SnehaPravahini

Manjureddy · Jul 4, 2013

Today, my dear old friend Cheeniya made me cry.

Last week I had visited a niece, a new mother . We got to talking about the miracle of life , how each new life, be it a blade of grass or a baby , is an affirmation of Hope . And how life abounds in miracles, the gift of angels ( some wrinkles in the fabric of her life just got ironed out by Baby's arrival). As an epilogue to that little chat, she mailed me three links, insisting i read them . One was an interview with Rhonda Byrne , another was an excerpt from " Old Path White Clouds" by Thich Nhat Hanh , and one was Srama's lovely article on everyday miracles . When I read Srama's engaging narration, i related to it , loved it, and felt it would be uncharitable of me if i dint say at least a word to the writer. I dint expect Cheeniya to address me there, ensnaring me with his lavish show of warmth. Reading his post, something broke inside me. Some kind of reserve, my ego perhaps, a barrier , self imposed by foolishness. How could i not cry ?

I cringe now at the thought of how utterly taciturn, uncaring and undeniably stupid i had been in choosing to run away from what was ,for about three years ,my virtual home, my community, my family. This IL ! Memories of the closeknit bonds we all shared come flooding now..... Chitra, Kamla, Vidya, Vandana, Satya, Sunkan, Shanthi, Pushpavalli, Varloo, Sudha, Malathijagan, ....oh my god, i am missing count and names ; plenty others ; the ribbing, the skirmishes, the support, the ganging-up, the sharing, the caring, the LOVE ! Where else but here, did I reap a bounty far richer than what I had invested ! How much more refined in real life I became, after the insights gleaned here !
Yet, i walked out of this home one fine day , dropping everything, in a pique of sorts, determined to be expatriated forever. Only, Forever dint turn out to be forever, as I discovered this past week. Anthony Doerr, in his book Memory Wall has this to say about childhood. " You bury your childhood here and there. It waits for you all your life to come back and dig it up." Doesn't the same apply to all pleasant past experiences ? i guess we can vacuum-pack them and put them away in a dusty attic, but can never completely wash them off . Because we are products of our experiences, the very blood is enriched by them , especially the happy ones , and its not in our power to disown a part of ourselves, all our bravado notwithstanding.

To be honest, when i left IL , i had no withdrawal traumas, because i proudly believed myself to be strong and courageous enough to kick a "bad habit." I was brash then, with a personality that wore its prickly , jagged edges as a mark of honour . I survived. Much happened after that to engulf me and lessons in life were given in measured , often unpalatable , doses. I realise now what friendship ( even virtual friendship with all its inherent potential for illusion and deceit ) can mean to the soul in times of spiritual drought . There were times I craved for a non -judgemental shoulder to lean on, but had none. Because I had thrown away a treasure I had. They say blessings are given abundantly, but only the wise can harvest them. I was unwise.

This too seems a miracle to me. That I got a chance to come home, to regret my former brashness ,to overcome my reservations and to thank my old family for being so generous in embracing me again.

Long years ago, when I completed schooling, a dear classmate wrote a beautiful little verse , from a kannada folk song, in my autograph book .I still treasure it. Here's a translation. One word is left untranslated, its untranslatable. But speakers of any indian language can easily grasp the word's essence:

Soft as a lullaby in a bubbling brook

wild as a goblin's dance

in the rocky, flooding river;

seen here, unseen there,

enchanting here, fearsome there;

You are many, you are also one

You are This, you are also That

Changing ever, yet the same,

Whatever you be,
SnehaPravaahini,

you will forever live in me.

rgsrinivasan · Jul 4, 2013

Lovely snippet ManjuReddy. Made me quite happy after reading. Especially this line - "we are products of our experiences, the very blood is enriched by them , especially the happy ones , and its not in our power to disown a part of ourselves, all our bravado notwithstanding". How true! Thanks. And just to add - Welcome back! - from a newbie who is learning to walk with support here! -rgs

Srama · Jul 4, 2013

Dear Manju,

a hearty welcome back to IL! I have read you, mostly in Cheeniya sir's ramblings. So you are familiar in a sort of a way. I will be lying if I did not say that I feel elated that you comeback to IL is with a thread of mine! It is an honor and a miracle in it's own way. I have come to know Cheeniya sir well in the recent past and he has always spoken very fondly of you and the people you have mentioned. I am glad he is active making new comers feel welcome, old ILs to continue to stay and for others to return only to see the warmth is still intact! He has in many ways been a pillar here!

We all make choices based on what works best for us at that point in time - you know it and I don't have to tell you that! I am personally pleased on your return for reading your snippet, I feel I am learning already starting with the books that you have listed. I agree, we need this virtual world to escape that real world for a brief period to lean on a non judgemental shoulder and come away stronger to deal with our day to day issues. I am glad to have an out let here and when it is received with appreciation, well like you I feel teary eyed and feel a purpose!

I do sincerely hope you will continue to stay and write. Look forward to reading more from you!

