Ravana living in Bangalore !

The sweet sound of victory…The audience applauding. The accolades after the performance.The myriad voices shouting ‘Bravo!’. I used to win that competition. I used to…3 years in a row. The National Piano Maestro Competition. The most prestigious piano competition in India. I could never win it again....

Hi! My name is Ravana. Life with ten heads is tough. Since I was young I
always felt life was a burden. My mother complained incessantly. 'I have to buy ten feeding bottles at a time. Breast feeding you is near impossible!' ( as you can imagine). And she never failed to remind me that because of me she had to have a caesarian section. A humiliation in her royal family where natural childbirth was considered a sign of strength for a woman

Burping me holding ten heads at once wasint easy. My brother Kumbakarna always joked that when I burped after meals it sounded like a concerto of frogs! So we needed eight maids at all times.

Brushing my teeth was a nightmare. I had ten heads but only two hands! I could never decide whether to go left to right or vice versa. Combing my hair was no easier. My barber always complained that one head wanted to look like Laloo and another like Abdul Kalaam.

Yes my heads had opinions of their own. At night I couldint sleep because if one head wanted to turn the other did not.

And all the kids made fun of me at school. They called me names. They called me TENzing because I liked mountain climbing .They said I should play TENnis. They called me TENali Ravana if I said something smart. They were mean. So I went to the movies alone bought ten tickets and sat in the back row. Night clubs were too expensive . They charged One Hundred Rupees per head!

But things were not all bad. In summer I worked in a call center and made a lot of money since I could talk to ten people at once. And I never failed at school since I could read ten books simultaneously. I was also a whiz at Quiz. I was the school champion at all the Inter School festivals.

However I became a star after I learned to play the piano. Head 3 took to the piano like a duck to water. I began to win every competition.

Then Head 8 began to play chess. In under a year I was seeded fourth in Karnataka. (I live in Bangalore) Success was getting to my heads ( so to speak).

Then I got this letter from the USA.

It was an all expense paid invitation to play at an International Piano Competition. I was going to the U.S.A ! Maybe I could meet Kasparov....

New York was everything I dreamed it would be. The flight there was my most memorable experience. I had to get 10 seats of course. And keep the air sickness bags pinned to the seats in front of each head. Just in case. And wear adult diapers. (My heads wouldn’t fit in those tiny airplane bathrooms ) But I could watch all the movies on the flight. At the same time! One of the privileges of having 10 heads. But I had to walk sideways down the aisles . I discovered all the good looking girls seemed to sit in the center aisle. One girl made eyes at me. But then I found out she was just looking for her glasses. I was never very good with girls. Finally we landed in New York.

Immigration was hell. The guy at the counter asked for 10 visas and 10
passports! And insisted on interviewing each head! I couldn’t convince him that one couldn’t be a terrorist if the other wasint. When the ordeal ended I went into New York City.

New York City! One cabbie almost drove onto the sidewalk looking at me! Everywhere I had to listen to funny oneliners like 'Hey do they call you the Talking Heads?’, ' I couldn’t hire you in my company. You would be too much Overheads!', 'Do they have 'Heads Crossing' Signs where you live?’, 'When your in Love do you fall Heads over heels?!’. And sometimes they were actually funny.


New York, however, is where I met Gita. Let me explain. Like I said before I was never very popular with girls. They were always afraid of me. One girl told me it was tough making eye contact! But still I liked girls. I had this strange dream where Im kissing 10 girls at once. I have never told anyone about that dream until now...... But girls never liked me.

Until……………………Gita. *sigh*

She was my opponent. She lived in Bangalore too. I noticed she kept staring at me. At first I thought I was mistaken. Then after the Quiz she came to talk to me. And asked for my phone number! No girl had ever asked me for my phone number. She called that evening. We began to date.

She always insisted on talking to each head when she phoned me. One minute for each. Head 3 always tried to talk longer. ( He thought she liked him more). Head 8 however refused to speak to Gita.

I saw a problem developing.

You see Heads 3 and 8 were always a little smarter than the others. We all accepted that.

Head 8 argued against marriage to Gita. 'What if we have a kid wiith ten heads?', he argued. ' What about all the extra mouths to feed? And what if our baby is a girl? How will we get her married? Have you thought of that? With ten heads we will have to buy ten necklaces and ten mangalsutras ! Who will agree for that? How can we afford such a dowry? Think of the beauty parlour expenses!'

Head 8 would use any argument to avoid marriage to Gita. Whats wrong with a girl having ten heads? I bet any guy would be glad to have so many lips to kiss. I wish Gita had 10 heads...Each head would have its own companion wife. Oh but that would create trouble too. That head 6 would try to steal head 7s companion head. Hes a real casanova that head 6. But I would have to be careful not to approach her from behind... Lot of swapping would take place if I do that you see...No, no I shouldint think naughty things... So where was I? Aahh yes. The trouble at the debate....

At one college festival during a debate I realized things were much more serious than I thought. It was no longer just an occasional disagreement. Something happened that made me feel like my whole world was collapsing around me.....

