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Sacrifices are for what????

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Tugga, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Off late, I realized how difficult my life is.. It is the life that is becoming difficult or it is my attitude that makes things difficult... I still can not figure this out.

    I have always been taught that I should love, should express the love so the other person would feel better.. and hence there wont be any issues in life.
    My parents, grand parents and the nuns who disciplined me during School days had the same opinion, hence I accepted it as my mantra for a personalized life style.

    I still remember, when i was too young and had a fight with my brother for a toy, my mother advised me to let it go... She said being an elder sister, i am bound to make my other siblings happy, hence I used to make sure that my brother and sister have enough toys to play and learnt to make myself happy by seeing their happiness.

    Though I am just 1 year older to my brother and 3 years to my sister, I showed so much maturity as an elder sister at the very young stage. I was so caring, over protective of my siblings and became a very good friend of my mother by sharing her role/job into my shoulder.

    As time passed, I noticed that my mother has so much expectation on me despite the fact that I am still a young child. So, I managed to behave like a matured girl by forgetting all my childish plays.

    As a woman, my mother was unable to achieve what she wanted in her life, hence she kind of forced me to accomplish all the targets that she was unable to do. But all of them with a very good intention that is her daughter should be settle in her life on her own unlike her.

    She made sure that I pursue my higher education in France and that too in French. She made sure that I study well, find a job at the fist interview that I face, and earn enough to stand on my own.
    She was the only secret of my success as she was behind me whenever I needed a shoulder.
    Also she had taken a few extra steps to bring me here, that I need to be thankful always.

    Forgot to mention about my dad... Who used to be my mother's best friend. He seldom says NO to my mother, hence all the in house decisions were made by my mother.

    Though I reached to a point where every women would like to be there, I can not say I am happy here. I always remember the School days where I couldn't play tennis, mingle with my dear friends. The college days, where I could not spend like other students those belong to my social group. The dress I wanted to wear, the hair cut that I wanted to have and so much...Sometimes I feel like I sacrificed so much to come up, and still sacrificing the same. I did it because I felt it is the right way and I am doing it because I do feel the same till now. But.... the happiness that you are suppose to get after a sacrifice is missing here.. It feels like I am compelled to sacrifice because I made it as a pattern and people around me expect it from me no matter what.

    On the other hand, my siblings had a easy ride, rather a free ride in their life. No one bothered what Tugga's brother studies or what Tugga's sister wears. Because everyone at home was so much concentrate on me as their eldest daughter, and was so happy about the way I behaved, the good reputation I bought home, thus they rested their expectations from that point.

    They rather made it worse by repeatedly mentioning it to their young children (including my siblings) that "see how tugga is behaving... See how she is studying, listening to her mom, dressing in decent way, so you too need to follow her". Its kind of emotional lock, that you have no ways, but to continue the same as they have so much respect on you.

    What about my inner feelings then? Sometimes I felt so empty at heart, but still maintained a happy face to make sure that my people are happy.

    But this behavior of mine made my life more difficult when there was a time for me to enter into relationships. I met my husband, fall in love with him, and wanted to marry him despite the fact that he doesnt suit to my set of people nor do i with his people. But my family agreed to me regardless of their reservations in this regard. They always thought Tugga wont do mistakes, if she believes in him, then he must be a nice guy. This is what exactly my uncle has told my mom during a family discussion about my marriage.

    Here we go............. I end up falling into a great mess in the name of marriage. I still maintained the smile to make sure that my family is happy. I still had confidence in my choice, because they all have boosted me by saying that you are right... Your choice is right... It could be that i didnt want to admit that I was wrong in front of everyone OR I believed that I cant be wrong, hence the situation will change.

    I still followed the same advise that my mom and nun's have offered when I was a child... I showed sympathy, supported, and sacrificed. I made sure that my happiness is always depend on the people's comforts. (like giving up my toys to my siblings and see the happiness in their face) Hence I decided to make my husband comfortable with my at the cost of sacrificing my basic expectations and felt happy by seeing him happy.

    My siblings and my family have took my sacrifices positively, hence they take a few extra steps to provide me all the comforts and warmth that I need. My colleagues and friends understood my sacrifices and hence supported me when and where it is possible.

    BUT my husband, for whom I sacrificed the most didnt understand it at all... Rather he thinks I am bound to sacrifice my life for him.. and if I could sacrifice at the beginning, then why cant I continue the same now?
    Its has become like a pattern that you sacrifice and I enjoy... You must sacrifice to make me enjoy else you will lose all the happiness.

    I can list 100s and 1000s of sacrifices that I made for everyone, but at the end of the day I dont know whether I get any extra attention from them which others (The one who never sacrificed) used to get. Because my family too pay the same attention to my cousins and siblings, but they barely sacrificed their lives for others.

    Time passed, and I became pregnant... Carrying a child need so much sacrifices from a mother, and then having him on our hands is not something easy.... Here I felt like I sacrificed a lottt than I was before, but this time I dont feel like complaining... I dont even remember what is that I exactly sacrificed for my son... Seems nothing.. Because I did it with love, and not by force.
    Here I got so much recognition for everything I did for my child. He is showing a special love to me that no one else gets till date. Though he is with my mom almost all the time, he laughs with excess happiness when he sees my car at the gate. Isnt it worth your sacrifices?

    Lesson learnt: Do not sacrifice your life just because you are expected to do so, or to see others happy. It is your life, at the end of the day, you need to be happy to live further.
    But do sacrifice everything for those you feel you need to... and do it whole heartedly... Here you wont regret for the loss, rather you will be recognized as it might have made wonders in someone's life.
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    wonderful lesson learnt tugga... and your snippet is worth reading for this lesson of yours..
     
  3. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,
    Well said, as i told you, that you have always picked up the broken pieces of your life and now its your turn to stop sacrificing and start thinking about yourself and your child, be a bit selfish. I wouldn't hurt and tell every one around you to stop having expectations from you.
    Keep your chin up.
    love
    alpa:cheers

     
  4. pranatim

    pranatim Platinum IL'ite

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    As I was reading through your lines I got tears in my eyes. These are all lessons in life and as we grow we learn more. Your sons smile his happiness is the best asset for you in the whole world. God bless you.
     
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  5. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    I can relate many of the things you mentioned....I was also the eldest in the family. Lot of expectations from the first child....all the ambitions parents could not fulfill for themselves expect it from the eldest one.....at any age5,8,10,15....always she has to be the responsible and mature one. After sometime everyone takes them for granted....including husband. May your child give you all the happiness you need.
     
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  6. aparnag

    aparnag Platinum IL'ite

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    You got tears to my eyes dear..
    may god bless you and your son.. be happy atleast after this!!!
     
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  7. smileAlways

    smileAlways Gold IL'ite

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    Well said tugga...Must read for those living upto other's expectation, forgetting themselves, only to know that they have taken for granted by others. We must know to set the right expectation from the beginning in every relationship. Otherwise people will expect the same always and failing their expectation will be the greatest crime in their eyes.
     
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  8. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone:) I just felt so down yesterday and wanted to vent out... Feel much relaxed today:)
     
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  9. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    God bless U. I am the youngest in my family but had cousins younger to me and I too used to find happiness in seeing them win. I can relate to most of the topics in ur post. Take care.
     

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