All for an Appalam,my dear!

All for an Appalam, my dear!

Sowndharam athai is my husband’s youngest athai ie my father in law’s youngest sister.She is older than my husband only by a few years. Hence they were more like friends, confiding in each other their anxieties,sorrows, fears and sharing their joys and dreams.Sowndharam athai and her husband lived in Trichy.We were in Chennai and my daughters were toddlers when Sowndaram athais daughter’s marriage was finalized .
We could not attend the engagement ceremony since my husband could not get leave.
Sowndharam athai landed in Chennai on a fine morning with the marriage invitation. “Why did you come all the way when there must be so much wedding preparation to take care of at home?You could have sent the invitation by post,”said my husband. “No Kanna,I want to talk to you both That’s why I came in person “said athai.

Athai told my husband,’Kanna,the boy whom we have fixed for Ramya(her daughter,the bride to be)is a good boy,no bad habits,he is a B.COM graduate and is working in a bank you know!”said athai with pride in her demeanour.Those days,ie in the early seventies,a bank job even if it was on the lowest rung was considered to be a boon from God.A B.COM graduate with a bank job was like a Tendulkar in a cricket team,a sure winner in life.
“Very good”said my husband,”So what is the problem?”
“Kanna,the boy’s parents seem to be very particular about formalities and protocols,You know?”,observed athai,her brows were knitted.”What protocols?This is a marriage Sowndharam,not a March Past”laughed my husband.I looked at him with irritation,poor athai!.
Athai said,”Kanna,this is no time for joking. The boys parents told us at the time of Nichayathartham( ie engagement ceremony) that they are not particular about the gold and silver that we give the girl.They are particular that at the time of marriage they and their relatives should be given all the respect and importance that is due to them.The boy’s father’s name is Srinivasan,he looked particularly aggressive when he said that ,you know?”exclaimed athai worry lines making designs on her otherwise charming face.
“Kanna,I don’t have a son to take care of all these things…”athai’s voice choked and she would have cried,but my husband put his arms round her shoulders and said,”Don’t worry Sowndharam,I am here ,no?I will take care of everything.You be peaceful and take care of other things.Leave the protocols to me”.Athai left for Trichy in peace.
We arrived in Trichy a week before the marriage.My husband took charge of everything.Athai’s husband Nandu who was a very retiring person heaved a sigh of relief on seeing my husband taking care of everything.
My husband called all the adults in the family to the terrace and there he sat with a note and pen charting out plans on who would be responsible for which job.(Here I have to tell you something about my husband and I.In our family we always plan things with a pen and paper,so much so that, even when we fight, we make sure to have a pen and paper each and proceed jotting down all the points that we were going to argue or fight about.Please don’t think that I am exaggerating.)

Venkatesan and his wife Padma were in charge of welcoming the bridegroom’s family right at the entrance .”Be careful Venku,You people should not leave even a small child on their side,you should welcome them with full honours ie chandan,kumkum,flowers and rosewater sprinkled on them and sugar offered on a plate,”emphasized my husband.Venkatesan and his wife nodded their heads vigorously.
Krishnamurthy and his wife Vijaya were given the responsibility of taking care of the bridegroom’s people and all their needs,be it hot water in flasks,toilettery items to be kept in their rooms,towels in their bath rooms,medicine kit ,Horlicks,Bournvita etc,etc,.Even tooth paste,tooth powder were not forgotten. Krishnamurthy and Vijaya were suitably proud that they were entrusted with such high responsibilities.Subbu mama a middle aged uncle was asked to be in charge of accompanying the bridegroom’s side people to the temples and to get them good dharshan.He also had to take them for shopping if they needed his help.
Seenu was told to arrange for taxis and autos which would be kept at the disposal of the bridegroom side.
Partha and his wife were given the task of inviting the bridegroom side people for every itinerary of the the marriage right from the early morning till they left for Trichy with our daughter.A difficult task but Partha and Selvi,his wife were young and energetic more than that they were also a pleasant couple.
Kannan and his wife ie I and my husband were in charge of general supervision and were going to be trouble shooters.
The discussion went on for two to three hours.
If the allies had planned like this my friends,the World war II would not have dragged for so many years,thought I.

