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why do we educate our daughters??

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Manabi, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. Manabi

    Manabi New IL'ite

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    Mitali was an average student studying in one of the best schools in Chandrapur. Mitali's father was a clerk in the coal mines at Chandrapur. As she was brought up in a middle class family of a very small town, even her dreams were also middle class. She dreamt about being a housewife of her only male friend who was her father's best friend's son. The daily soaps watched by her Maa made her feel that how easy it is to be a housewife who keeps getting surprises from her husband or can go for shopping anytime she wants or can wear heavy sareers and jewelleries. Mitali had all her plans ready. She somehow wanted to complete her studies and become an idle 'bahu'. As far as studies were concerned she like only 'Hindi' amongst all the subjects. That's because she loved the stories and the poems in it. The poems by 'Nirala' and 'Sudarshan' made her sing and humm even on bad days. And the stories by 'Premchand' and 'Tagore' inspired her deep within her heart. Soon, she herself started doing poetry.
    Mitali's elder brother on the other hand was a brilliant student and a highly aspiring individual. In spite of the poor family conditions, he managed to get through the engineering entrance exams and got admission in the most renowned college in the city. Mitali's brother was in the final year and Mitali was appearing for her 10th exams.
    Mitali's father was always good at studies but could't study much due to financial constraints. But now he wanted both his kids to achieve what he could't. Mitali secured 80% marks in s.s.c. This is where everyone tilted their attention toward her. Mitali's father could see his dream of making both his kids an engineer coming true.Even Mitali was thrilled with the idea that she will be the first girl in her family to be called as an engineer. But her excellent result without studying much gave high hopes to her family. Now they wanted her to opt for medical as well so that if she secured less in the engineering entrance exam, she can become a doctor then.
    Somewhere inside Mitali knew the truth that she is not made to become a doctor or an engineer. But the family and social pressure was so high that her inner feelings were dumped inside. Once again she scored fairly well in her engineering entrance exam. However she was allowed to take only the stream which was available in the college which was in her own city. So she got into electrical engineering. it was difficult for a poet who made the stars connect the hearts of the lovers in her poetry to understand that star connection is actually one of the electrical wiring connection type.
    Mitali longed for those hours of writing poetry a lot. Now her life was full of big engineering books, station and classes. She almost forgot about her love for writing. The new friends in her college were all aspiring engineers. With them she developed her new dreams, dreams to be independent, dreams to work and earn for herself, dream to be someone!!
    Mitali did well in every semester and now it was time to say goodbye to the college life. The final semester exams were done and everyone was ready with a plan of their future. Two of Mitali's friends decided to go to a metropolitan city and search for a job there.And even Mitali was excited to start up her career. So all of them decided to leave Chandrapur and go to the nearest metro city, Pune.
    Mitali came back home that day and could't wait to share her decision with her family. She explained her family that how everything has been planned by her and her two friends to start their career. But to her surprise, her family completely disagreed to her decision of leaving her home town. Her brother clarified that if they wanted her to go out, they would have allowed her right in the beginning when she was getting a good stream in a college away from chandrpchanHe told her that all they wanted was to make her do engineering, not because they wanted her to be independent but because it sounds good if you tell people that both the children in the family are engineers. Moreover if a girl has a professional qualification then she is preferred more by the grooms. Mitali was almost shocked to know that the four years of her hard work was only going to get her a better husband but not a job or a career. Her mother consoled her saying that she can work after marriage if she wants and if her husband and in laws allow her to do so.
    Mitali's friends left for pune and started their career with reputed companies. Several boys came to see Mitali for marriage. And every time she had to come, sit and answer their questions as if it was a sale. Mitali was not very pretty, so had to face a lot of rejections. But finally one of the boy's family said 'yes'. This was almost like an achievement for her family. Mitali too was not unhappy with this however she still had this question poking her all the time that will she be able to work after marriage. Just before the day when the grooms family wanted to come for the final talks, Mitali hesitantly asked her mother if she can confirm with the groom's family about her decision to work after marriage. On this her mother asked her to keep shut till everything was done. Her mother explained her how difficult it is to get an engineer groom who is not demanding any dowry. So Mitali should accept this marriage without making any fuss.
    Once again Mitali kept quite and thought that if her would be husband has selected her on the basis of her education and not looks then surely he is looking for a career oriented girl. The wedding was commence extremely well. The grooms family was really happy with the hospitality of Mitali's family. Mitali and her husband started knowing each other slowly. Months passed and now Mitali was waiting for the right moment when she could tell her husband about her dreams. And one day she gathered all her guts and told her husband about her wish to work and utilize her degree just like her friends are doing. Mitali's husband did not get her point. He said that she does't have to earn as he was earning enough to satisfy his family's needs. Mitali wanted to know that why he has married a professionally qualified girl if he 't't want her to work. The answer was again shocking. Mitali's husband had married her as it was a status symbol to have an engineer wife. Mitali's dream were shattered all over again. She had a degree, which she could't use at all. She had a talent which was destroyed as the society does't respect a poet as much as they respected an engineer. She was expected to just cook and take care of her family as any other women in our society is expected to do.
    Mitali is not the only one. In India, after a lot of efforts we have now achieved to get the right to education for our girls. However almost 80% of these girls are not even allowed to use their qualifications as a medium toward their independence. Is'nt't this old and sad attitude of not letting the girls take their own decisions even after giving them education or using their qualification only as a source to get a good groom or making it just a status symbol, leading us to a more frustrated society???? Just think about it!!!
     
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  2. Aria

    Aria New IL'ite

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    Now that I thought very hard about it

    Is there any reason why Mitali could not apply for Bachelor of Arts, fill the forms, gain admission and tell in her house that she is pursuing her passion?