Cheeniya · Jul 4, 2013

My dear Manju
Men don't cry. They don't even feel strongly. If they are moved, they don't exhibit it. They think that being strong is being emotionless. Men this, men that, oh, I can talk about it for hours! But then I have never felt shy of admitting that, like Ardhanareeswara, I am only half-man. I have the same composition of head and heart as Thayumanavan (The man who is a mother too). Does all this explain why my eyes started behaving like a perennial spring of the Himalayas when I sighted this thread of yours? And what a title to start your second innings here, SnehaPravahini! I feel as if it is my second innings too here.

I don’t even want to think of the day when you decided to leave us abruptly. I had so much faith in the rationale behind your decision that I did not want to ask you anything about it. But I knew for certain that the same rationale would help you reverse your decision and bring you back to us one day. Nothing is irreversible in life assuming that one has a heart large enough to admit it and I knew that you would reverse your decision someday. I also knew that all the love and affection that we showered on you would not go unrewarded. Your come-back is a far greater reward than I ever imagined. Thanking you for this would be very pedestrian.

Right now I am feeling far too overwhelmed. I do hope that the intervening years have had no deleterious effect on your sense of humour and writing skill. Oh, what a silly statement this is to make! That sense of humour and skill of expression are not something that you acquired during your association with us. They are in your blood. Why would they lose their sheen merely because you were away from IL for a while?

I’ll now stand aside and watch the genius in action.
Sri

satchitananda · Jul 4, 2013

Dear Manjureddy,

Let me be honest and admit right at the outset that this is the first time I am reading you. But I have heard your name mentioned by Cheeniya sir before. So curiosity made me went and read your response in Sabitha's thread and then Cheeniya sir's response to that and his response here too.

Your post here touched me straight where it was meant to. The warmth and the honesty with which you have written is something very singular. Am really happy to see you here and to know that we have a very good writer back in our midst. Looking forward to reading a lot more from you. :-D

BTW I also found it very interesting to see that we share my hometown in common. :-D

iyerviji · Jul 4, 2013

Manju dear a warm welcome to you. Your old friends are happy to see you here . I have also read your posts in Cheeniya Sir's Ramblings. Snehapravahini very touching tittle and the post too. Anxiously waiting to read more of your posts.

Viswamitra · Jul 4, 2013

Dear Manjureddy,

What a remarkable post especially after taking a sabbatical. I am relatively a new kid on the block but what an experience it has been interacting with such wonderful friends in this forum. To list what all I learned here is endless. If the life's purpose is to pursue happiness, pleasant experiences that provide happiness will always get encrypted forever in our minds. In my opinion, you have not thrown away the treasure you had and you have stored it safely and took it in your hands when you needed it the most. It is true, communication nurtures the friendship but the true friendship whether it is virtual or otherwise last for life with or without communication. No one here has forgotten you nor you have forgotten anyone here. You always have the non-judgmental shoulders, hands that pat the back, eyes that shed tears and the hearts that melt here in this forum.

This forum is like a mother waiting to hug a child returning home after a long time. Everyone who are here and who had been here have made indelible impression in this forum and in the hearts of the members. Even though I am interacting with you for the first time, I welcome you back and look forward to reading your posts.

Viswa

Kamla · Jul 4, 2013

Dear dear Manjureddy!

Its YOU!! I cannot hide my pleasure at seeing you back in IL. I hope I am not assuming too much when I say 'back in IL' for I hope and pray you stay and enthrall all your fans who so missed you here!

I was just looking through FP to see what's up this morning when I noted your post being nominated there by Viswamitra and of course, Cheeniya sir's response to it. I logged in at once and raced here to read and assure myself that I was not imagining things!

Reading it and reading the responses made me feel as old as Methuselah! Looks like I have been hanging in here for the longest time and even Cheeniya has joined only after me though for me, he has become another name for IL!

Thanks to Sabitha's miraculous post, you were 'dragged' back into IL's folds!
In your own inimitable words you have explained how the charms of IL are undeniable! Explains why I am still here and waiting for twinkiling stars like you to show up again. And you did!

Welcome back Manju!

L, Kamla

BHAVNAM6 · Jul 4, 2013

My dear Manju,

Although I am relatively a new member of this community,I could connect with your lovely emotions for this family tree.Everyone here has made me believe to be their close friend forever.This is the reason your post is so significant for me.And celebration of the welcome party for you by extending warm hands from this family is remarkable.
The admiring words of Cheeniya sir for your sense of humor caught my attention.I did visit your old threads and was captivated by your flawless humor.certainly it was the loss of this community to stay deprived of your sense of humor.I am sure you would leave no efforts undone to amuse us in your forthcoming snippets.

Looking forward to enjoying your friendship forever.

love,
Bhavna

Induslady · Jul 5, 2013

Hi Manjureddy,

Welcome back! I am glad that you chose to come back. I loved how you have expressed your thoughts so well in your come back post. Cheeniya sir was a big fan of yours and he has talked to me so many times about you!

I still remember rolling-on-the-floor laughing at your "Idu Naidu Hall Samacharam" thread and reading it to Jey. Hope you will provide many more of such wonderful writings for this community.

Malathy