To understand a woman better.....your help needed!

hello vanaja

1) What are the questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations does women face today?

• there is still a dash here and strip there in common places which a woman finds difficult to handle especially the young girls.
• they are still viewed as sex objects or why would girls of age five and ten be taken by drivers/ other care takers.
• getting married late often makes a girl demand more education and better placement as she is also mature, more learned and responsible for her parents. Then the question as to who should take care of her parents (these days single kids are common) will become a huge problem. Now it is just in the initial stages.
• girls going on night shifts are still not safe. And some have to work for a living.
• why not a matriarchal society then she can take care of both parents and inlaws.
• whether she is working or not a regular income for her. (oh yes there are women who work but are given just a pittance everyday to go about or have tea..!!)

2) What are the things women would like to learn/understand through media (TV & Radio)?

Media become more friendly to women.
Stop crying and taking revenge in serials. (ya the woman can decide not to see..!)
On holidays present the viewers with better researched and knowledgeable material and not the usual movies etc (or even the movies can be selected to reach kids to move towards a better society)
Come up with views that a woman/mother at home is also someone to be looked up to someone to be proud about. She is the one who is bringing up the child /citizens of tomorrow. and parents or old relatives are her responsibility.
The dress code: is still a debate.. the lesser she wears the better she gets noticed.
We are in a hurry to ape the west as far as dress is concerned and also the style. The cut hair, no bindi, coat jeans etc on tv…will the news be any less interesting is she were to wear a saree/salwar kum to read news?
Catch up on old history…we seem to have lost our great culture to the people who ruled us for sometime. Not proud of our county any more.. instill patriotism.
Let us not make a hue and cry over everything that is said …like you said ..if someone says pottai what do you do?.....ignore and the matter is settled then and there.,,,try to get justice…you are still nowhere near getting what you want…it cannot be unsaid and it will still be repeated.

sathya

Nice discussion topic :) Thanks for starting it :)

1) What are the questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations does women face today?

(1) Her after marriage/commitment in a relationship life: How to handle her expectations from both her partner and her family from either side. How to balance both side parents. How to lead a life she dreamt about. How to handle the disappointments without any strain in the relationship. How to get through her ideas/wishes/likes/dislikes to others without being branded as high maintenance, bossy etc.
(2) Her career: I always felt being a woman, your career growth is kinda too much under microscope. You cannot be close enough to anyone even though u are friends, as it might project that we are getting our appraisal the easy way. Always had to maintain a distance and cant be just relaxed and be free. Got to make sure we are not being named anything we don't like. I don't think a man had to go through this to move up the ladder.
(3) Society: A guy can make his decisions whenever he wants. 30, no problem, I can still be single. 35, no problem, I can have kids years later. But do a woman that freedom, atleast in Indian society, nope.. nada.. nothing whatsoever. She gets ears full is shes single at 26 Big LaughBig Laughimagine what it would be like in 30. society has lots of suppression on women for all these years, so at many ways, she has to fight over it now.
(4) My personal pointer ;) Every month ;): A guy is so cool all year round, but for a woman those days, she would wish she just disappear from the face of this earth and come back when its over RantRantThe pain.. I am so confused.. why is that God had to give everything to the Woman.. why didnt he share some with the men.. periods, labor pains, feeding the baby.. everything has to be from her..
(5) Choice: Does she have enough freedom to choose what she needs.. starting from studies.. Can I study medicine? Nah, after 3 years, anyway you are going to get married.. what are you going to do, after 5 years of study and then 3 years in majoring something? I agree its changed quite now.. but still if a woman wants to join navy even today, I am not sure how many parents would be so happy to agree.. Then job.. it had to be in the same city.. or in the same state atleast.. can I join this job in gujarat.. what... from chennai you are going to go to gujarat.. no way.. find something here or learn cooking from your amma.. would be useful later useful??? why not they say that to their son.. learn some washing.. might be useful later ;) huh? Choice of partner, choice of when to marry, choice of having kids... the list goes on and on and on...

