Reserved For Life

Recently, I read about Dads having their own special chairs at home… That set me thinking… Come to think of it, they do… I can remember certain chairs being named Thatha’s chair ( Grandfather’s chair) or Appa’s (Dad’s ) chair… And nobody ever occupying it.

My grandfather had this huge antique chair that seemed straight out of Victorian times ( may be it was... it was made during the British Raj) with heavily padded seats and wings, and legs that curved out- like those of a lion’s. This was placed before his famous Roll-Top writing desk…for him to majestically occupy while he managed his paperwork or browsed through his treasures...

He also had a permanent seat at the dining table. Though not at the centre, he was the centre of attention, for the rest of us were like planets and satellites orbiting him… All serving started with him…and we’d wait impatiently for our turn… Even on festival days, there were specific seats for the family members. Our dining room in the ancestral home was long and rectangular in shape and plantain leaves would be placed on the floor from one end . Here again, Thatha had a specific place. Next to him would be my Dad, and then my Chithappa ( paternal uncle) and any other visiting relatives. Then came my elder brothers. We, the small fry were invariably seated opposite to the gents where the senior ladies had their allocated space.

This hierarchical seating is something very common in our households, I believe. After marriage, I found that my FIL ( Appa) had this place at the head of the table that was taboo for others. I don’t think he’d have said, ‘that’s my seat you are in’, but it is taken for granted that no one will dare to occupy his place.

The seating at our dining table in Bhadravathi is rather fixed. Appa occupies one end of the 6 seater. To his left is Amma’s place. Next to her is Appa’s sister’s place. If one analyzes the arrangement, Amma’s place is such that she can pass dishes to the others. The problem is, she gets preoccupied with passing the dishes and doesn’t really enjoy a meal. When I visit, I get to sit to Appa’s right, a place I have to cede to my husband if he’s there… to one of my twins, if they are there… in which case, I sit at the far end, opposite to Appa. So my planetary position is like the Navagrahas… occupying various spaces as and when situation demands. In fact, for breakfast, I may occupy Amma’s or Athai’s place.

Talking about breakfast, Athai ( paternal aunt) has this habit of sitting against the wall in one corner of the kitchen for her breakfast, especially if it is dosas. Amma or I would serve her dosas straight from the griddle. I have seen my own grandma and ‘buajis’ ( dad’s buajis in fact) sitting in particular nooks and corners of the kitchen for their meals. And each one of us had our own plates. Grandfather had this huge silver plate, my father had his heavy steel one… we all had our own plates decreasing in size in accordance with our age. Even when eating on plantain leaves, bigger blemishless leaves would be spread for the elders, we used to get half a leaf… no wonder we were messy eaters…. There was hardly space in that half piece of plantain leaf for all those acrobatics of traditional eating.

Back home, things have changed. Except on special occasions, there is no longer the conventional ‘eating together’. The dining table has become a redundant piece of furniture. Of course, Dad has his breakfast and lunch at it, but hardly anyone bothers to have dinner at the dining table. It has become customary to pile the food onto a plate and sit in front of the TV. But in Bhadravathi, my sasuraal, the old traditions are still carried out. No TV during meals. All the members will eat all meals together….of course, there are exceptions here and there…

It is just not the dining room that has reserved seats. In the living room, there is a sofa that is Appa’s. No one uses it generally. Sometimes my twins or I show the audacity of occupying it, but the moment Appa enters the living room, we’d vacate it, out of respect for him, though he’d say, ‘It’s okay’. I have this great picture of one of my twins sitting on that chair his hands resting on the arms of the sofa, fingers interlaced, just like his grandfather… A picture that reinforces theories of DNA and family traits!
My Dad also has his chair placed strategically to give him enough light to read the three newspapers and watch TV. Only he has a foot stool, which, if moved by even a tenth of an inch, he’ll come to know. So, even the maids are instructed about the latitudes and longitudes of the positioning of his chair and footstool so that cleaning operations will not upset that particular apple cart.

Here in my own home, RP and BIL sit opposite to each other at the dining table so that they can yak about what’s happening in their respective offices while they eat. I prefer to carry my plate to the sofa where I get more elbow space. I am used to the buffet style of eating now a days… and any formal seating makes me nervous. There is no fixed place for me…

My grandma used to sit on a wooden push back armchair and write ‘sreeramajayam’ in a big ledger. She used to look so majestic, so regal while doing that… All those pieces of furniture have been sold… now wrought iron and ‘brightly shaded matching the carpet’ furniture have taken their place.

Appa keeps saying ‘a place for everything and everything in its place.’ I am sure that is why he will not occupy any other place in the living or dining room. Any way, we won’t have it any different either. Certain things are reserved for life…

They are a part of our culture, our values and our valuable heritage.

