Up in Smoke

Up in Smoke

I was in Mumbai recently and had Dental work to get done.Went to my Dentist, and he once again advised me to give up smoking.All in good faith,i promised him, but the next day again was back to smoking.Some habits die hard.


Cigarettes is one of my bad vices, which i just cant seem to give up.Every week i have a few promises to give myself to leave them,but again, i will do it next week.So the cycle goes on and on.It is one of the hardest to leave,ask a smoker, or an exsmoker.The reason is,one smokes thruout the day,unlike drinks which are for the night.The only time one dosnt smoke is when we are asleep.


I started to smoke after marriage,soon after we shifted to Jaipur.with no parents around, i picked up this dirty habit.Its around 25 cigarettes a day, a habit i am absolutely not proud of.I used to smoke Gold Flakes in the early 80's, and when Dad used to come here,a smoker himself, he used to smoke Wills Navy Cut.We used to drink together, but i never smoked in front of him.He knew it.When his cigarettes used to finish, he used to tell my wife to flick a cigarette or two of mine,and give him.Hence i changed my brand to Dad's Navy Cut,so that i could always say it is his pack,but by mistake lying in my bathroom.



The year 1992.I get the news Dad has had an heart attack, a mild one,he was fine and at home.I reched bombay immediately.I went to his room,and we both had tears in our eyes.I used to stay in Jaipur so meet every few months,hence the distance really makes the heart grow fonder.He told mom and everyone to leave the room,as he had something to talk to me privately.He told me to lock the door,and come and sit near him.


He asked me about wife and the kids,and business,and assured me he is allright,nothing to worry.Then he asked me something that i will never forget ever.He said Kamal,I have not had a smoke for the past few days,and the doc has prohibited me from smoking.You know Kamal,I have been smoking since the age of 15,and you know, how difficult it is to not smoke,and that too for so many days.Your mom will kill me,and i cant ask anyone else this favour.Can u give me one Ciggarette,Kamal,and please dont tell anyone.



I was shocked out of my wits.I had the pack in my pocket,but how could i take out in front of Dad and give him.I excused myself,went to the bathroom outside,took out a few,and came gave Dad.He just accepted one,and kept sniffing it,taking in the tobacco smell,and said he will smoke later.


I felt very guilty.One part of my mind said,dont give Dad, its bad for his health,which is dicey itself right now.One part of mind said "Atma Parmatma".Meaming The mind is God.Only God knows how I felt at that moment,and how dad felt asking me.I still wonder what should I have done.


In 95, just a year before his death,Dad came to receive me at the Airport.My flight got delayed at Jaipur from 7 pm to 10 pm,and i ahd already checked in at 6/30 pm.They confiscated my ciggies at the Jaipur Airport.I called up Dad to say,dont come to the airport flight is late, and i will take a cab.But Dad being Dad, said i will come to the airport.I was feeling a urge for ciggies as i had not smoked since the last few hours.It was midnight when we landed,and i was hoping Dad will not come,as i can buy the ciggies ,somwhere in Dadar,on the way to my home in Worli.


But there i see Dad standing there,and could do nothing.I dont know why, he seemed very happy to see me,and we got in the cab.Along the way we talked and he smoked two ciggies,and how i was longing for one.I knew then that i can smoke only tommorrow morning,today no chance.


We reached home.Dad said, Kamal you must not have had a drink,he made one for me and one for himself.And he was unusually talkative that night He smoked another,then he made me a second drink,and continued talking.And all i could do was stare at him smoking away,longing for just a whiff.


He lit his second one,and then he did something very strange.He said Kamal come here,and as I went, he offered his packet,and told me, today Kamal today you wont refuse what i have to ask of you.Please smoke in front of me.I could see you have not smoked since u made the security check, they take away the ciggarettes,and please smoke today in front of me.


I knew he knew that i smoked but this was something i could not bring my self to do infront of Dad.All i could mutter was,Dad,not now.And he told me a story,something of which i did not know anything of.He said,Kamal when u were born,we did not have the money for the hospital,so we called the nurse home,and gave her an imported used blanket in lieu of your delivery.When we celebrated your birth on the 6th day ( We sindhis call it Chati,meaning the 6th day),clelbrated only for the birth of a male , we had a small party at home.I was smoking a ciggie outside the house,when an old uncle came,and i threw away the butt seeing him.


As we all sat down at the dinner table,the Uncle took out a ciggie and smoked and offered me one.I told him I dont smoke,and he said i saw u smoking outside and seeing me u threw it immediately.Dotn be ashamed to smoke in front of me and yr mom.Now u are grown up,and you know how to make babies,and still u are shy ?I smoked my first ciggie in front of my mom that day,and its carried on to this day.