2) What are the things women would like to learn/understand through media (TV & Radio)

From media??? I don't think nowadays there's anything useful for a woman to learn something from it. Ah.. there's this one thing.. May be encouragement to do something seeing those ladies doing something.. rather than just cook, watch mega serials and cry...

Sorry, I don't have much respect for the so called media...

Dear Vandhana, aqua, vase, sathya and nandhu,

Thanks a lot for your suggestions.

Dear Vanaja
Your thread is excellent and the replies.. WOW I am so proud of these women..
I will try and write what I can but no match for all these replies ahead of me:)

Question 1: Dilemma would be trying to balance work and home; been there for sometime. I would say that many educated women do take time off to bring up their children. There they are faced with a real dilemma whether to give up a good paying job or not.
Conflicts again in 2 income families, spending quality time with husband and kids..
Also the support of inlaws. With nuclear families being the norm most young women tend to shirk responsibilities..Strictly my opinion..from what I see they would rather not have anything to do with inlaws.. this is a unusual situation as it did not exist in my time..Even if we did not live in the same place as inlws it was the unspoken rule that we would take care of them towards the end..
Question 2: Media ..I think Vandhana's answer here is truly excellent
apart from that yesterday I was watching a t.v. ad with son where they showed a young girl and boy left alone and the boy says so we are alone.. but the girl realises she would jeopardise her life with unplanned and early sex so walks away.. for youngsters thats very educative.. like no to drugs, cigarette etc..

Once again nice thread and great replies:)

Dear AC,

Thanks a lot for your suggestions and for the compliments.

Female foeticide, killing of girl child, step-motherly treatment by parents pampering
the male children, pre-marital pregnancies, wrong spouse, ill-treatment by mother-in-law, inability to conceive when women are always blamed,sexual harassment in public transport and workplaces ... the list is endless.

Dear Vanaja,

I'm sorry am a bit late. But I needed some time. There have been a lot of responses from all our ILites. I will answer based on my outlook and experiences.

Problems we face:
> Fear of Sex : I know, a lot of you will think this will not be so in this age where a lot of folks are talking about premarital sex. But trust me, it is so. I have seen so many of my friends (more exposure to this as I was staying in a hostel) who are **** scared of sex and think it is outright dirty. A lot many think of sex just as a means of having a child and nothing more. I think it is a major problem for them as this will affect our married lives.

> The most frequently quoted issue - managing home(husband, kids, in-laws), a career and also have personal time. Somehow a lot of women seem to be managing but often at the cost of their "me" time. This often leads to a sense of missing out something in life - ourselves!

> Marriage and kids - When is the right time? This includes a lot of factors that need to be taken into consideration. But a lot of us do mull over this. (This has been mentioned by others, but I feel it bears repetition)

I will list somethings that the media can do. Some issues are intertwined with the possible "help" that we can get from the media. Also, some of my points are not biased towards women - both the sexes will benefit.
> Sex education - A lot of magazines do have front page issues dealing with sex, but more often than not, they seem to be intent on boosting sales rather than providing meaningful information. Good education will not only help women overcome fear, but can also help teens deal with premarital sex. It is often ignorance and the "need to know" that results in such issues.

> Investing - This has also been suggested by a lot of people. This will be of help especially for the women who do not work. For example, my MIL wants to invest but she has no income of her own. She saves some money every month and gets some rent which she wansto invest. What are the options for such people?

> Entrepreneurship - What it takes to be an entrepreneur? A lot of women and men have dreams of becoming one. But how does one prepare oneself for the task ahead? Maybe sucessful personalities(not necessarily famous) can enlighten others with the mistakes they made and how they overcame them. Media will be of great help to them.

