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True Woman

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by arch1209, Feb 28, 2013.

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  1. Feb 28, 2013 #1
    arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    What makes a true woman? According to someone on our forum, a woman that plays the role of a “good daughter” “good wife” and “good mother” qualifies to be a true woman. The writer then goes on to give some concession to women married to “psychopaths” and unable to “bear children because of medical reasons” and says that all other women who are physically health but do not want to bear children are cruel!

    Not to say I disagree with this writer. Rather it angers me that someone could just say a blanket statement like this without understanding the realities of life. I also have a personal grouse with the above statement because I was raised by someone that was neither married nor had children of her own and I think she is a much better person than the one responsible for my existence. I think every mother would agree, that giving birth does not make a mother.

    I think calling unmarried women and women that do not have biological children "not smart" and "cruel" is demeaning not only my mother’s experience but also the experience of millions of women who choose to do something else rather than get married and give birth sometimes of their own will and sometimes because of circumstances. There is nothing wrong in getting married or giving birth, both are honorable deeds, but why judge a woman’s worth by it? Why is it so bad if a woman opts to be single and not become a mother? Also, does a woman become “true” only by her relationship with a man?

    My closest friend, who will turn 36 this year, chose not to get married because she needs to take care of an older brother who has severe mental health defects and a father who is 80-years-old and has borderline dementia. After her mother passed away she has not only financially but also emotionally been there for her family. She is playing the role that traditionally a mother would play to these two men, but according to this writer, she is not a true woman! Because after all she is neither married nor does, she has biological children.

    Sometime ago I had written a snippet about a friend of mine, who was fired because she did not know the art of kissing up and had fallen ill. At 32, she remains unmarried because she had a failed relationship and is yet to meet someone else. Meanwhile her ex married for a big fat dowry and has a daughter and wrote to my friend, asking if there was a potential for an extra marital affair. This friend is a business journalist, a field dominated largely by male writers, and a good one at that. That she supported her mother to go back to school and is the emotional rock of her dad, has not spared the awful comments she receives from family members who think that she is becoming “old and should marry lest she will be unable to bear children.” However, she chooses to stay single, because she has not met someone she likes yet and loves her career more does that make her a lesser woman? I don’t think so.

    There is nothing wrong in women being home-makers or working moms, but why does hell break loose when a woman decides to stay single and focus on her career. I do not think a woman’s worth is decided by virtue of her biologically bearing children, also who and what decides if you are true woman? I am still to understand that concept - yet everyone seems to be throwing that word around as if it is something all women should aspire for....

    I also think that women should possess the right to choose what happens to them and their bodies and whether they want to become mothers biologically or decide to embrace matrimony. To conclude I would like to think that as a culture, we have moved away from the mentality that a woman’s job is only to get married and birth children….
     
    arch1209, Feb 28, 2013
    arch1209, Feb 28, 2013
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  2. Feb 28, 2013 #2
    getstrngth

    getstrngth Gold IL'ite

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    Wonderful post!!! I feel this is true post for Women's day March 8!!!

    I feel women are enemies for women. If a woman is unable to bear child after marriage, other women refer her with different names. First the mentality of women should change. Out of the enitre women population hardly there are 10% thinking ladies. In that also there is only 7% which thinks on both sides of the coin.
     
    getstrngth, Feb 28, 2013
    getstrngth, Feb 28, 2013
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  3. Feb 28, 2013 #3
    Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Good one , Arch :)

    I also think that women should possess the right to choose what happens to them and their bodies and whether they want to become mothers biologically or decide to embrace matrimony.

    very true and most importantly not care what others say to their decision.Because what others say is sadly not going to change for many more years to come..
     
    Mindian, Feb 28, 2013
    Mindian, Feb 28, 2013
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  4. Feb 28, 2013 #4
    Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Woman, the most discussed, the most commented on yet we have never been able to define woman as should be done. sometimes it is about gender, sometimes it is about her stats, and sometimes about being just opposite of man. and once i have even read it is just a V**na and b*** and oh, boy i almost cried that day to read that.