The D day arrived and our people took their posts as planned.Everything went smoothly.Sowndharam athai and Nandu uncle were so happy that their faces resembled Lotus and Rose,who was lotus and who was rose?Well I leave it to your imagination.
The Muhurtham took place with the blessings of every one present,the bridegroom tied the mangal sutra on the bride.s neck and we heaved a sigh of such relief.
The next in the itinerary was Lunch,the grand lunch in which both the bride’s and the bridegroom’s side people would sit together and eat.
The bride’s side people excepting the people who were in important posts,sat.The bridegroom’s side people including the bridegroom his wife,his parents and his relatives sat right opposite to them as was the custom,in those days.Another custom was that the bridegroom’s side will be served all the items first.
The headcook accompanied by his assistants came and they started serving the items one by one.At one stage the headcook carrying the hot appalams on a plate entered the hall.He started serving the Appalams and inadvertently,he served the first appallam in the leaf of Nandu,the bride’s father.
Well,that did it1The bridegrooms father Srinivasan,a diminutive figure, who till now had a benign expression on his face and was smiling at everybody with out any reason at all, stood up.His face contorted and his body shook in anger.He showed his finger at the head cook and asked him in a loud tone,”How long have you been working as a cook for marriage parties?.Dont you know sampradayams(customs).How can you serve the bride’s father first when I am sitting right opposite to him?.The Lilliputian like uncle thundered and the Bheemalike head cook with strong muscles due to grinding the atta and wielding the heavy ladles,trembled in his bare feet.
He apologized to the sambhandi profusely, “Anna,forgive me.It happened by mistake”.But ,no,Srinivasan won’t relent.He threatened to take the next bus to Madurai,his place.
By this time my husband and several others gathered round Mr.Srinivasan and apologised to him for the mistake commited by the headcook.Finally after quite some time he relented and the remaining lunch was eaten by the rest with mixed emotions.I thought for a minute that Nandu uncle was going to cry but he controlled himself.
The marriage was over,our girl went to her in law’s house with a smile on her face.
We returned to Chennai .The next day I made Milagu kuzhambu and roasted appalam my husband’s favourite items for lunch.My husband saw the roasted appalams in my hand. Immediately he sprang to his feet and ran inside his room.I went behind him and asked him, “What is the matter,are you not well?”
“Take those appalams away.I don’t want to see appalam for the next few years atleast”cried out my husband.Well,I could understand and sympathise with him.

Last month,we attended Ramya’s daughter’s wedding.Ramya who grew up right in front of our eyes,who used to tug at my husband’s dhothi and pester him for lolly pops and balloons was standing on the dais wearing a traditional nine yards saree and a beautiful smile on her lips.I could sense my husband getting emotional.Ramya came down after the Muhurtham.My husband teased her,”What Ramya,are you not taking care of the bridegroom’s side?.You are happily going around as if you are the bridegroom’s mother!”.
Ramya laughed and called out to a gentle man standing nearby.”Appu uncle”she introduced him to us as the caterer who was in charge of the entire wedding preparations and said,”Uncle ,please take care of my great uncle,he is the father figure in our family”.
Appu bowed down and said in flawless English,”Appu at your service,Sir”.
We were not surprised.This change from the old order is something that both I and my husband have come to relish.


‘

oooh,
here comes the "appala kachheri"...!!...mithila maam, u kalayana kadhaigal seem to be an endless collection...bring them on, we are all eager to lap it all up...

as u say,i have often discussed this point with many ppl of the earlier generation...wedding those days used to keep the bride's family on tenterhooks til the end (they still mostly do!),but those where days when all family members would come days earlier and help out with the proceedings...
now with families far flung and even siblings arriving just a day or two earlier, catering people are really a boon....they provide everything, from the kolam to the pattu pai to the thaamboolam covers...days sure have changed....so many bride's parents have time to catch their breath during the wedding,thanks to them...:) (but groom's families can always come up with innovative ways to keep up the tension...trust them..:) )

rgds,
sowpar

Dear Mithila,
Very well written . You have us glued to these stories and each piece of yours is very interesting. No wonder your posts are blockbusters in the nomination forum. Allow me the pleasure of nominating this one. An applause for your appalam!

Love,
Devika

dear mithila maam,
congrats for the nomination ..myself for not being the first to do it, inspite of being the first to reply...devika maam, u took the honours...:)

Originally Posted by Devika Menon

Dear Mithila,
Allow me the pleasure of nominating this one. An applause for your appalam!

Love,
Devika

rgds,
sowpar

Mithila my dear friend
If its possible to excel what you already wrote you did it...Great job..keep going.. I could not even bat my eyelids from start to finish just in case I missed the appalams.. waiting for more:)

Dear anandchitra,
As I have already written to you,you have made my day.
Thank you.
mithila kannan

My dear sowparnika,
Thank you dear,for being so appreciative.
mithila kannan

Dear Devika,
Thank you dear friend.I have no other words for thsi appreciation.My writing a post is not so great but your generosity in appreciating the post and large heartedness in praising a person's work is something amazing.
God bless you
mithila kannan

Thank you once again.
mithila kannan

mithila,
i can only say in a typical manner besh besh nannavey irukku ongalodaya kalyana prabhaavangal. it is like going through the ananda vikatan i think about appu and his wife and so many things followed, i also thought about the wedding i conducted that of my sister but in front of all ur description they may fall short....wonderful ma..sunkan