> Legal rights - What are the laws which can be used when a woman needs to safegaurd herself? What do the laws say for a woman/man affected by a bad marriage? What do the laws say about inheritence? Information on consumer court and its laws, laws against eve-teasing (what constitutes eve-teasing?), what can one do about sexual abuse at the workplace(so that it is not misused, information on what constitutes sexual abuse), reporting theft and following it up are some of the issues that come to my mind as of now.

> Education and Careers - There are a lot of options out there that one can pursue, be it education or one's career. As of now(it has been like this for some time now) the focus is on engineering and the IT industry. I know for a fact that as of now a B.Com/B.Sc graduate has better chances of earning a higher pay(as a fresher) compared to an engineering graduate. So why narrow down our opportunities? Infomation about the various options may see the growth of a balanced economy.

> Information on Child abuse - This issue has always been on the back burner. Children need to be educated on how they can avoid abuse - outside and inside home. Also, parents need to know how to deal with the first incident of abuse and prevent it, how to take care of the emotional and psychological needs and fears of an abused child and what are the legal actions that one can take against the perpetuator.

Vanaja, thats all I can think of right now. As for gender abuse, it is still there all around us. One of the prime culprits is the media - often women are portrayed in a demeaning way. One of my pet peeves is the campain for "fair skin" that seems to be part of the media. If ads do their part, the mega-serials do theirs. I wonder why they show women as ever-suffering poor souls or as scheming vixen.
Another form of abuse that I encounter everyday is - abuse on the road. Looks like a lot of men cannot stand a woman driving. The abuse ranges from snide remarks, constantly sounding the horn right behind you, obstructing the way when the roads are free, trying to scare by coming straight at the woman from the opposite direction only to swerve away at the last moment, to openly hostile comments.

Well, it seems to be a very long post already! If I think of anything else I will let you know.

Regards,
Anitha

Dear Vatsan and Anitha,

Thanks a lot for your reply. Your suggestions will be notified to the Project lead.

Hi Vanaja,

I just came by this post and thought better late than never.

What are the questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations does women face today?

- Right from childhood they face discrepencies between son n daughters.
- More freedom given to sons....so why not me.
- Lack of encouragement from parents...less attention...beti toh paraya dhan hoti hain.
- freedom to choose their education and going further a career of their choice.
- In college to identify true friends.
- At workplace...how to behave, what to wear...should i stick to my principles or if i don't indulge in the so called in things today will i be tagged a "behenji" (smoking, drinking, partying, live-in relations etc.)
- After marriage adjusting with the family...and maintaining a balance between work n home.
- to be nuclear or remain in a joint family.
- major decisions
- self-confidence
- handling finance
- handling kids
- suddenly if their status change...then they are unable to handle the elite society...find themselves being a mis-fit.
- self-respect

But i stongly feel that along with the above they also need to be given solutions and proper grooming n guidance.

Let us not cry over the spilt milk but forget the past and thru media learn how to forge ahead by showing good and positive programmes (not the negative serials that are shown today). I agree with Chitra..learn the importance of a joint family...if everyone learns to forgive and forget a joint family is a boon rather than a bane.


What are the things women would like to learn/understand through media (TV & Radio)

- Time Management
- Options of working from home
- Information about help that can be derived to start a small scale business
- Reviews on good books worth reading
- More positive things rather than focusing on celebrities and the negative news ( rape, murder, politics, etc)
- What precautions to be taken while hiring new domestic help (maid, drivers)
- consumer rights
- Info on domestic abuse (who can be of help other than the police...as going to the police station these days is also not very safe for ladies)
- Health related informations
- Child upbringing...(not to pressurise the child unnecessarily...but to identify its ability and then groom them)
- Importance of Relationship management (today people don't know who their relatives are or who a neighbour is)


I think thats it for now...maybe some points are repettions am not sure.

All the Best
Roopa.

hi roopa,

thanks a lot for your suggestions. repetitions doesn't bore me as they emphasize on adopting certain suggestions.