So Kamal it is my wish,God knows how long I will live. And he told me that he can never forget the ciggie i gave him a few years back. (He died the next year at age 67),please do me this favour.Well sorry to say i did not oblige him, and never did while he was alive.And he left his packet on the table for me to smoke one,before I slept.


This is not about Glorifying ciggarettes,in fact i would advise all to stay away from this habit.But how hard it is,what i can i tell u guys.I still remember my Dad,and how different he was from others his age.I can only say.I must have done something nice in my last birth, to have been born his son.And for several births to come,I wouldnt want any other Dad than Dad.


I must have bored u guys thouroghly with this long piece.Sorry about that friends.Something just touched a chord by the Dentist, and here i come up with Kamalji and his Dad.Thanks for suffering my blog graciously.Thansk and regards to all.


KAMAL MAHTANI

Hello Kamalji
It is very very true that some habits die very hard or rather they dont die at all.
My Eldest Brother in law ( jijaji ) Was smoking ciggies since very young age of around 20 . If he left ciggies he usd to pick up some other form of having tobbaco like chewing or in a pan . In 1997 He had a severe heart attack I trevelled whole night to reach Indore where he was hospitialized with very irregular pulse & low BP in ICCU.
After two - three days When his condition stablized he was asking all of us just to give him a ciggrette asking his son ( a child of 14 years )to bring cigg s And was suffering from withdrawal so much But we cudnot give him a ciggrette in ICCU can we ?.
I witnessed that what the habits make a person to be ,He was so intelligent ,diginified person but there he was pleading with all of us.
It happens that after his discharge From hospitial Just after 28 days while talking with my sister he just passed away with a smile on his face at age of 60 yrs only.
I know That this was the outcome of smoking life long ,becoz otherwise he didn't had any other risk factors. So I witnessed this hard way that habits die hard.
I am happy that my Husband doesnot smoke at all & so I am very considerate about his glass of bear or a peg of alcohal occassionally.
As such understanding needs of child by parents is great as ur father understood.
Regards

Jaishree,

Thanks for yr kind comments.

Yes smoking is very hard to leave, as it is with u the whole day.So better that one dosnt smoke at all.Regards.kamal

ah kamalji
how can i forget getting that old ashtray from the attic for you
pl do give up for your health sake..sunkan

Kamalji,
I really cannot comment on this, coz i hate smoking as such... and a request from me is: Please Quit Smoking for ur health sake( i second Sunkan).

I was touched to read the lines you have described about ur dad..

Today we talk a lot of being friendly to kids after a certain age...and your dad proved that.

I an in the same boat as Sunkan and aishu...hate smoking am also allergic to it...if someone around me is smoking i start coughing or sneezing. But kamalji have you ever thought about your wife...whether she likes it or not or whether she can stand that smell/odour that emits from you bcoz of smoking.

I am sorry to say...but any type of tobacco emits a foul odour from the person and it is just unbearable....so if not for your sake quit for your family's sake.

Where there is a will there is a way.

Warm regards
Roopa.

Kamalji,
I don't know what to write....
Great dad of yours understanding his son..

old habits die hard...but why can't we try to change little by little...have a goal like I am going to use only n number of that today and no more..lessen it day by day...
set your goal which is achievable by you and get it done...

As for your family's sake and for the IL family's sake....quit from it...it is a weakness..
don't let others know your weakness...otherwise they will take a ride....
and also make sure you come out of that weakness...

sriniketan

Kamalji.. A very nice writeup. I love the way you described your dad and your relationship with him. Sure you are very lucky and God bless your wishes :)

Now coming to smoking.. I hate smoking.. I am very allergic that I would turn pale and start coughing continuously when people smoke around me. I everytime had to walk away or in some cases tell them. Please for your and as well for your family, don't continue this. Frankly speaking, thats nothing to be proud of about it all. You are just not only spoiling your health.. but also others.. passive smoking is as dangerous as active smoking. Many don't know that. they just bluntly ask, you are not smoking.. why u care.. So please (million times) let go of this habit..

As someone mentioned here.. think about your family and the only life given to you. Is this how we want to lead it. If you can justify this.. then all the bad illegal things can also be justified in their own twisted minds as well. So lets come clear Take one day at a time. Nowadays you have lots of help like nicotine gum, patch and what not. Try it.. give it a chance. I bet your Dad will be proud of you and your kids too..

Dear Kamalji,

Ur writeup stirred many lost(?) memories.
My dad was a smoker.While everybody at home was always behind him to give up smoking i dont know y but at a v young age itself I somehow knew he could not do that.I remember telling him once, daddy when i grow up and start earning i shall get u a pipe so that u can smoke like the movie stars!

suji

Kamlaji,

well written writeup!!! i enjoy reading all your blogs..
but please please give up smoking............