    Coming to mother, you are one, even without giving birth and i have talked about this aspect many a times. there are ones who give birth but do not have what it takes to be a mother. so the balance is cruelly shifted by nature. sometimes i wonder, why the ones who do not need get many, while one who longs for one baby suffers for long..

    Woman today have choices and whatever choice is been made is hers, and i feel we have to respect the choice, because at the end, it is she who is going to reap the fruits of that choice.

    I really liked the spunk in this ad for nike from andrea in 2010 (i had to use google to get it,because it is few years old, it was an ad, that was part of a drive to tell woman to accept and love how they look...but just scroll down the page and the first comment is so @#$#@$#.

    Inside Andrea's Mind: New Nike "My Butt is Big" Ad


    Survival technique workshop is the ad banner that is flying/floating across my place. and i am ashamed that we need a workshop for this, when every woman could be a teacher, could make the son, the man in their family realise and understand womanhood better, respect her and not look at her as just XXX symbol.

    Well the true woman surfaces in everyone of us, when we realise ourselves. good post arch..and me joining you applauding all those woman who have it in them, and who are WOMAN and do not need a definition, a adjective to mark their being true woman.
    here is a :thumbsup for the woman in this video..let us celebrate..
    Nike’s Must-See, Tear-Jerker Ad Celebrates Title IX’s 40th Anniversary [VIDEO] | The Jane Dough

    Celebrating the essence of woman - Blogs - IndusLadies
    Celebrating the woman of substance. - Blogs - IndusLadies

    P.S. since your pen/mouse is mightier (i meant the journalist/writer in you dear) maybe you should contribute a page here too. International Women's Day 2013
     
    Shanvy, Feb 28, 2013
    Shanvy, Feb 28, 2013
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  5. Feb 28, 2013 #5
    alekya1

    alekya1 Gold IL'ite

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    Arch, good one!!

    "Why is it so bad if a woman opts to be single and not become a mother?"
    exactly, why? Women have different set of reasons to enter the institution of a marriage. If those are not met, then they choose to be single. They are either single 'by choice', or for 'lack of choice'.

    "Does a woman become “true” only by her relationship with a man?"
    There shall be no need of raising this question, if we first seek and understand the answer for this, "does woman need a man only to meet her (say biological) needs in a relationship?" I think, No. She does not need a man in a biological sense or also in a social sense (that is, in the home and in the smaller community). Not that because man can build, defend and provide for woman. Not because of anything that he DOES, rather how he makes her FEEL,, how he treats her. This could be one of the actual reasons why would some women stay single until she finds such a man. Also, this would be the same reason for some single men out there as well. Hence, the fact is men and women are interdependent in a relationship.
     
    alekya1, Feb 28, 2013
    alekya1, Feb 28, 2013
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  6. Feb 28, 2013 #6
    ddraj

    ddraj Senior IL'ite

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    Last edited: Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
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  7. Feb 28, 2013 #7
    alekya1

    alekya1 Gold IL'ite

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    alekya1, Feb 28, 2013
    alekya1, Feb 28, 2013
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  8. Feb 28, 2013 #8
    ddraj

    ddraj Senior IL'ite

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    Friend in need is friend indeed!!
    Alekya before commenting on my post You should have gone and read why an ILite wrote that comment and Arch1209's comment came after that.In that thread the other guy was not very wrong in describing woman but why is it that ILites pick up just one half of the comment and start doing postmortems...in this case start another thread altogether.

    And about a true woman it occurs to me today that as a culture we really have no hope of answering the question" who is a true woman". After all, we have trouble defining a woman, not to mention a true woman.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
    #8
  9. Feb 28, 2013 #9
    Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Ddraj
    This is not considered as a duplicate thread, that thread is been started by Dinny, and Arch has just given a FB there if she has included those same points here from her FB we cannot consider this thread as duplicate thread.

     
    Arunarc, Feb 28, 2013
    Arunarc, Feb 28, 2013
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  10. Feb 28, 2013 #10
    ddraj

    ddraj Senior IL'ite

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    But the exact same words kill me.But thank god atleast you had done some homework before posting.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
    ddraj, Feb 28, 2013
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