actions.

My biggest weakness is contemplating spiritual thoughts because I lose focus on time. Should I be limited by time when I contemplate on such thoughts? Probably not, if I decide to dedicate my life on such thoughts only. I am however very liberal in appreciating and helping other fellow beings and it is very much embedded into my life. One thing I always remind me is not to panic about my weaknesses as I have very little time left to waste. Learning is the purpose why I am here and I can’t deprive myself of that benefit.

 

Dear Mrs. Jayasala:

Thank for your first response and I am truly humbled with your words of appreciation. Maharishi Ramana came to light the lamp of knowledge like Adi Sankara and I am a beginner digesting a small portion everyday knowing there is so much left to learn.

You are absolutely right. Many times, we take decisions based on emotions quickly just like preventing a child from touching the fire. Emotions perhaps are a needed ingredient for our very existence. Tears rolling down the eyes in reverence for someone or Divinity is good. It is also good if our heart melts for the welfare of the fellow beings.

What I struggle with is to understand primary and secondary emotions. If my actions express emotions as a result of a right action, I welcome it. For example, if my heart bleeds for the people in Kashmir suffering from flooding, it is secondary emotion known as compassion. I have analyzed my own behavior when my father passed away in 1987. I cried quietly in a corner for a prolonged period of time uninterrupted by anyone. Initially, I thought it was all love for my dad but later I figured out his loss with reference to my development and growth as a person that caused such a pain in my heart. Somehow I felt that it was primary emotions. Had I cried for losing a noble person in my father, that action would have justified as secondary emotion. I hope I make sense through these statements.

As long as introspection makes us a better person, it is good. But we do have the risk of justifying our actions not knowing who is in charge inside of us whether it is emotion or intellect. As learned people say, the voice of intellect is very feeble and we can only here it in silence as opposed to the voice of emotional mind which is always aloud.

Viswa

 

Dear Kalpavriksham,

Thank you for responding to this post. We learn so much everyday whether it is with respect to the world or our internal world. In an effort to concentrate our mind, we struggle a lot. When we get to the contemplation stage or understanding stage, we do some actions to cleanse our mind. When we reach meditative state, we keep the mind stable unaffected by the pair of opposites such as pleasure and pain.

When we climb the ladder of knowledge, our emotional mind drags us down a little. As I mentioned earlier in my response to Mrs. Jayasala, there is nothing wrong in secondary emotions that arises as a result of our thoughts or actions made using our intellect. But when emotional mind takes over and become a primary decision maker, it prevents us from growth and development. Emotions are necessary only for communication and expression and for making our heart lighter. If it is contributing to our growth it is good and on the contrary, if it is a stunning block to our growth, it is bad. Emotions should have selflessness in it without which it becomes obsolete.

I will pass your loving message to Orion today without fail.

Viswa

 

Dear Kishore,

It is a good way to look at life. It is important to understand that we can't exist without actions. If our actions are good, it becomes our nature and if our actions are bad, they become our lessons. Learning out of our experiences is the purpose of life and in fact, experiences are created for us to learn out of them.

Learning is a life long exercise, no, not even a life long exercise and it is an exercise over many lives.

Viswa

 

Dear Mrs. Srinivasan:

I am only learning the process of introspection by questioning myself and I am not even sure where I am traveling with these exercises. I can't perfect this spiritual exercise, in fact, I am far away from perfecting it. But, I have to admit it is a very humbling experience. The most knowledgeable person is one who has learned all about his/her weaknesses and makes effort to overcome such weaknesses. Weaknesses exist and some I am aware of and some I am not even aware of. For me to fix something, I need to know about them. To know about it, I have to eliminate my ego, review them and get humbled.

Viswa