Lost and Found

Lost and Found
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Seeing the elections these days, and the speeches of the canditates, I smile in mirth. My wife finds the news so boring, but I find it hilarious. And the jokes that come on Whats App are class.
See elections are bringing long lost siblings together, or spouses. Narendra Modi, suddenly discovered that he had married in his youth, after a good 40 odd years. And he is still married, not divorced too. ND Tiwari recently discovered he had a son, from another wife, after a good 30 years, all thanks to the DNA report.so father and son have reunited, son is saying I am happy, but not so happy(maybe the first wife does not want to share her wealth by tiwari with this chap eh !)
And Karunanidhi discovered his daughter Kanimozi after she was already in her thirties, and the thrid or the fourth wife of his, that is kani’s mother also came into existance. So they too united.
And now after uniting with his daugher, his two sons have seperated. Interesting is it not eh !
And today this joke came in, making me drop tea all over my clothes. Here it is.
LADKON SE GALTI HO JATI HAI – SAYS MULAYAM SINGH YADAV
Galti se ladke ho jate hai – ND Tiwari

And many politcians get their tongues loose. Like Mulayam, he says boys make mistakes, they can overdrink maybe, they can fight too sometimes, and sometimes they can rape too. And so he has promised all rapists, and future rapists, that relax boys , u can sow yr wild oats where ever u want, just leave our homes, and relatives, but if u rape, we are there for u, u are boys, and boys do make mistakes.it is boys who steal mangoes from the neighborus trees, they break the windows palying cricket, so mulayam says , boys play, either cricket, or football, so they might as well as play with girls.

Is there a new voter category called ex rapists, current rapists, and would be rapists, and he wanted to garner their votes eh ! I wonder what explanation he will give his daughter in law. Women are to be played with, nothing serious eh ! Rape is a game, a mistake that boys can make ? And one cant have the death sentence for a game, is it? Mulayambhai, good logic !!!

And then we have Abu Azmi of mumbai, who says convict the rape victim too, meaning maybe that is she was not around, the rape would not have taken place, so it is equally her fault to be at the wrong place at that time. Well it is unfortunate his son and daughter in law Takia, did not agree , and Azmi does not know what to say next !!!!
Azam khan, mulayam’s pal, says kargil war was won by muslim soldiers. Wow, he came to know this 15 years after the war eh ! And were only muslims who laid down their lives in kargil ? pretty intersting I must say.


These guys , mulayam and Abu and even Azam, should chew that chewing gum,CENTRE FRESH that zips yr mOUTH, and this is the right time for it, for they seem toput their foot in their mouth, if their lips were zipped, they would not have said what they said. They could make good advts for this brand, as also for fevistick, that politicians must apply ,like lipstick, when asked tricky questions.

And I have lost my domestic help and office staff to the elections. My maid at home, who cleans the floor and the dishes, ran away some 2 weeks back, saying a lady has become paralized and they have asked her to take care of her, at 500 a day, so I am going, and off she goes. My office staff, 4 of them, too have vamoosed since a week. You know why ?

The political parties are paying, as per the papers, these maids and others , 500 per head per day, plus liquor for the men, to take part in processions, in the city, screwing up the traffic, holding banners and shouting.

Voting is on Thursday the 17[SUP]th[/SUP], and from the 20[SUP]th[/SUP] or so, when liquor is out of the system, the pockets are empty, the maid will come, saying the lady has conked off, and now I want my job back.As will the boys come back.

And I look so dignified in front of my maid, the parties could have hired me for 1000 a day plus a quarter of Royal stag, and a pound of meat, I would have lent them so much respect, being with the canditate in the jeep, , I am not a bad bargain at all.As it is I have time on my hands, I would rather campaign for money, than write blogs for free eh ! HAHA

In a way these elections have taught me the dignity of labour, now I have learnt to clean my own office table, to press my clothes, to water my lawns, and in fact I am enjoying it, my joints are opening up, and I feel light and nice. After so many years I have watered the garden, and the smell of the wet mud, and seeing the grass and plants turn green with water, and what with my doggie bingo loving the wet mud, and wanting to get wet in the pipe, it is heaven.

So guys keep the maids and the servants, I save money, and I make good my health. Life could not have been better. Let anyone come, the scams are waiting to happen, for we must have a war chest for the next elections, who knows how long this new govt will last, with ammas and didis and guys like mulayam deceding the fate, so I guess everyone will make merry at the centre, for me how does it matter, onions at 12 or at 80, petrol at 80 or at 70, how does it matter at this stage of my life.

So lets enjoy the fun friends. And I am thinking of writing a filmi script of these missing relatives of politicans, and their deeds and misdeeds, and I think they should force each politican to have a DNA tese done, and anyone can go claim that they are the children of so and so , and they can give their DNA test too, and I am sure, most politicians will discover that they have sired in dozens, and if they split their assets , he will become bankrupt.

HAHA

So now u can show yr middle inked finger proudly withoput offending anyone, it is called Fingie not selfie !!

KAMAL MAHTANI

I think Ektaa Kapoor is the best bet for P.M.
Nobody understands India better than her..
She keeps the women happy with the Saas-Bahu serials, and the men with Sunny Leone movies !!!��



A Lady on telephone: ��
Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you..
Man: do u know me.. 
Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids. 
Man stunned,
Oh my God!
Are u Sejal ???? 
No 
Are U Dhanashree ??? 
No 
Mitali?
No 
Vaibhvi? 
No 
Lady in confusion...
No sir i'm the class teacher of your son.. . ��
Rocking question shocking answer 



Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody
complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled.
"My wife and I were married 75 years ago.
On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge.
Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.
"Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."


Mom: tu bhi bachpan me Kejriwal ki tarah tha!
Son : kya me bhi dharna deta tha?
Mom: Na, roz thappad khata tha !



Driving Styles In Different Countries.....
•Both Hands on steering Wheel nd straight focus while driving - UAE
•1 hand On Steering Wheel, 1 Hand Out of Window - USA
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1 Hand On Steering And 1 Hand On Horn - Japan..
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1 Hand On Horn with cigarette in, 1 Hand On Gear, Listening Loud Music, 1 Ear On Cell, 1 Foot On Acceleration,
Nothing On Brake
And
Both Eyes On Female In Next Car- .
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INDIA
KaSam se ...We Indians are Multi talented..

 

Dear Raji,
thanks.
Regards
kamal

 

Dear Kelly,

HAHA. True. and this is even better, that vijaykant is sore now that modi has met Rajnikant and he has been endorsed. politicians, well they wont mind even going to ladies of easy virtue, if it suits them, i tell u.

And i forgot to write this. my all time favourte Rakhi Sawant, has formed a new party, called BAP, the father of AAP. it means Bharatiya Aam party. HAHA

Tell me, am i not having a great time these days eh !

Regards

kamal

 

Dear OJ,

Well u are right, why go out in the heat, and get a stroke, these bastards will leave me there and there, to die in the heat. All unscruplous , after elections they forget their promises and u too.Anyway we have better things to do eh !

i have survived Charan Singh, Chandrashekhar, deve Gowda, VP Singh and so many others, as they say, this too shall pass. All ifell sorry is for Modi.

Well i dont have too many sons or daughters around , OJ, i did not sow my wild oats unfortunately.HAHAHAHAHAHA

Regards

kamal

 

Dear Manju,

Thank u so much for the kind words. Well khuswant died and his spirit and sould has entered me i think.HAHASo all credit to him.

Regards

kamal