My Pound of Flesh

You guessed it, revenge, even if it is just to lash out with your hurtful words at the person who hurt you... is it really worth it..

When i was sick, could not move my leg, leave alone walk, because of my spinal degeneration sometime back, one of my FIL's cousin had come home..he saw me, asked me what is the problem...on listening to this...he said "Shanthi, if it was me, I will commit suicide, rather than live such a life"..I was shocked, hurt, angry..there I was managing the show without my husband, near and dear, dragging my leg and cooking and doing things for my children, instead of giving me positive support..he lashed out at my spirit with that comment..

The pathetic part was, the gentleman, had just come out of a cancer, he was using a tubes for all purposes.

There is this very close relative of mine, who called up my daughter to get my doctor's number and has enquired my doctor if I am acting or am I really not well..and now her husband is also incapacitated because of a spinal injury...

This relative of mine is the height, she said you and my daughter both are of the same age, look at my daughter she is healthy as a horse and look at you...I just said nice ..that atleast your daughter is healthy...but last heard her daughter is mentally depressed...

Hey, guys inspite of not being well, I have never gone out to ask for help from anybody..then why do these people hurt me.. Is it a mental satisfaction in the perverted way..

After analysing for a long period, I thought let me take it in the positive spirit...and get ahead..not sitting and crying...and then when I was telling Veda this, he said if you wanted you should have lashed back..and it would have felt better...that let me thinking...would i have really been feeling better..maybe that particular moment, or for a few days..after that the real me would have felt bad...why...because there would have been no difference between me and them..

It reminds me of the story that is told by me to my children..

Once, a sage noticed a scorpion struggling to come out of a flooding river, in order to save its life. He immediately reached for it with his bare hand to save it. The scorpion, however, bit him when he picked it out of water. The sage, in spite of the pain, did not drop the scorpion.

When asked why he did not throw it back in the water when he was bitten, he replied that the scorpion was not separate from him in spite of its different nature. What the scorpion did was natural to it. Its nature was to sting and his nature was to love all beings..and the lesson from this was if it is sting for sting was how to go about it..then there is no difference between the scorpion and the sage.


So, I have just kept quiet, do go out of my way to help them, never ever hinting at how they hurt me...this has helped me look at forgiving them...they may or may not realise that they hurt me but i am letting all the hurt feelings to go...may help me forgive them..Right now, I can look at them without feeling angered about what they said, though it will take time to completely forget (is it ever possible). the moment i forget the resentment that is still there somewhere in my subconsciousness (I am sure.) i will forgive them completely.

In fact my thought process led me to write these few lines here...http://www.indusladies.com/forums/in...-new-post.html.
I am doing no one any favour other than me. Not being able to digest the wrong that a person has done to me is my problem, not his. It is hurting me and not him. (If it hurt him,and he realises, lot of problems would be solved easily right?)

There is a Chinese saying that the one who pursues revenge should dig two graves.

So I feel forgiving them will actually be my pound of flesh......what do you all think....

Dear Shan,

Firstly, I am really sorry for not being there.

Second, As I usually tell you, kutram parkil sutram illai.... Than vinai thannai sudum, ottappam veettai sudum.....

I am really surprised, some of these thing you actually wrote in the post... You chose not to retaliate.... That is a very good gesture from you.... You felt you are hurt and you dont want to hurt the others the same way they have done to you.... That is something great.... It is not easy to follow and it needsa great heart....

Whom so ever has hurt you are actually suffering in the end... without even you saying anything... It reminds me of story from the "Auto Biography of an Yogi"... The mere thoughts will affect the other person... If possible try to forgive them and move forward...

It is very difficult to walk out silently without reacting.... What you have done is great.... I dont know how I would have reacted... These are things which is easily said than practiced... I am happy you are practicing it....

Dear Shaan
I was moved reading your post.You have demonstrated exceptional patience in dealing with ruthless people.
"Is eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" the principle? NO..
but I do believe in making people understand that their statements prick.. so that they will exercise some caution when speaking again.I will surely communicate my displeasure,but subtly without hurting them.

Regards
Sowmya

Dear Shanthi,

I was seething in rage reading your post. Had I been present when your relative uttered those heartless words, I would be behind bars today, for I would have surely murdered those crooks.

Shanthi, I am sure that I am elder to you. (My sister is your namesake and I am a sort of her mentor) And I have seen many a harsh summer in my life. I have had more than my quota of this stabbings, betrayals and back-stabbings. Even recently I was shocked by one of the cruellest betrayals in my life.

I am giving this prelude to establish my credentials to give suggestions to you in this case.

Do everything to protect you. At times to defend yourself you need to engage in offence. Never mind. Do that. But just check your mind every now and then to ensure that there is no intention to harm the wrongdoers.

You are good at praying. Just pray to God that She show a billionth part of Her love to these idiots, so that when they deal with other human beings, a faint reflection of such love will permeate and hug the other person.

