My old Age

Kamalji · Apr 27, 2008

My Old Age

I read a wonderful story ,which brought these thoughts on.

Today I am 55, and Harsha my wife is 54.I don’t know if we are old, but we certainly are middleaged for sure.Elder daughter got married two years ago, and the younger one Pushpa is giving her final exams for her graduation.She is 21.

Another few years down the line she will get married and gone.We have braced ourselves for that.She is the joy of the house,and since she is busy with studies and dosnt get time to read the papers these days, at night she will ask me all the news of the day, and I tell her the juicy stories, of the cheerleaders, the LIC snake one,Bhajji slapping Seesnath, and it is heaven to see her laugh her joyous smile.You all read Kamalji, and she hears Kamalji.

After she is married and gone, who will listen to my stories ? You all are there, of course who will help me keep sanity,by yr comments and encouragement,but who knows eyes may get tired a few years down the line, and I cant sit at the PC as long as I sit now .I feel the hardest hours to kill are the 10 to 8pm, while the night flies with a few pegs of whiskey, the TV, and a nice sleep.

Sometime back I was having tea,and we were reading a news paper each.Suddenly I asked her “ Listen Harsha, suppose I were to die before you,what would u do ? I have made out the will ,in your favour.If us wish to remarry,after I am no more, please carry on, you have my blessings.She was shocked to say the least, as these deathly thoughts are not for the early morning.I said, this is a fact of life Harsha, either u go first, or I go first, or we go together in an accident.There is no 4<SUP>th</SUP> way about it.

Suppose I was to go first, and if u met a partner and u wished to marry him,you would not know whether Kamal would have liked it or not.That is why, when I am here ,I tell you that you can marry, without worrying about me.She said what about u.I said I wont marry ever.Once is enough.Even if u give me the permission I wont ever marry.

And I told her,she can stay in this house, or she can shift to a flat in m umbai after selling this Bunglow, not to worry, the choice is hers.We both have built this bunglow brick by brick, the first bunglow in many many generations of our family.But all good things have to come to an end, including our lives.

And I told her, after I am gone, no pandits, and all the rituals.My ashes are not to be taken to Haridwar or Anywhere .Just put them in the Worli Sea Face, where my dad and grandmom’s were put, with all family members including children putting me to sea on a bedsheet.

When my grandmother died at a ripe age of 85 plus in 1995, This is what Dad decided to do.We all from the family, nephews nieces, all , went with the pandit to the Worli Sea Face, on the rocks, overturned the Urn on a white bedsheet,and let the bedsheet sail in the Sea.The next year Dad expired and he too wished the same, and we did the same.He used to say, When u all walk down the Seaface, you will always look at the Sea and remember I am here close to you.

The same I told my wife, Haridwar and these places the Pindas and the priests are horrible, I have been there and they literally swindle you and hold u to ransom.I would not like to trouble anyone with my ashes, and just a simple half an hour saying good bye by all the family members at the Seaface would be a good sendoff.

I am more worried about her than myself.I can get by.I hav e loads of friends, I have varied interests,and I can joyfully carry on.Its about Harsha I think a lot sometimes.I wouldn’t want to trouble my daughters and their families to take care of her.Everyone has their own lives tolive.

That is one reason I am at times a bit stingy.I want to have sufficient funds for both of us in our old age,for meeting unexpected contingencies like sickness, and other comforts which we must have. We would never like to have our palms outstretched ,God forbid.And yes the lord has been kind to us.

And u guys and gals , don’t u worry, I wont come back and spook u with my blogs.Once gone always gone.So if u ever don’t see me for a month or more here, then just think Kamalji is no more, and pay condolences by reading at least one blog of mine and commenting, that will soothe my soul, if troubled.I have never seen anyone go and come back one last time in a dream or something to say Goodbye once again.And I wont too.

