Why this difference?

Dear Charu, Thank you for your comments. Of course, the dead are alive in our memories.

Thanks for startin this thread, Sujatha!
Read all the responses, which to me, is acceptable!
I don't want to pen my ideas, because those are already penned here!

Regarding Meeta's explanation relating to financial and scienific side is interesting and also new!

sriniketan

Very interesting topic Sujatha! I didnt even know that there are girls who are not allowed to show their grief in our Indian society. All this while, whenever there has been a death amongst the people I know, they have not celebrated any festival etc for 1 yr regardless of whether its the husband's or wife's side. That is the impression I had..guess I was wrong..

Meeta: Your views were indeed interesting and logical. But it still does not explain why a custom that would have made sense centuries ago is still practiced now. And I very much doubt that the reason why it is being perpetuated right now in this day and age has anything to do with contamination. Which brings us back to the concept of a patriarchal society and the negatives associated with it.

Dear Suji mallige, Yes this is the condition prevailing in many of the families in the society. That is why i wanted to write abt it. Anyway thank you for giving your opinion. Let us wait for the society to change atleast in our children's age.

Dear Sri, Thank you for peeping in. Your valuable comments would have added some interesting thoughts to the thread.

Dear Aarushi, This is the prevailing practice in many of the families. But hope some changes will come in atleast in the future. Thanks for giving your opinion. I too agree with Meeta's ideas. But the same need not be continued even in this 21st century.

Wow Sujatha!

I have also been wondering from where all these biases have cropped in.

I should say we are a victim of a similar practice. Our family (including inlaws) are mourning the death of departed souls of those whom we don't have any contact for more than 2-3 decades. Its almost 3-4 yrs in a row we have not been celebrating becos of death in my fil's father's brother's family......!

The reason quoted is lineage!! The brother being the acharian of the family!

Probably its our unfortunate time as all these happens when we go to India during holidays (and u r being forced not to visit relatives place(other than the supposed to be mourning family) ,temples etc...)

My small kid is now able to sense the difference.(He asked me this time why we did not celebrate navratri)

Meeta's explanations were sensible. My husband quotes the same. I can't comment as i am not aware why this custom was started. But i can say one thing that it takes the joy out of celebration without knowing whether what we are doing is right or wrong.

My sincere opinion is that the best way to show respect to the departed soul(whomever it may be) is silent prayers from the heart(apart from the religious ceremonies).

I hope chitvish mam will throw some light on this topic.

Usha

Usha

Hi Arushi,
Yes, today we have all modern facilities in medicines and also finance is also not a problem in many families. My views are only justification of these customs followed long back. Yeah, now people have to change according to the needs and surroundings. We can't follow all and everything blindly without analysing why to do such and such things. That's why I had written mine and my hubby's logical analysis, so that when you feel that you are not going to follow some custom, you should have good justification for the same. Rather than feeling forced to follow something, we should be more rationalise/analytical to put our point before our in-laws too.
I know, it is not possible for anybody, say for a son or a daughter to celebrate some festivities even for years and the loss oy one's dear ones hurt you for years together to come.
I have seen people who will wear new clothings day before the occasion and go to other's house to celebrate the same. I would never say that these people are really grief stricken..........if not, then why to be forced to do something which ur heart/mind is not approving..........

And my question is if you will not celebrate it at ur home then why to go to others house to party, isn't it more convenient to do it at ur house.
So, for me every person in my life has their own importance and none are replacable with others, so if I would like to feel their loss, it will be everyday not only forbidding myself in celebrating one/more festivals for a year and then forgetting them forever.

Dear frds, I am only putting my views, may be these are weired, but I take patent for these views.
No offense meant as this is a very sensitive topic and everybody has their own views regarding this.
Thanks.
Regards.

Dear Usha, Thanks for yr response. I too agree with yr views 100%. Hope chitra mam will enlighten us more abt this.

Dear Meeta, Thanks for yr vivid explanation. The logical and rational thinking is not there in the society, we follow most of the rituals blindly. That is only causing concern.