LOVE is ........

Having reminisced recently about Archie of my girlhood days , I lingered in that segment of my past a bit longer to mine other incidental memories . Of other collections : Greeting cards , old coins , scented vinyl erasers , fancy hairclips .
And pocket books.


One cherished possession was a squat little book with laminated cover. A compendium of the ( then) popular comic strip , " Love is......" by Kim Casali . It featured two lovable characters , a freckled boy and a long haired girl, drawn in the minimalist style. Each page contained one profound statement about, what else, Love.


Love is........being able to say you are sorry
Love is........sharing the last lick of the icecream
Love is.........a game with all winners
Love is.........your gift to each other
Love is.........living in the Present


And so on .


All very cutesie -cutesie, very apt for autograph books and gift tags. It was not just about romantic love. It encompassed LOVE in all its avatars.

Now upon recall, the comic strip duo assumed the character of Realised Seers. Their "Love is..." aphorisms seemed like homeopathic- pill versions of vedantha. Buried somewhere within all that syrupy mush were hard little gems of Truth . About ourselves . About Love .


For three whole days I kept thinking of the two characters.
And of Love. The many splendoured , much used, more abused , little honoured, less understood LOVE.


The everloving comicbook couple made life look so easy and beautiful. All you had to do was Love . And life would be a symphony.
Simplicity !


From that launching pad, one just had to lean towards eastern mysticism to land on the ultimate bullseye " Anbe Sivam "
Love is.......Sivam ......is brahman.


Love is.......enough. Need nothing else . There IS nothing else.


Isnt that what everyone , from the 1st. Century Reformist Philosopher to the corner house maami , is heard professing ?
Just LOVE ! - In noun form, verb form and idiomatic form ; and, keeping with the times, in emoticon form too - Just a spoonful of LOVE to keep the world waltzing to symphonies !


It was a momentous dawning. The cheerful holiday mood of Good Friday swelled, without any difficulty at all, into an expansive spirit of overflowing, universal LOVE.


Even steel cylinders burst if overloaded. A leatherbag like me cant hope to be tougher. Venting became imperative.


Singing "I Love You " to the usual suspects would've done no justice to the exhilaration of the moment . I felt I had to flow beyond the selfish confines of close relatives towards those whom I have known, but now neglected and forgotten.........can I not bring a little cheer to such a soul with a simple phone call, a little loving small-talk, an empatheic ear, just an earnest 'how are you......'


I perused my old phonebook and made a shortlist of four names , the day's quota of donees-to-be of my freshly excavated philanthropy. All seniorcitizens.


Mrs.L , widow of a third cousin , who somehow disappeared from our radar after the gentleman passed away five or six years ago.


Sri.B , from the outermost of the 7 orbital rings of kinship ,who has never been in convivial touch with any of us because of a historic cat fight among the females of a distant common ancestor's family.


Smt. and Sri. G, who are my husband's.........well, the Indlish label " Far Relations " will suffice.


Kum. S, spinster and general purpose Aunt of some description ,on my mother's side , who appeared like a genie to help in any fix that required an extra hand , but became invisible rest of the time.


Blood ties with all above are routinely acknowledged with nods and small talk during clan weddings and documented in group photos. Not a whisper beyond that. Shame.


Brimming with enthusiam and uncontainable Love, i dialled the first name,Mrs.L.


" Hullo - who?-oh manjula-how-nice!-look-if-this-is-about-LKGAdmission-sorry-school-does-not-entertain-recommendation/donations-am-busy-will-call-evening-no-offense-ok-bye-click." And she's only in Accounts department.


Alright, Sri B then.


A 76 year old man with a recent angioplasty could hardly be busy with anything except wallowing in selfpity that no one has the time for him . 'Here I come with all the TLC you will ever need, Sri B !'
Six long rings later, he picked up the phone : " Hullo, who is that ? Who ? I see, from where? What...WHAT happened ? ! WHO..."
Dousing his alarm with the reassurance that no one had died, I endeavoured to make him feel comfortable and loved with a string of kind enquiries .
I have no idea if angioplasty affects vocal chords, but, after that initial paroxysm, his voice settled into a rhythm of low, uniform mechanical hiccups and grunts : " yes-yes , no-no , right-right, uh-uh , mm-mm. " which made the background noise all the more audible : High pitched , hysterical dialogues, sobbing and wailing violins of a primetime TV serial about some dysfunctional family in which Sri B was avidly immersed . When , to my query if his NRI daughter was visiting this year, he responded with a " right-right" I concluded my largess was.......not loved.


Check. Proceed.


The phone rang only twice before Smt.G picked it up. The poor dear must be so lonely !
" Hullo ? Who's calling ? "
" Its me, Manjula ....yes, you are right, the same ! ...how are you ! Long time no see or hear ! "
" How nice to hear from you, Manjula ! "
Filled with a glow of self satisfaction, I launched wholeheartedly into pouring great measures of Kindness and Love into the phone .
.....Just thought of calling her.... ..how was she keeping ? Hoped she was in good health...how was her son, and his family , in Australia ?......Were the grandkids skyping her regularly ?.... When did she last visit them ? .....Heard she had her kneecap replaced , hoped her movement had improved...did she have regular domestic help and reliable food delivery ? .......whom was she voting for this time ? ...wouldnt a meet up for some chai -pani sometime be wonderful !...