Dear TM,
This was a wonderful piece from you! Place reserved..hmm.. it does happen..with elders at home.At my parents house.. there are no reserved places..for my dad, mom ...but there was indeed a reserved place for my late grandpa..who will sit in his easy chair only n no one is supposed to even disturb his angavastram(towel).He had a big round steel plate which no one shud touch!! he will wash it by himself only.At my inlaws place, my FIL is kinda authoritative when it comes to places..he demands a place in sofa where in only he will get enough air from fan while he writes or watches TV etc.. and others will sweat....yuk.. i hate his attitude /selfishness... so i kinda avoided sitting in sofa at all till the time i lived with my in laws...

Dear twins mom,
i enjoyed yur post and your narration is very good.
Charm of Eating toghether is no more or a custom followed, except in few families who stick to tradition or who atleast try to follow on occassions.
In some families this is followed during get together on a deepavali day or pongal or avaniavittam or birthdays and anniversaries of amember of the family. my inlaws family is one such. during these days they sit on the floor not on the dining table which they are used to on normal days, and food served in plantain leaf. But gents first and ladies are not allowed to sit along with FIL, BILs. only children and sisters sometimes can sit with them and not DIL. ladies of the family have to serve them and only after they finish they can sit. I do not comment on this. But the attitude of elder women who guide the younger ladies on serving. "please serve vegetables more for gents even if we ladies do not have anthing it is ok, rice will do...they go out and work hard through out the day we are only at home so they have to eat lot of vegetables." Literally on most ocassions we ladies will not have even a small piece or one or two pieces of vegies left out to be shared among us. They say men are goin out..then what about working women n the group? what about the home makers of te house who get up early in the morning to prepare the feast? are these people not eligible to take vegetables?

Now we have been talking and explaining my MIL that we women also must take lot of vegetables and nutritious food and we have made it too. Yes we make our MIL to sit along with FIL and ladies who have health problems too. Rules are relaxed oflate.

But on the normal days except MIL and FIL (but they also watch TV while eating on a dining table with remote in one hand of course on the left hand) all youngsters follow only 'kaiyendibavan' and mostly in front of the Idiot Box.

geeth

Hi twinsmom,

enjoyed your post....remembered both my thathas easy chairs.....real antique pieces now...must ask mom what happenned to them...we too try to follow no tv during dinner and i have a specific place at the table ..anywhere else i feel uncomfortable...

Mindi

Hi Verbose,


I too have my chair for tea outside in the lawns, and in the drawing room, also i hjave my spot where i sit.Next to it is the side table where my vices are kept.So somehow one gets used to a particular place, where one feels comfortable.

Same is the case with the bathroom.We are 3 and we have 3 bathrooms and each to their own.HAHA.So my backside is comfortable on my pot, where as they say " When the Shit cometh down, the thoughts Commeth in ".I get the best blogs ideas on my pot.

Regards.kamal

Dear Aishu,

Some how, I don't feel offended by my FIL ( appa) occupying a specific place. It is not because he can watch TV better or be under the fan... i just view it as a tradition. He has never insisted on such seats when he has visited us here in Sharjah. It is difficult for us to envisage anyone else in his place... habit, I guess!

Geet dear,

I can see that traditional household... But I think times are changing now. My mother has settled for curd rice so many dyas of her early married life that she ensured that her daughters in law always ahd enough of veggies and other side dishes when the ladies sat to eat. Gone are the days of discrimination... or are they???

Hi Mindi,

Do find out. Such pieces of furniture are rare and very expensive these days. All it would take is a bit of care to have an antique in our possession!

Kamalji,

Just imagine! Sitting on your throne and pondering like Rodin's Thinker.... or waxing eloquent spouting 'I am the king of all I survey!' What if you get an exciting topic for blog.... Will you run out yelling Eureka???

By the way, the way you get fantastic topics and so many of them.... I can guess how long you spend in your.....!!!!!

Originally Posted by twinsmom

Kamalji,

Just imagine! Sitting on your throne and pondering like Rodin's Thinker.... or waxing eloquent spouting 'I am the king of all I survey!' What if you get an exciting topic for blog.... Will you run out yelling Eureka???

By the way, the way you get fantastic topics and so many of them.... I can guess how long you spend in your.....!!!!!

Dear Verbose,

Just 10 mins i spend on the pot,2 mins for the real job, and 8 mins reading the newspapers and smoking a ciggieAnd i have a pad and pen on the window sill and when i get the idea, just jot it down just the main points.So no Eureka for me.HAHA.Regards.kamal