Life after the breadwinner

[JUSTIFY]It is very common in Indian tradition not to discuss death as a possibility. Some believe that it brings bad luck to the family while others believe that this thought might result in death. The scriptures taught us that the only way one could try to achieve immortality are by learning the effect of sickness/old age/death. The fear of death is the strongest of many fears we have in our lives. Hence many times, people end up avoiding topics relating to death and that reluctance causes significant effect in those families after the departure of the breadwinner. It is difficult to understand that no one is born to last forever. We attend funerals of our friends and relatives and cry for losing their love when we know full well that we are not going to be here forever either. Many writers in this forum have written excellent snippets informing us how bravely they faced near death situations and I have nothing but admiration for those wonderful souls. They are big inspiration for me to overcome my fear of death. There is one snippet that described how the author invited the God of death into his drawing room.

But this post is intended to make inroads into preparations to leave this beautiful planet earth. My Guru used to tell very often in the discourses that if we like to eliminate the pain of death, we need to avoid being born in the first place by aspiring to achieve immortality. Assuming that it is not one life effort except for a few blessed souls, at least, we can make a concerted effort to make life easier for someone who is dependent on us to lead a peaceful life on our unexpected departure. All these philosophical discussions are not to teach how to conquer the fear of death but to address practical aspects of life.

In the US, a woman who met with an accident stayed in vegetative state for nearly 10 years. The husband took a decision to take her off of the life support system while the parents objected to it in a court. While husband argued his wife never wanted to live that way, the parents suggested that she was never a quitter. Finally, a judge decided the case in favor of the husband allowing to pull the plug of his wife and let her leave the world gracefully. When my wife and I discussed this situation, we both told each other that if anything were to happen to any one of us resulting in that state of health, each other should decide to pull the plug and that would be considered as an act of love rather than prolonging the life forever.

We also wrote a will several years back that if anything were to happen to me, all my wealth will devolve to my wife and if anything were to happen to my wife and me together or if we leave in succession, the wealth will devolve to my only son (who was minor at that time). I have personally taken enough life insurance to make sure that there will not be any drop in the standard of living of my family, if something were to happen to me. We have appointed a lawyer who would administer the will by probating it. Since my son was a minor at that time, we approached three of our friends to appoint them as a) academic mentor, b) foster parents and c) trustee of the estate to provide proper guidance for managing the wealth of the minor son.

By God’s grace, my son is now 23 year old and has reached an age where he could make independent decisions. Again, by God’s grace, we are still here to provide him physical, emotional and intellectual support to him in his life changing decisions. But there are some families who are not fortunate. I wrote a snippet a few months back about one of my colleagues leaving suddenly letting his wife to courageously take his position to support her two wonderful children. He didn’t even take a life insurance to cover his mortgage for his house and the wife had to pay the mortgage every month out of her income to continue to live in their house. She not only did it but is now educating one child in the college while the other is about to finish school. All I am trying to convey through this post is not to be afraid of planning the future without the breadwinner of the family. It is important to shower love to my family everyday when I am alive and part of it includes my ability to ensure a safe and secured life in my absence.[/JUSTIFY]

 

Dear Pallavi,

Thank you for your nice comment. No one dies by writing a will. It only streamlines thoughts in our mind as to how much more we need to do to secure our family. At least for getting those thoughts going, we need to begin this process.

Viswa

 

Dear Freddycat,

As long as it helps in life, following the information shared among the group, is perfectly fine. It triggers thoughts that never occurred to us. I have not read that book and definitely looking forward to reading it as it had that powerful impact in you for days.

I am so happy to know that you planned the future many years ago. I like the concept of what we call in our field as "Zero based budgeting" which means there is no funds available as of today and how we build a business or a new concept from the scratch as though we will have to find funds as and when the plan materializes.

The life has to be taken that way. We have to assume that today is the last day and see what would be the impact on the lives of our loved ones. Then, every day from now on will be a pleasant surprise and bonus.

Viswa

 

Dear Balajee,

That is why the wise laugh at people crying in front of the dead person stating, "The one who is going to die tomorrow is crying for the dead today". I am not sure whether the place we go after death is a better place or not, we can make our loved ones' life a better after we leave. After all making others happy is the greatest of all happiness in the world.

A friend of mine went all the way to India to mix the ashes of his mom in Ganges. When she visited the US, he left her in an old age care center as he and his wife did not have time to take care of her. She actually died in that old age care center. In my opinion, if she is a wonderful person, she would live in the memories of her children forever. I am not a big believer of such rites. If I were him, I would rather spend the time and money to help old aged people in need instead of going to India.

Viswa