Silence at the other end. Clearly she was overwhelmed .


Love does that to people, they say. Love melts hearts. Love ties tongues. Love chokes throats. Love mists up eyes.......


When , after a longish interval, the line came alive with her voice, it was not to give me updates on family news, but to clear the throat delicately.
" so, Manjula, " Said the dear lady, "is this about selling me any Insurance policy ? "


I discarded my list , picked up my I-pad and googled Kim Casali.


Love is................Feeling Love and shutting up ?

 

Dear Jayasala,


That was a nice summing up of the view from the other side. Its always good to know different aspects, perspectives of a situation. Enriches understanding.


It is difficult to counter virakthi with assurances of love and caring. If bitterness is all that remains after a lifetime of experiences, I dont want to get older !


In my understanding, middle class seniors these days are much less dependent on the younger gen. for anything . Because they have foreseen their future and planned their lives that way. They have educated their children with the goal of settling them in well paying jobs in faraway places , whether within country or in foreign lands. They have invested wisely and saved for their own retirement. They have equipped themselves for a life of non dependance , teaching themselves all the skills necessary for it. They have their own pastimes to keep busy and their own friends circle with whom they are more comfortable. A father, all his life busy building for a future, who had never really shared quality time with his son, is not likely to feel much if the son is also on " hi dad, bye Dad " terms later.


I too know many seniors who are happy to be left alone and voluntarily suggest that the married sons set up independent households. They themselves had nuclear families and wish to maintain their own independence. Which i think is a fine arrangement in these changed times. Not that all love is dead . The friendship and kinship is still there. Only, its not demonstrated with shivaji ganesan songs.


Even in olden days, when seniors took up the prescribed Vansprastham, they were independent of the younger gen.


Thank you , Jayasala

 

Dear Srama,


Lets put it this way. I dint just Need to hear from you, but Willed you to speak to me !
Its always interesting to read your rejoinders. They are quite literally, a breath of fresh air, because you never forget to bring your beloved trees with you whenever you visit !


Your tears will not go in vain . I hear your plants ,thro telepathy , that they are just waiting for the first sign of good weather to shower you with their love.


I quite agree with that " let them be" philosophy. Love is.....to set them free with the assurance that you are always just there within reach,for them.


Actually I did call the last name on the list( on landline) and had a pleasant enough chat with her for a few minutes before another call ( on her mobile) claimed her ! BTW, she did ask why i had thought of calling her out of the blue . If she suspected i had some hidden agenda, mercifully, she dint express it.


You couldnt have put it better, Srama. It is certainly audacious to assume that the other party would be ready to recieve whenever and whatever we are ready to give.


Thank you, Srama.

 

Dear Cheeniya,


Vivekam and virakthi make a strange couple. How can a viveki still harbour regrets and bitterness ? Virakthi is only one of the reactions to life experiences which we are absolutely free not to choose. A "viveki " is expected to have such discretion to merit that name.


The reaction you narrate in the opening scenario of your post is not age specific.
Senior, Junior, Midlife, everyone is suspicious of calls from unexpected quarters. Suspicion that some favour is expected , that there are hidden Strings and Axes . Such are the Times that people find it hard to believe that anything can be unconditional .( Recall here, the mad ad. of a child escaping his mother's loving embrace because he suspects she is out to steal his candy.....the unkind cut is that she is actually scheming just that ! )




Love is just to leave them alone!


This same sentiment has been shared by Jayasala also. Which leaves me wondering . If this is the predominent mindset , why does the older gen. keep going to the Courts of Gopinath, Visu , Solomon Pappiah et al, and badmouthing their own progeny to the entertainment of the wholeworld, when the younger ones do exactly what the Seniors want : i.e. leave them alone ?


When we encounter exemplary and humane behaviour in young people, we spontaneously remark : " a well brought up person " and the parents , justifiably, take full credit. By the same token, callous behaviour should indicate deficiency in upbringing . Some self examination , is prescribed for the " aggrieved" party.
( for supplement, please go through my response to Jayasala .)


I do not think my reaction would be any better than what you have encountered!


Awwww ! I was planning to surprise you with a call on my next visit to Chennai and you drop this confessional bomb !.......Now I am Chicken !


Thank you, Cheeniya.

 

Dear Satchi


In the "Heart going out" department , i claim two marks more than you ,for my heart went out to you not once but thrice :


Firstly, for having suffered such sorrowful deprivation during childhood. What !No Comics ! Tch tch.


Secondly, for continuing to bear the brunt of information overload from all inhouse BBCservices.( I was not allowed to get a word in sideways, let alone disagree. So my love of that tribe was not allowed to flourish as I would have liked it to.......in spite of shedding buckets of tears over your fate , cant help ROTFL. )


Thirdly, for facing the danger of becoming invisible in the eyes of the younger generation. Oh guardian angels, May such a tragedy never come to pass !


yes, it just wouldnt do to be gullible and yes,too, its a no win- no win situation. Whoever thought a simple thing like Love could be so fraught with befuddlement !


Thank you, Satchi.