Whenever you are in pain or in suffering, just think that you are spritually growing. I have gone through almost all the spiritual literature of the world, including even the Hassidic tradition. In no instance did I find spritual growth without pain and agony. And I am saying these words as much to myself as to you.

Take care. Don't let this heartless animals make you lose faith in human beings. These animals belong to a different specie, not endangered, but endangering.

Ask Veda Vyasan to fly to India for a short visit. It's going to be fine.

Love,

Dear Shan,
I was very pained on reading your post.
Some people just come out with certain statements, without realising how sharp their words are.
Being much, much older to you, I have had many occasions to be at the receiving end of venomous words.It is as though some arrow is piercing you.
But, Shan, that is life & we cannot run away from them nor reply them.
Let me share with you, a few things, I learnt in my energy classes.
Imagine yourself or put yourself in a "triangle" (imaginary) which cannot be pierced by words or people. That very feeling soothes you with the thought that it has not affected you, the person, but only the triangle enclosing you. Imagine it will bounce back to an unknown destination. Do not imagine, it should bounce back to that person, no, no no.
The next moment, bless them whole heartedly. Shan, it is not easy, infact far from easy; but it is the best habit to cultivate. It soothes you so much & surprisingly, the person repents for his or her words.
"forgive and forget" are more easily said than done. Unconditional acceptance is one thing that helps us come out of unpleasant situations.
My favourite Thirukural is
" Inna seytharai"- I am sure you know it. Practising it gives us such a feeling of goodwill towards such kind of people.Thank God for helping you practise tolerance in an adverse situation.
Love,
Chithra.

Dear Mam,
Don't worry at all. There are people to hurt more than to help out. It is not a necessity on our side to prove that they are wrong. GOD is there. We will be what we are. You just ignore whatever they say, i know it will hurt, but by taking seriously about those useless remarks it will hurt our health more. Like they say ubagarathukku illainalum ubathravukku neraya per irukkanga. My husband used to say when people pass such useless comments, thinkk they are mad or say MIRROR within your heart i.e.i reflects back to the person who tells.
So don't worry about those mosquito remarks.
Take care and you are going to come to your normal position soon.I will pray to GOD for your speedy recovery.
Luv,
Presci

Hi Shanti,
My God!! that is an awful way to react when someone is sick.When you are fighting a tough battle alone, considering the fact that you were sick and Veda is not around, thah man must have shut his mouth.I am seething with nanger at the memory of something similar a visitor said when my dad was unwell. He came to me not to console but to say ' Be ready to sign from now on , you need to taek over when he dies'. I said God alone knows who will die earlier. He kind of got it that I meant him, He said I will get all the relatives to see him for the last time. Call whomever you want, now itself from outstation so that it is not too late.
This is just to pacify you and tell you that there are people only to hurt you and not to stand by you when you are unwell. Keep handling it the way you have.
Waste of time and effort to talk back to them.

dear shanvy
there are some people in the world who feel happy inflicting pain on others.
they do it on purpose.
just as u said this world is filled with all poisonous creatures like scorpions,snakes etc.
do we not liv with them.
the relatives u said r these creatures donning the human garb.
nowadays i play a lil game.
if somebody unusually hurts me with words i giv them a char with their resp animal name.
i try to imagine them in that animals form.
then it becoms hilarious.
then even if that person pouts venom,my imagination lets me hav a good laugh at that rat or cheetah or snake.
try it ,it will sure lighten u up.
forgiv and ignore them.
avanga avanga anubavicha thane purinjipanga.
luv
kripa

Dear Shanthi
In forgiving the offender, you have stood by our Dharma. The fruits of such good deeds will await you. Forgiveness, like Charity, attains greater strength if left unspoken. The power of forgiving is mentioned in the Mahabharata thus:

From The Mahabharata
Udyoga Parva Section XXXIII
Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli
Yudhishtra tells Draupathi
"O beautiful one, one should forgive under every injury. It has been said that the continuation of species is due to man being forgiving. He, indeed, is a wise and excellent person who has conquered his wrath and shows forgiveness even when insulted, oppressed, and angered by a strong person. The man of power who controls his wrath, has (for his enjoyment) numerous everlasting regions; while he that is angry, is called foolish, and meets with destruction both in this and the other world."


Addressing Dhritarashtra
Vidura says: There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong. Forgiveness subdues (all) in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve? What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless ground is extinguished of itself. And unforgiving individual defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness.

Sri

Dear Shanthi,

Your post is really a thought provoking one! The 'forget & forgive' concept is really a critical topic. It is a very difficult act for one to carry out! And you are trying to do it...I really appreciate your inner strength & confidence! I too like you faced/facing many characters with spiteful tongue. Well, I just wish & pray to God that knowingly or unknowingly I should never hurt anybody especially when they're in distress.
Who knows...things may take a U-turn.