Walking Stick

ambika04 · Sep 22, 2012

[JUSTIFY]As if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain...
No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart - Billy Collins about old age.

As I walk through the narrow lane a yellow flower tree branch rub my shoulders. When we see something it reminds us of someone. My maternal grandfather used to pluck yellow flowers & he used to give me buds which I used to hit in my forehead & that sound used to amuse us. We both used to flash smiles & we never had any other conversation. Now my eyes look down to see the mark of his walking stick & the Tak Tak sound that I liked when he used it on tar roads. Though he is no more still my eyes search for the hands that plucked yellow flowers for me & the marks of the walking stick.

My mind resists the fact that the dear ones who loved me once have grown too old. I wanted to jerk few of them until they say they know me very well. Whose fault it is? I wish my eye erases the present picture of seeing them waiting in the death bed. As a child I enjoyed their food, pampering I received. Once plaited hair with jasmine flower are now unaided, lengthy nails, cots preventing falls with a bed pan underneath,fragile voice,frantic looks,tablets all around welcome me.

My heart says visit all the dear ones whom you loved but my mind doesn’t want to get into the remorse state after seeing them. I just don’t have the strength to see them that way. I hide my tears & walk into the corner room mostly allotted for elders. Their kith & kin explain me in details about their aliments while my eyes keep watching the person whom I admired & loved. Most of the ladies hands move from right to the left shoulder repeatedly they assumed that they are still wearing a saree but forgot that they are in night gown. What a dignified soul they must be.

My plans was about to end seeing one last person in my list. I gathered my strength & went to see her. I clutched her hands & she showed gestures to her daughter to bring food for me. I told her daughter that I had food no need anything. For that grannie replied “its ok we have plenty of water you can drink that”.I laughed hearing that as she gave a punch that jolted my joy when I see them. Even after being an octogenarian one could be fun loving, jovial & enthusiastic.Great.

After seeing most of them I wished I become a child again.I took my diary in which I used to write quotes I liked. The below passage is one of my favorite from an unknown author:

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after.[/JUSTIFY]

Kamalji · Sep 22, 2012

Dear Ambika,

A very touching post by u. Yes itis sad to see , the hands that u held once, are withered now, and now u need to give support with ur hand. very sad to see that. We shopuld also know it may be our turn to grow old.Many times, the old person loses interest in life, and is hence listless, he or she has nothing to live for, children dont care, they feel sad etc.

That is why in our old age we must take care to be rich, have a house and bank balance, and lots of friends and hobbies, like writing on indus being one, having ilites as friends, and god willing we wont be ever in such a position as u described, we can always be jolly in our old age eh !

What say Ambika ?

Regards

kamal

periamma · Sep 22, 2012

Ambika my father was hospitalised and i was near him and i remember my Father asking my brother to get curd rice for me .He is in the bed and still taking care of me.I can't control my tears when i am writing this fb.

ambika04 · Sep 22, 2012

Dear Kamalji,

Thank you for the first fb.Yes few old people are invaded by loneliness the root cause for falling mentally sick.I can understand that my turn will also come but I pray I shouldnt be a burden to anybody.About the bank balance,house you got to give me some wicked ideas to get rich.LoL.//we can always be jolly in our old age eh//Im sure you will be & Your grand kids are the lucky ones.I remember my grandpa became blind in his later years & he said all my switches are turning off one by one & one day main switch will also go off.Though tragic to hear such statement I really liked the way he said that with a funny tone.

ambika04 · Sep 22, 2012

Dear Periamma,
My hugs to you.I can understand how you should have felt when your father cared for you.He may not be here but the love he had is still fresh & it comes out in the form of tears.Cheer up for the true spirited soul.

Pallavi4me · Sep 22, 2012

Thats an awesome & touching writeup ambika. Its hard to see them helpless and hurts to the core.

Takecare madam.

iyerviji · Sep 22, 2012

Ambica dear your post is touching and thought provoking and brought memories of my father when he had cancer. He tried allthe ways to cure but those days it was difficult. Since I was at home that time he always wanted me to be his side. Today whatever I am is because of his blessings.

I came here to give the first fb but lo that time only net got disconnected and also wanted to nominate and now I am happy that Pallavi dear has nominated the thread. Your way of narration is superb

Megalife · Sep 22, 2012

Dare Ambika

Awesomely, awesome......so much of love in those lines....I can almost hear the rattle of the stick. I must say that I almost missed this post, had it not been for the nomination made by Pallavi , she always spots the rarest of the gems , thank you Ambika for reminding me of my grandfather and Pallavi for bringing me here.
Mega

Srama · Sep 22, 2012

That indeed is a touching write up Ambika! As bad as it looks, I think there is brighter side too - how amazing is it that they were actually in a position to create those memories for us and it should tell us something. It clearly shows us how to live. In my recent trip, I visited a lot of grand parents - my dad grew up in a big joint family. Anyways there is this grand mother who is bed ridden (paralysis) now but you know every DIL who entered our family then wanted to be like her and that number I tell you is no less than 30 Thankfully all of my GMs other faculties are well, she is 93 - she was super excited to see me and all I could think of was how genuine her affection still is! Eventually Ambika, it will be those good memories that will stay with us, so as hard as it is for you, continue visiting them and get their blessings.

ambika04 · Sep 22, 2012

Dear Pallavi,
Thanks dear for the feedback & for the encouragement by nominating this post.Ya I still can't digest how they are now but we got to face some harsh realities.I hope God gives them the strength to pass on this phase peacefully.
//Takecare madam.//Thanks dear for the warmth & you can call me Ambika.