Still!

I've started getting acquainted with it, very early. I don't exactly remember when and like all lasting relationships, the starting really doesn't matter at all. Now I look above and try to get back to my earliest of memories. Perhaps its a funny thing. Each memory is like a passing cloud that makes you to focus on it for a few minutes before leaving you, in trance and fully drenched with the emotions associated with it. Some of them are so powerful and etched so deep in you that they keep coming again and again in different forms, through different events that happen around you, almost always linking them to the point that is frozen within you. Sometimes I just feel that life is all about making impressions a few and living and reliving in them till the end.

As I see it again, I just wonder how it keeps forever changing. At times its so clear and for a moment or two, you feel like its a gigantic screen in so lovely a colour that you yearn to be fixed to it like a speck in the globe, a moth in the light source and of course, a drop in the ocean. I saw them floating then, coming from nowhere to my gaze and they all seemed like little children running all along, trying to catch one another. Just like children making faces like animals and other elders, they played, fused together and went away too, bringing it back to what it was before. It was getting hotter and the shadow that was upon me, wanted to leave. I was sweating, and my body was complaining yet, didn't have a heart to leave. I relaxed a bit more and tried to see it with my eyes closed, for the simple reason that the sun was then above me, lighting it up all along. It looked so lovely though a bit paler, just like someone who is back to good health after a bout of illness and shedding some weight as a result. For a moment it even seemed to smile at me. I smiled back.

When I came back after a long gap and rested, the shade was back, but the floor was very hot, making me to complain a bit. I looked above and saw a flurry of activity there. The sun seemed to go to the other side faster to meet his family and fulfill the promise he made and in a frenzy, he hurried, lighting up all those things and even the screen itself to a beautiful shade of reddish orange and I just couldn't take my eyes out of it then. This is the same colour that I see always when I close my eyes anytime. And it seemed like the sun had just released a lot of energy just then, like the kids who have a never ending supply of it or the old one who is doing it on purpose, trying to accomplish something before time runs out. I sat there transfixed, seeing the gloom return to my mind too.

The moon was there alright, but was not visible till then, due to the radiance of the sun. This is similar to our ignoring small things however important and trying to go after what we think as the obvious. I saw it getting a duller shade ash and gradually getting darker. Somehow, I felt like a weight being removed from me. And then it came. the first, the loner and the best of all, without any glamour. Then came another one. Soon it seemed to be full of those tiny fireflies emitting various little streaks of light, blue ones more in number. It felt like a thousand pair of eyes watching from above along with the oldest of them all, their mother, all seeing me kindly. My mind too was filled with a tranquility. I just wondered how similar our mind and it are, with respect to the frequently changing state, only the interval being drastically different. Of course there is yet another much bigger similarity too, which the dancing lord in Chidambaram signifies.

At that moment however, the sky and my mind, both felt so still.

 

Thanks very much Sreema. It was a pleasant surprise to receive your feedback as first. -rgs

 

Your first statement still confuses me Viswa. Can you please clarify on that?
Besides, now that I am neither, I am free to interpret and pour whatever I felt here . I haven't read much and didn't experience a lot too. But I try my best to articulate whatever little experience that I have, here.

Coming to the mind and its connectivity to sky, yes, I am aware of it, read it and even wondered at the similarity. The nothingness and the infinite expansion is being applicable to both. At times you dwell upon a thought for several days and this is one of those. Thanks again for your feedback Viswa. And thanks for nominating it too. I consider that as a gift to me on this auspicious day. -rgs

 

Thanks first for your feedback Cheeniya Sir and being frank about it being unclear. This is more of an abstract and spontaneous thought of connecting the mind and sky, so please do not expect an orderliness and a neat presentation which I always lack, because of being a rookie and displaying a false bravado.

I liked the various things that I see in the sky and how does it reflect upon me and tried writing about the mind too with it. Sorry about this confusion. The sun, the stars, the brightness, the vast nature, the gloom, the dim ray of hope in it - the moon and the greatest support to oneself, one's own mind with positive thoughts that glow like stars - this is what I tried to infer. Besides, when we try to further identify the source of it all or the origin point, both mind and the sky are nothing but illusions. The very similarity of them extends even to the duality exhibited by them. And I tried a bit too much in connecting this with Chidambara Rahasyam. Hope I clarified a bit now, though I feel that its largely incomplete too. I am not that gifted to write a perfect one that doesn't require any more explanations Sir. Sorry for that. I rely upon the viewers feedback and views to complete this, even for myself, in all my posts except a rare few. Sorry again for a lengthy feedback. Just to conclude - If you don't get something out of this, its not your fault. Its mine. -rgs

 

Point taken Cheeniya Sir, with the right spirit. Besides, what with already dwindling or non-existent feedback to quite many threads of mine, this would be just one more to them, I understand.

I will try to be more clear while writing abstract posts so I could reach many. Most of my posts here are spur of the moment and I have that urge to write them fast before they move out in to some deeper sections of the mind. I hope you understand this. I feel restless, quite restless till I post and like a child blurting out something that it could no longer contain, I write post after post here, even before checking whether they are received or not. At times it brings out the best of me and I could connect to others. Many times not.

Fine. I will remember your advice. Thanks again. -rgs