Sleep Pretty Darling, Do Not Cry, And I Will Sing A Lullaby

Life is so full of its strange twists and turns. Just a couple of weeks ago I wrote about how mom was doing well and was a lot better than she had been around the end of last year and early this year.

I spake too soon. Did I cast an evil eye on my own mom? She suddenly took ill with the chronic urinary infection she had been carrying since she came out of hospital nearly 2 years ago. Probably it had reached her kidneys. To cut a long story short, she breathed her last within 3 days of getting high fever and rigors. It was a sudden end.

The emotions I felt were very mixed. Looking down at her face as she lay there on her bed, I felt very happy for her. She looked so tranquil and peaceful with no sign of pain. She looked like she was in a deep slumber after a lifetime of hard work - a very well deserved rest. Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby.

On the other hand, yes, it is a tremendous loss for me. Even if she was not all there, even if she could not remember my name, even if she was in her own world a lot of the time, I miss visiting her every second or third day and spending time with her and seeing her sweet, childlike, mischievous grin. But I can't be selfish, I can't wish her to live indefinitely and suffer just because I want to see her in front of me all the time. Besides I now have 2 guardian angels standing guard over me. :-D

Strange though it might sound, it is in some ways a relief for me too - watching her suffer was a living death for me every moment. Now both she and all of us who underwent mental agonies over her suffering have been shown mercy by the Lord.

The obsequies were done. The ashes were immersed in the Sangam at Srirangapatnam. The weather was beautiful, the river was full, the water flowed swiftly, all around it was so lush and green with lots of birds on the rocks. A temple could be spotted in the distance. I am sure mom would not have wished for a better resting place.

My mind was also at peace as I released the ashes in the river and saw them float away. I had carried the pot on my lap all the way - the very last moment when any human being can be with another. My mom - my baby in her final years - travelled on my lap on her last journey and went off on a nice little swim down the river to join the wide ocean, to be free for eternity. We had done the best we could for her.

She had passed away on an Ekadasi day and the cremation was on a Dwadasi. It is said "ekadasi maranam and dwadasi dahanam" is only for the very blessed persons and is very difficult to get. I am so happy for her. She is relieved of all her sufferings and has joined my dad, her family and all our friends upstairs. They are having a grand party there - I can hear all the ruckus they are creating there. Good for all of them. :-D

Just as the rivers discard their individual names to merge with the sea
So too the wise ones discard their egos to merge with the Infinite

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The last few days have been very busy with friends coming over, calling and it is really very heart warming as well as humbling to realize how many well-wishers and friends I have in the real as well as in the virtual world. It has kept me from going completely down in the dumps.

In fact it is nice sitting down with my sis and bil and chatting about old memories. I pulled out some old pics and could not help smile when my cousin told me where it was taken - in Mumbai - when the entire family, my mom, dad, my sis, I, my mom's parents and siblings with their families all went one evening on an outing to a studio to have photos taken. I could not help smiling. The very thought of a family outing to a studio is something I can't think of today - at least it is not so common any more. What an innocent and simple way of passing the time of evening. :-D

We were also recollecting our visits to our dad's family home. I remembered going out with my uncle when I was 5. He bought some grape juice for me. Some warning bells went inside my little head and I asked him "isn't this alcohol"? Today I can't help wondering where I got such notions at that age! LOL. I remember him growling at me to shut up and quietly drink it up. :rotfl