The Great Indian Circus

Boy do I love elections! Democracy be damned but elections and pre-election hysteria are real fun. They are absolutely ROFL stuff. In which political parties vie with each other to give us bellyaches through their non-stop laughter antics.

Take the case of Madhya Pradesh unit of the Congress party. The party has appealed to the Election Commission that all lotus ponds in the state must be hidden from the public view. The reason?? Lotus is the BJP symbol in the state which is going to have assembly elections soon . AND THE PARTY FEARS THAT VOTERS MAY BE UNFAIRLY DRAWN TO BJP BECAUSE OF THE LOTUSES THAT ARE BLOOMING ALL OVER THE STATE..

This is not the first case of lotusphobia in the state. The inimitable Digvijay Singh(You can always expect him to give you a laughing fit and he will not disappoint) had protested to the Election Commission that class VI science text books in MP contained pictures of lotus and therefore must be taken off the school syllabus. No doubt class VI students have the right to vote and would be drawn unfairly to the BJP.

I must say it is a fair apprehension. If Congress loses its elections in the state you can always blame it on lotus ponds. They no doubt form part of the Sangh Parivar and are conspiring against the Great Mother and want to prevent her worthy son from ascending the throne.

But don’t laugh it off. I am still keeping my fingers crossed on the issue. Don’t be surprised if the Election Commission decides to take steps to hide the ponds from public view.. Then it would not be the first time that the commission would have joined the parties in entertaining the public with its antics.

During the last assembly polls in Uttar Pradesh, the commission, which seems to be sincerely convinced that voters are a bunch of sheep, ordered all statues of elephants should be covered in black polythene sheets or clot because the elephant was the symbol of the Bahujan Samaj party , There is no doubt that elephants covered in polythene sheets will look like horses.

Now ” unfair” flaunting of election symbols is a serious matter. Take the case of DMK in Tamil Nadu. Its MLAs were thrown out of Tamil Nadu assembly yesterday for protesting that the minibuses being operated by the state government have pictures of leaves! Their allergy to leaves is because the ruling AIADMK’s election symbol is two leaves. The assurance that all leaves are not two leaves fell on deaf ears.

Now, this is an absolutely grave matter. No stone must be left unturned to ensure such unfair practices. Let us start with DMK. If pictures of leaves cn buses can remind people of AIDMK’s election symbol and mislead the people into voting for the party in the forthcoming parliamentary elections . steps must be taken to counter it. You see there are evil things like plants and trees. They are have leaves and the leaves could remind voters of AIADMK’s election symbol. These evil things, which no doubt are AIADK agents must be stripped of their leaves all over the state so that people are not unfairly influenced by them while exercising their franchise.

But let us be balanced in this matter. Remember the Sun also rises (not to be confused with Sons many of whom are rising in Indian political scene propped up by loving parents , whether they deserve it or not). .Remember the DMK’s election symbol is the rising Sun.. So how do we prevent voters from getting unfairly influenced by it? This is a lot easier than stripping trees and plants of leaves. Just impose a curfew to ensure that people don’t venture out at the time of sunrise. And top it with a shoot-at-sight order that anyone seen outdoors during sunrise will be shot.

Now that solves one problem, but more crop up. The Samajvadi Party has cycle as its poll symbol.. So what if people see many using cycles to commute and are unfairly drawn to the SP. Simple ban cycles on road until elections are over. That will also ensure that many motorists don’t get booked for speeding over some cyclist and killing him. We can save lives too that way. . If trucks and buses are election symbols too let these vehicles be taken off the roads until polls, never mind if this puts a temporary halt to their noble task of population control by bringing many people under their wheels. What matters is fair elections.

But with one particular symbol we really run into a serious problem WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT HAND? Except for a few physically challenged people everybody has hands. They eat with it, punch their enemies and shake hands with friends and do many unmentionable things with it. . So how do we prevent people from getting influenced in their choice of candidates by looking at that part of their body, which happens to be the Congress symbol? Well the Election commission can order that people venturing out should have their hands in trouser pockets until the polls are over.Those who don’t wear pants should wear long kurtas with deep pockets to fit in their hands.

But what about ladies who wear sarees? What the heck man, cut off their hands. Democracy and fair voting are paramount. If hands have an evil influence on the voter, they have to go.

 

Sabitha true perception is a two-edged sword.. But politicians are an insecure lot you see. They tend to fear their rivals' symbol. And in this case of Lotus in Madhya Pradesh Surveys predicting Congress' defeat must have added to their fears so much that they lost all sense of proportion.

 

Kamalji, don't be surprised if the election commission forces you to wear a burqa because of your name. If Diggy boy knows your name is Kamal he will certainly complain to the commission.., Great idea we can paralyze the entire country over the issue of election symbols!

 

Great idea Satchi. That way we can save quite a few hands. Or may be as they did in case of elephant statues in UP during the last assembly polls there. , the hands can be wrapped in blak polythene. Then may be hands won't llok like hands and unfairly attract voters.

 

Viswa, it was a stroke of genius on the part of the election comm8ission to make the broom an election symbol. Nay be that would prevent atrocities against hapless husbands by wives as display of brooms could be banned as it would unfairly attract bvoters to Aam Aadmi Party. May be Men can enjoy a temporary truce in the battle of genders if rolling pin is also becomes an election symbol.As for umbrella, its place in the pantheon of election symbols will lead to a brisk sale of raincoats. As for mangos let us hope that the Parliamentary election next year will not be held during the Mango season. Otherwise the Election Commission will be forced to order the plucking of all mangos from trees and ban the sale of the king of fruits.