Relationships management

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady`s voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband`s pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered with a smile, "Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don`t go out. Telling me interesting stories when
I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person`s character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She
answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It`s like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man`s meat could be another man`s poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey.
Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you
hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing
that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey
and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy`s hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy`s hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I`m sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can`t. Too often we fail to recognise the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is
greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.


A man can fail many times,
but he isn`t a failure
until he begins to blame somebody else.

Dear Roopa,

Thanks for posting these as a collection. I had read a few of them earlier but not all.

Agree on all counts. About exercising "right speech", what you have written is so true. Growing up (and even now) my Mom always told us that words are like arrows, once they come out of your mouth they cannot be taken back no matter what. So always think before you say something to someone, especially when it is bitter or nasty. I can't claim to remember this lesson everytime but I try hard. Of course, I fail many times too.

SS

Hi roopa

Wow! What great post!Enjoyed reading it and love as many things as possible.

Best wishes
Ansh

Hi Roopa

Nice post. These are things which we should always keep in mind and try to adopt in our day to day life.

Cheers
Jay.

A super article .Thanks for posting this.

Yes we all have our shortcomings.I liked the example of the man who said, that bcs of her shortcomings she couldnt find a better person than him.Tht was a classic one.

Regards.kamal

Dear Roopa,

This one takes the cake my friend. A fantastic piece....a good insight into how to turn a marriage into a successful one. this reminds me of an piece i read quite a few years back....a husband and wife were fighting and went to a lawyer for advice and this is the incident he relates to them....a man was driving home late one day. He knows as soon as he goes home, his wife is going to nag him to death, she would not believe that he had extra work in the office..this put him in a bad state of mind...suddenly his car stalls and he finds that he has a bad wheel. He needed a Jack to change it. as he is looking about he spies a old farm house with a light on. He thinks maybe the farmer will help him and sets forth across the farm land. As he is going he feels the farmer may resent his waking him up so late and will shout at him. Immediately he becomes defensive and starts formulating an argument on how his needs was more important. as he nears the farm he had convinced himself that the farmer was waiting to fight with him. He went to the farm house and knocked briskly and when the farmer answered the door. He yelled at the farmer saying he could keep his jack and he needed no help. the farmer was left wondering what happened. thus the lawyer said to the couple in their need to be defensive at most times they forget to listen and to understand each other.

Thus like the incident above...most of the time we develop pre conceived notions on our partner and we forget the basic concept of trust.

A beautiful piece Roopa...keep at it..

warm wishes,

Aqua.

Hey Aqua thats a nice piece that you have mentioned here. It is so true that we are just not ready to listen or understand others and hence so many misunderstandings.

Thanks Kamalji, Jay, Ansh and SS for stepping in.

Roopa.

DearRooa, Something to reflect on. I will use this data when I get the chance. kanaka

Dear roopa,
Very true.The incidents you have quoted really boosted our spirits.About our way of speech ,what you said is totally right.There is a lot of difference in saying the same statement diplomatically and vice versa.
Basically we must try to forgive others which halves our tensions.Happiness is a state of mind.If we want to be happy,happy we are.

Thanks for sharing ....
BC

Roopa,

Indeed a very great read... though provoking...

hmm.. if only everyone can think about all these before jumping the gun ;)

Thanks for sharing