KAMAL MAHTANI

Devika Menon · Apr 27, 2008

Dear Kamalji,

This was least expected from you.I mean you are the flamboyant self , full of life and cheering the million reasons to be happy in life. Why and when did this transformation take place.?? I hope this is a temporary stand since we all need the former Kamalji.
Now coming to your post, yes this thought crosses everyones mind. When you live with somebody for so long you cease to be the other person infact you become an essential part of each other. I can understand your anxiety, but then this is life and its nice to know you have everything planned in existence and otherwise.
I am appalled to say the least to see this very fragile side to you but I am also glad that it is there, for it takes a lot of courage to openly admit your insecurities and fear. But dont worry Kamalji , you shall be here for a very long time and keep enthralling us with your anecdotes and thats what I shall pray for you and Harshaji !

Regards,
Devika

Varloo · Apr 27, 2008

Oh Kamalji,
why such off mood on a Sunday? I felt sad when I read your post. Yes, I always think about how life would be when I get old. I too do not want to burden my son and would understand perfectly if I had to stay in a home then.
As such, my hubby is completely dependent on me and son for even small chores, his temper tantrums etc. If I were to die before him, what will he do ? I do not think our son would be very friendly with my hubby ( hubby is mostly spitting venom on son for not scoring high marks and telling him that he will not come up in life on daily basis). Then he will have to live in the Hell in the earth itself.
My case is different, I can adjust to any situations and I expect the unexpected always and will not get bitter even if son is to abandon me. I have asked my hubby to provide me finance so that I need not depend on my son.
So, who knows what will happen tomorrow? But do not get so dejected and say good bye and all that- aise nahim kehethe.
And because we do not know when our end will come, we are living peacefully, don't you think?

Cheeniya · Apr 27, 2008

Dear Kamal
I do not know about the conventions in the North but in South, we strictly follow the rule that we neither contemplate our end nor talk about it if elders are around. Nothing grieves a person more than hearing someone far below his/her age talking about death. I am 65 and my mum who is 94 lives with me. Whenever I am down even with some ordinary fever, I know the nightmares she goes through. Among Hindus, of all the calamities, the worst is considered to be our children predeceasing us. A parent's prayer is always first for the welfare and long life of the children.

I am 10 years elder to you. You should quit talking about death when people like us are around. Dying is a part of living but we desist talking about it. Planning for it from the point of view of the welfare of the loved ones that we may leave behind is one thing. That is part of our duty but while doing it, we just do not talk about it in explicit terms. It can be hurting for someone who may be ahead of you in the line! Whenever we talk of our end out of some temperory frustration, my mum would say that she takes it as a veiled reminder that it is time for her to go.

Whenever my mind wanders to my end, I always remember such lovely things about death as people like Khalil Gibran have said. Listen to him now:

" [SIZE=-1]For what is it to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the Earth has claimed our limbs, then we shall truly dance."[/SIZE]

Enthral us with your lively reviews of news around you. Let Harsha feel that you are immortal. Death, when it is destined to come will come. We just cant stop it but there is so much to enjoy before we say adieu.

Sri

mithila kannan · Apr 27, 2008

Dear dear Kamalji,
What will happen to people like me who have not even seen you but have started considering you as a dear family friend who will be there for us making us feel cheerful and in love with life,if you talk like this.
My husband is only 71 and I am only 62.We are full of life and are cheerful and when I do feel depressed I watch some stupid TV serial and am back to my normal self again.My husband keeps himself active.
Yes ,the journey that has started has to end sometime or other and the life partners who have become one,unfortunately can not end their journey together.So we have to plan for the future.We too have two wonderful daughters married and settled well and lovely grandchildren.In future if either of us has to continue the life's journey alone,we will be taken care of by our daughters.
My MIL is staying with us.She is 88 and she is taking good care of her health,no over eating.She reads Tamil newspaper everyday,watches some serials.Day by day her interests in these things are reducingbut she is a never say die person.
I think every one of us should have only positive thoughts and carry positive waves with us.
I think one of your grandsons should become a great player like Sachin Tendulkar and when he goes for his morning jogging you should accompany him and at that time you should think of me.
Have a nice day,all the best to you and your wife Mrs.Harsha.
mithila kannan

Arunarc · Apr 27, 2008

Dear Kamalji
What has happened to you Kamlji today. You are a person who make people laugh and here with this post you are making us feel sad. God will not take you away so fast from all of us, You have to complete your century in life.
Are you really old????????????
Kamalji what age has to do you are still very very young by heart. You make the whole world laugh.......so is your wonderful daughter.....We only get to read the juicy news but so lucky she is to have you as her dad.......who narrates all the juicy news.
Let God Bless you both to complete your century...........and you always appear, and will alway remain in our heart Kamalji...........We all know death is one of the truth of life. But why talk about it so soon.