    Is there any reason why Mitali did not apply for a job, attend interview, selected and tell at her place that she is placed in Infy and starting work next month?

    Okay - gotcha! I've a whacked bump on my head, I'm being very unrealistic here.

    But taking this as a case study, why is it that some girls cross it whereas some blame it?

    Last year my friend and I were talking about one of our childhood mates whom my friend reacquainted in FB. Now in US and studying Medicine, she belonged to a very orthodox family. Her father did not want to sponsor her post-graduate studies and refused to pay her tuition fees. In the next community meeting they assembled, she stood up, walked to the dais and requested for any benevolent philanthropists to sponsor her studies. Few collected some amount, with which she brought some forms, she contacted her seniors who lend her money, traveled, gained scholarship and now through studies, married, kids. I had goosebumps listening to this, you mean she really did this, moreover she was not very bright, studious or even accomplished as most would deem concomitant of fiestiness.


    We think education teaches us Maths, Physics, Geography, Arts but no it teaches us something more primitive in understanding of the universe around us. It teaches us to believe in self to believe in what we want to do and GO FOR IT! I don't want every Mitali to defy as my friend but every Mithili could be my friend, if she only chooses to be. There are many women like sdiva, sgbv, nuss and others who've pursued their dreams albeit may be less resistance from family. But I don't know how much can we blame society for the woes of hardship of a woman's life. We either stand up or suck up there is no middle ground to cry foul each time we are heard less, consulted hardly and never understood.

    Is there something we can contribute to resist? Is there something we can do to change? I don't know, but if others are doing it then may be there is somewhere we can definitely look at and scale our chances for this change.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Can't just blame society.Mitali,The Engineer allowed her life to depend on others.She chose a husband over a job.Chose to be the obedient daughter than an independent woman.An educated woman acting like an illiterate helpless woman in front of her equally qualified husband . If an educated ,professional can't even take a stand in front of her own family then she has herself to blame.
     
  4. Kera

    Kera Gold IL'ite

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    Good write up! Story of many desi girls. Life revolves around marriage & shocking truth of life is like a big slap in the face. Reminds me of myself but luckly things worked out differently for me. Lot of it was luck

    My parents stopped me from getting my post graduate degree because that will limit my option of groom. They were the reason I couldn't go out of town to get a job. BUt as luck has it, I found a great job close to home & the experience put me in better position than PhD holders. Life has its way of working itself out
     
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  5. TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    Somehow the story doesn't sound very realistic to me and is inconsistent in depicting human expectations and behaviours.
    But, yes, if you say that the story dates back to the 1980s, I can understand how difficult it would have been for women to break new ground and come on their own then. Hardly so in the present world, given that the parents themselves encouraged the girl to study Engineering. All that the girl had to do was to take the next step forward on her own. What stopped her is not clear. Like women in the forum who go the extra mile to please the PILs to get that best DIL plaque, i think the heroine of the story wanted to be the 'obedient daughter' instead of being true to her self.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is surprising to know that Mitali was not aware about her own family's decision, expectation and conditions towards her future till she was ordered to stay at home. How come one can be so naive despite of being an adult, educated and qualified engineer?

    Mitali is to be blamed for not being able to understand what her family expects, and what she wants and then the gap between hers and her family's expectations. I mean she must have given a thought about doing a gap analysis when needed.

    If so, she could have used her education and the little experience to build a bridge to fill the gaps somehow. If not for this, for what purpose she spent her whole 4 years in the college. I assume, she did not count the stars and dream a Hindi movie to see a sudden change in her family dynamics the moment she graduates.

    instead of complaining, I strongly suggest women to work hard towards getting their targets achieved.
     
  7. rathiprasad

    rathiprasad Silver IL'ite

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    Mithalis normally behave according to societies dictum. Growing up in conservative families where decision-making tends to center on a higher power base. It can be challenging to get rid of immediate influences when one wants to make a decision for oneself. There is no cookie-cutter solution for this. It all depends on the person and if she wants to oblige society, her parents or herself. In this case she feels more comfortable obliging society and parents instead of oneself.

    If Mithali was in an environment from childhood where the norm was for women to work after marriage or there was implicit support to do so, then wither all the internal conflict in wanting to work but not being able to do so. That being said, Mithali did benefit from her education as she has realized the potentials of her capabilities which can encourage her to ensure her daughters have a career. Some things don’t happen overnight.
     
  8. happysappy

    happysappy Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Whether we like it or not, but unfortunately, In India there are families (even educated ones) where daughters are not treated equally. The way a girl is bought up has a deeper impact on her even in spite of her education.
    It is definitely important for women in such scenario to gather courage & inspiration from other women who have overcome their challenges and excelled in their field.
    It is definitely the time to stand for oneself and stop blaming the society . The only person who can help you is "you".
     
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  9. Manabi

    Manabi New IL'ite

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    Thanks for all your valuable comments friends. The story was totally fiction. In real life Mitali did go to pune against her parent's wish and started up a career :). However I can see all of you blaming only Mitali. Just like a rape victim is blamed for her own rape. The whole point was to change our society which still is the same in most of the parts of our country. Still there are parents and in laws who think that a girl's place is at home. Why does Mitali has to be a rebellion to persuade her dreams? why can't her parents or in laws rejoice her success with her?
     
  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It will be perfect if her parents, in laws and everyone around her understand the women's rights, and implement it. However, it takes a long long way to reach there. While trying to change the society, woman like Milali must take a rebellious step to prove the world that they can be fine... perfectly fine if they are given the freedom and opportunity like men.

    If women are not fighting, who else will fight for our rights?

    If we are okay to the social conditions, then how can we expect a change. Change should come within you.
     
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