I was participating in a debate. Head 3 was speaking for the motion. The
topic was `Did India need a 2 Party System?’ One of the debaters had heard about the difference of opinion between Heads 3 and 8. So he decided to take advantage. He addressed Head 8 instead of Head 3. ` What do you think Head 8’, he asked. Head 8 began to speak out of turn.! He spoke AGAINST the motion. I was supposed to speak FOR the motion! 'Freedom means no restrictions ', he said , 'If we limit the number of parties we are restricting freedom.'. He went on and on. We lost of course....

Now two groups began to form. One for Head 3 and the other for Head 8.

Head 3 liked Chinese. Head 8 liked Dosas. Head 3 liked Politics. Head 8 liked Ethics. Always opposites! But we were like a coalition government. We had to follow rules. We had to agree to disagree. Unless we were able to do that we would never be able to live together peacefully.

Without consensus we were as good as dead.

Things were spiralling downhill. Until one day Kumbakarna suggested a therapist he knew. For someone who sleeps most of the time he sure knows a lot of people.

I went to meet the therapist. I was surprised at first, but pleasantly, when I discovered the therapist was a woman. And she had a big office. With a couch. Just like in the movies.

After I got comfortable the therapist told me the rules. (She had to make new rules since she had never dealt with a patient with ten heads before. I remembered that my dentist had never dealt with someone like me either. And then he proceeded to pull out the wrong heads teeth. He regretted that since he lost a good customer when I stopped going to him. Whenever I used to go to him or my Eye Doctor they simply cancelled the appointments for the rest of the day.) Anyway Im digressing. So here I am at the therapist's chamber...errr office...

So the therapist said the rules were that only the head she talked to was to reply. No
interruptions.

And she then talked to each head. I could see what she was doing. She was establishing points of commonality. Making us see the common good. United we stand. Divided we fall. I talked and talked. How much I needed this. To get it all off my chest.

I told her everything. I told her about my difficulty with girls. She smiled when I told her about Gita. She made notes as I talked. Then I began to talk about marriage and the disputes between the Heads. Suddenly all heads seemed to go crazy.

They were all talking at once. My hands were out of control. I felt myself reaching for the paper cutter. Head 3 was trying to gouge out Head 8’s eyes! I couldn’t take this anymore. I ran out of the room.

I got into my car. It was a special car. The steering wheel was in the middle. I
wasint allowed to drive over 60. But today I was driving way too fast. All the heads
were fighting. This was the end. But I didn’t care. If we couldn’t get along
we were going to die anyway. The speedometer was clocking 100. Then 120.
Suddenly a truck appeared out of nowhere.

Last thing I remember I hit a tree. Head on.

I woke up in the Hospital. The therapist was there. Kumbakarna was there. He squeezed my hand.
'Are u OK ?' , he asked.
' I followed you all the way’, the therapist said. 'I pulled u out of the
car just in time.'
All of a sudden it struck me. I couldn’t feel Heads 3 and 8.


'We had to disable them ', she said, ' There was no other way'.

' Go away' , I said hopelessly, ' Just go.'

Gita still kisses Heads 3 and 8 every night. She refuses to accept that they are gone. I don’t make as much money in call centers anymore.

Ok Its just a little bit less. But Head 8 was so good with the British. We could have worked things out. They would have come around. Heads 3 and 8. They would have understood. They would have. I m sure. Oh how I miss the sweet sound of 'Bravo'......

hello ravana


just two posts
and you are getting us in splits...!!

ten splits to be sure?
or is it just eight...
OMG just great
the great ravana of the epic
would have loved this
wonderful split write
and how he could have gone
nodding (tens)
to all the difficulties
and pleasantaries you had
wonderful imagination
dil maange moreeeeeeeeeeeeeee


sathya

Hey thnx satya ! I will post more. Now that I know I have an audience !

Originally Posted by sathya

hello ravana


just two posts
and you are getting us in splits...!!

ten splits to be sure?
or is it just eight...
OMG just great
the great ravana of the epic
would have loved this
wonderful split write
and how he could have gone
nodding (tens)
to all the difficulties
and pleasantaries you had
wonderful imagination
dil maange moreeeeeeeeeeeeeee


sathya

Hi ravana,

A nice one to read.. thanks for posting it here... reallly enjoyed it..

regards,
ramyaganesh

Hi,

What a terrific imagination ...humorous and well written too....Please keep writing ..enjoyed your post

Mindi

ohh samy,
that was one hell of a ride and your imagination really took to flight, great man keep it up, i know you are an old wine but indus is new bottle, so lets have more and more here, regards sunkan

Hey Uncannybal,

Welcome to IL.!
That was a flight to the imaginary world! A truly hilarious piece.I absolutely enjoyed reading it!

Regards,
Devika

Dear Uncannybal,

A very hilarious post! As I am also from Bangalore, was just imaginig the Ravana walking on the road. You had us in splits.

Keep more coming !

Hi,

Strange name, but a great blog.HAHA.where did u get this idea from.

You can convert these heads into like heads of Shakti Kapoor, and other such villians and we will have a blast, yr Ishytle.Great one.Loved this.Regards.kamal

Oh my ! What a whacky sense of humor !! And what a name!!
Is that what I am supposed to call you...'uncannybal'??!
Well, you are new to me and this is the first post of yours that I have read. Will check out the others.
You have made it straight to the FP nominations for this month and so soon too...Congrats.
I am still wondering at your flight of imagination..Tenheads!

L, Kamla