Chitvish · Apr 27, 2008

Hello Kamalji,
I wonder what made you write such a post!
I am a senior citizen and my husband is much elder to me. But we never discuss death, after death etc. We have decided to face it, when it comes, gracefully. Having lived upto this age, we must be prepared for a graceful exit when the time arrives for our departure.
Both our children live locally; but we have never discussed what one will do, with whom the other will stay etc. It is very likely, things may not work out the way, we plan, since it involves all members of the family. Suppose we plan in detail, how are we ever going to know whether the plans fructify at all? Then why plan imaginatively?
I have never discussed with my children about how my obsequies should be performed etc. Let them do whatever suits them! Once we are not around, why should we continue to harass them with the “legacy of our instructions” ? It is meaningless !!
I just pray to god that as every day passes , I must have implicit faith in
Thy will be done.
Regards,
Chithra.

Mindian · Apr 27, 2008

Dear kamalji,

I too am asking u like the others...what has happenned to u today...sunday morning blues...No it doesnt suit u to talk like that..I have known u only for a little time but l wud always like to think of u as a real jovial person enjoying himself with a whisky in hand and watching birds ...not always of the feathered variety. haha....felt sad to read your post because .nowadays with my daughter in a hostel I miss her so much .... like u say her laughter. mainly.....Anyway look forward to having grandchildren....after all shouldnt they also have the priviledge of sitting on grandpas knee and hearing his wonderful stories...So please immediately come up with a witty post....

Mindi

Ushakrishnan64 · Apr 27, 2008

Dear Kamalji,
I enjoyed reading your writeup about your wedding, bell bottom, the drink served with straw..But to-day's mail made me sad...If this is the plight of an IL family member, can you justify your action to HarshaRant
As Cheeniya Sir & Chitvish point out, we cannot escape the inevitable. But please do not get depressed or make others sad with such writings!
I have a German friend (67 years old). He always pulls my leg saying his mental age is much lesser than mine..Thats the spirit...
Now, as a punishment for making us sad, I want to read a nice blog from you full of cheer and fun. If not, you have to do 100 sit-ups(hahaha)

Best regards
USHA

shantisubra · Apr 27, 2008

Dear Kamalji

Your message shows that your mind is disturbed. Not to worry. At your age, atleast you have already married of a daughter and another one ready in about two years time.

There are couples older than you and Mrs. Harshaji who have unsettled sons and daughters with no much saving and with worries of how they get their daughters marry off and sons complete their education, middle and old age health problems, elderly parents to take care off etc. etc.

With God's grace, you are much more blessed than many. You know my uncle is about 80 years old and his wife about 72 years. They had two sons. The younger one passed away about 5 years before who had a terrible life of blindness, dumb and handicap. The parents and the elder son spent their life taking care of this boy and the elder didnt get marry. But 5 years after his death, the elder one still not getting any alliance as he is between 45~50 years of age. The mother has already gone through two knee operation. How much suffering the family has undergone............. my God.............. no one in this world should suffer like them. Though they have no problem for money still many good things never happen in the family. My uncle and aunt are orthodox, God fearing and are harmless to anyone.

So you are riding high. Pls. dont worry. What has to happen will happen and it will happen only for good as per Bhagwad Gita.

Your above thoughts have started butterflies tapping within myself now itself. What is going to happen to me and my hus.....................?

Just enjoy your life. Enjoy your present and every moment.arty It is party time. It is a gift..

With Warm Regards
Shanti
27-4-08