[smileAlways]

As Another valentines day goes by, I was going home as usual. When I walked towards the subway station, I could see men in suits as well as casuals, are waiting at the doors of buildings with bouquets of red roses. They were waiting for their valentines to present their love roses in surprise, when they are out from work. ,I could see women and men coming with a bouquet of flowers or Godiva chocolates goody bag or some nicely decorated goody bag. People were walking hurridly towards the train station. And the side walks were little more crowded than usual. I am an early bird to the office and home . So that there wont be any delays in the transit and I can avoid the morning/evening rush. I could not see any Indians in any of the groups. You cannot say Indians are like coconut in the "puttu" here. The city where I am in, have one of the most diverse demographics in US. Whites, Afro Americans, Chinese, koreans, Russians, Japanese, Indians; list goes on. I know Indian men never want to waste their " valuable time" waiting for their wives or going home early to have a nice evening with family. They would rather fix a bug in the legacy code which nobody can understand or will finish some work so that they can have more tomorrow.

I asked one of my american colleagues on the morning, if women give gifts to men on V'day always as men do. He said its mostly men who are giving gifts to their lover and wife. It's more like taker to giver(one who is putting more in a relationship), where men compensates his mistakes of a year to his wife/lover.

We all know in American society, if women are emotionally not satisfied, they are daring to seek divorce. So it makes sense where husband wants to apologies and compensate. On the other hand, all our men are secured in the marriage. Everyone knows his wife will be a hutch dog unless he physically abuse her badly or do something seriously wrong. A women coming out of marriage due to emotional unhappiness is considered ridiculous in India. So Valentine's day is not on their list. It's not that they are afraid of shivsena. What more shivsena people can do other than getting them married that they already did.

PS: I am not a V'day supporter or anything. Just inspired by some threads of marriage forum in IL

[Pallavi4me]

Well written Piece and I agree with you to this..

A women coming out of marriage due to emotional unhappiness is considered ridiculous in India. So Valentine's day is not on their list. It's not that they are afraid of shivsena. What more shivsena people can do other than getting them married that they already did.

[haagesummane]

very good thought smilealways ji..!!!

[priya4prabhu]

wow well thought about it...

[Megalife]

Dear smileAlways
A good take on valentines day.....but let me share another side of the coin...

They would rather fix a bug in the legacy code which nobody can understand or will finish some work so that they can have more tomorro

I am married to a great guy, he is a cent per cent family man,he slogs like a donkey to see that we always are well provided! People might label him as a workholic but i would call him a family man. But he doesn't open the door of the car for me, nor says "after you" when the lift opens. But when he travels world wide, meets and greets males/females in all walks of life, I can be be assured a part of him is still back home...thinking of us.
I myself am lame at a display of affection......so personally we both are comfortable with our approaches.
Whereas I have a friend, her Dh always gifts her flowers/chocolates etc. at the drop of a hat....great great...but the other day her son (a clever) guy backed out from sitting for an optional French external saying that "my parents said not to do it because if you do badly it's going to be a waste of money" (USD 150!)!!!.... on the contrary my DH's purse is ever open for the kids to join any outdoor sports/extracurricular /curricular activity. I donot even have to ask him before opening his purse, and he wouldn't even bother to ask me what I did with the money, so I happily gift myself things better than flowers and chocolate......lol
It is all about priorities.....and about emotional bonding. If the emotional bond is strong you do not need a special day, special time or a gift to make you smile.
Nevertheless you have a valid point when you say some of our Indian men take their wives for granted/doormat.........that's not because they are Indian men, it's because they are notoriously insecure...and fail to be GENTLEMEN!
Mega

[Pallavi4me]

Dear smileAlways
A good take on valentines day.....but let me share another side of the coin...
I am married to a great guy, he is a cent per cent family man,he slogs like a donkey to see that we always are well provided! People might label him as a workholic but i would call him a family man. But he doesn't open the door of the car for me, nor says "after you" when the lift opens. But when he travels world wide, meets and greets males/females in all walks of life, I can be be assured a part of him is still back home...thinking of us.
I myself am lame at a display of affection......so personally we both are comfortable with our approaches.
Whereas I have a friend, her Dh always gifts her flowers/chocolates etc. at the drop of a hat....great great...but the other day her son (a clever) guy backed out from sitting for an optional French external saying that my parents said not to do it because if you do badly it's going to be a waste of money (USD 150!)!!!.... on the contrary my DH's purse is ever open for the kids to join any outdoor sports/extracurricular /curricular activity. I donot even have to ask him before opening his purse, and he wouldn't even bother to ask me what I did with the money, so I happily gift myself things better than flowers and chocolate......lol
It is all about priorities.....and about emotional bonding. If the emotional bond is strong you do not need a special day, special time or a gift to make you smile.
Nevertheless you have a valid point when you say some of our Indian men take their wives for granted/doormat.........that's not because they are Indian men, it's because they are notoriously insecure...and fail to be GENTLEMEN!
Mega

Megalife, i'm impressed with your fb.. you have made valid points....

[knbg]

Hi Smilealways.....

A nice perspective......enjoyed the post dear....

May be, the yard-stick is different for us.....

We feel emotionally satisfied,

with a caring....."How was your day?".....
with a helping hand during the cleaning-up and Poojas....
with a comforting massage and hot coffee on a tired evening.....
with an occasional dinner cooked by him....
with some solid gift, of utility value like an i-pad, i-phone rather than flowers...

[smileAlways]

Well written Piece and I agree with you to this..

Thanks pallavi for your feedback.

[smileAlways]

very good thought smilealways ji..!!!

Thanks haagesummane !!!!

[smileAlways]

Hi Mega,
I have read many of your superb posts and thanks for stepping in here. I agree with your point.

It is all about emotional bonding. If the emotional bond is strong you do not need a special day, special time or a gift to make you smile.

It's nice to know that you guys have a great relationship.We also hardly celebrate V'day , B'day or wedding anniversary by giving gifts/cutting the cake. We both think its not a big deal to celebrate all these. It's not required to show each other that " I care for you" when it is well understood and shown in every step. I am sure he will bring the cake/gifts if I asks. I am not against celebrating these by giving surprise gifts/cutting cake if any one of you do. I am sure it will be another icing on the cake of life.

But I guess most of the womenfolks here wish to celebrate(this is the picture I got from the marriage forum) either due to social pressure or they really wants that kind of love (may be due to less emotional bonding) or they don't have the money/financial freedom to gift themselves as you said.

he wouldn't even bother to ask some what I did with the money, so I happily gift myself things better than flowers and chocolate

They would rather fix a bug in the legacy code which nobody can understand or will finish some work so that they can have more tomorrow

Keeping aside the V'day topic, I think many (atleast the software guys i have seen) are taking family time granted. Work is the first priority. Family is their last. We can't blame them. We all are brought up in such a way that academic/career excellence is the greatest thing in life. Kids are provided their food in the study room so that they don't waste time by coming to the dining room. So When they become adults, these things are hard wired into their minds. A man's success is defined by his career achievements even if he has a broken family. Nobody knows how much slogging is enough. Even we wives think its ok to work till midnight as long as we can go higher in the corporate ladder. In my opinion quantity of quality time matters with the spouses to understand each other better (this can be one of the reason why divorces are high in IT couple) and lead a happy life.