Borrowing books and things and not returning

People have a bad habbit of borrowing books and things and not returning them. I had experienced this many times. We have Valmiki Ramayan in parts consisting the full set. One of our friend's mother had taken the Bala Kandam and she had not returned it. Our friend got transfered to Bombay and so we lost the book. Nowadays we are not getting the copy. Neighbours will come and take pliers, screw driver and other materials, but won't return them after the job was finished. My neighbour had brrowed our thoradu (bamboo containing the sickle) to pluck guavas four days back, but not yet returned it. Now we have to go and get it when we need it. Could you believe it? When we came here newly,our front house lady sent her son telling him to get our flower vase with flowers for she was having a birthday party in the evening. Before We left Jamshedpur one lady borrowed our spring balance and had not returned it. Even then we had not learned a lesson. Still we had not stopped of lending things!

Hi Pushpa,
It happens everywhere. My neighbour borrows all kinds of things possible and is prompt in not returning it . She will always promise to do so. Without oraganising anything she called guests to her house for lunch, every ten minutes she sent her son to ask first for potatoes, big ones at least a kilo then again after a short break it was a huge katori of curd. What you have mentioned you can ask for it, but here if you were in my shoes what would you do??????? The expalnation she gave was that her cook had emptied her supplies and she did not have time to check, then why have guests?????? She thinks that the neighbors have to help her, at othertimes she will walk away as though she has never seen you in all her life.

hi pushpa,


Yes. books i have lost quite a few. my FIL, veda cannot ask for what they give..(whether it is money,books, anything....) ..sample of fil...there was this lady who was in need of money...fil gave her rs1000...to tide away...she did not repay for quite long...fil did not ask..the day before vacating their house she came and told mama i dont have so much money..if you say you need the money..you can come with me i will pledge my jewels.and give you....fil soft hearted said no..pay me whenever you have..the lady smartly said...why dont you treat it as asirvatham (blessing)
and now everybody asks him for asirvatham

I feel borrowing is fine when looked at my experiences...

1. my neighbour used to just come in talk, say she is my mil's namesake, so she is pseudo mil and eat lunch at home, feed her daughter and take a pack for her husband...(poor:mad: me never say no for giving food...). If there were nuts and chips...half of them goes to feed herself and daughter and the chips all over the carpet....veda used to get wild...

2. One more neighbour...she will visit...something goes missing. the daughter visits..(3 year old) the pencils, fridge magnets, the rubbers...everything.. after a day/two you can see them in her house..fridge magnet displayed on her fridge....the pencils are used by the daughter...

Thank god both are not my neighbours now.....I have seen neighbours who will take all your help but when their turn comes..they are blind and deaf....

Dear Pushpa
This really is an age old problem. I have to say in the U.S i have not yet come across this habit esp. from other indian families. But forgive me for saying so but whose fault is it. If the ramayan books are so important they should have been informed it is not for lending. I learnt this when i was a young kid and had lent my book to someone who did not return it back. My family told me that it was my fault. so i guess i learnt my lesson. If there is something i cannot lend i very clearly say so and its o.k if i become unpopular doing so. But I really never can whine about it after. just my 2 cents and my opinion.

Originally Posted by shanvy

hi pushpa,


Yes. books i have lost quite a few. my FIL, veda cannot ask for what they give..(whether it is money,books, anything....) ..sample of fil...there was this lady who was in need of money...fil gave her rs1000...to tide away...she did not repay for quite long...fil did not ask..the day before vacating their house she came and told mama i dont have so much money..if you say you need the money..you can come with me i will pledge my jewels.and give you....fil soft hearted said no..pay me whenever you have..the lady smartly said...why dont you treat it as asirvatham (blessing)
and now everybody asks him for asirvatham

I feel borrowing is fine when looked at my experiences...

1. my neighbour used to just come in talk, say she is my mil's namesake, so she is pseudo mil and eat lunch at home, feed her daughter and take a pack for her husband...(poor:mad: me never say no for giving food...). If there were nuts and chips...half of them goes to feed herself and daughter and the chips all over the carpet....veda used to get wild...

2. One more neighbour...she will visit...something goes missing. the daughter visits..(3 year old) the pencils, fridge magnets, the rubbers...everything.. after a day/two you can see them in her house..fridge magnet displayed on her fridge....the pencils are used by the daughter...

Thank god both are not my neighbours now.....I have seen neighbours who will take all your help but when their turn comes..they are blind and deaf....

Dear Shanvy,
My hubby is also like your Fil, He is also magnanimus. If someone borrows money and does not return, he would say, " poor fellow, he might not be having the money. What is the use of pressurising him to return the money?' But after retirement he had changed a little bit.
Love,
Pushpavalli

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Dear Pushpa
This really is an age old problem. I have to say in the U.S i have not yet come across this habit esp. from other indian families. But forgive me for saying so but whose fault is it. If the ramayan books are so important they should have been informed it is not for lending. I learnt this when i was a young kid and had lent my book to someone who did not return it back. My family told me that it was my fault. so i guess i learnt my lesson. If there is something i cannot lend i very clearly say so and its o.k if i become unpopular doing so. But I really never can whine about it after. just my 2 cents and my opinion.

Dear AC,
When a person is close to our family and never expected to behave like this how can I say no? But now I also had learnt a lesson. But we people are so soft hearted that we feel guilty when we have a thing, but refuse to give. Even now my neighbor has 3 gas cylinders, but would say forgot to book and would come and take our cylinder. In fact we never go and borrow anything from them. Thank you for sharing your opinion.
Love,
Pushpavalli

I had a neighbour.He was working from home and every other day he would come knocking.One day it will be turmeric powder ,then the other day it will potatoes as his wife was bringing friends for lunch.Then one more day it was 4 slices of bread with milk to feed his dog.My I did not mind helping but such small things like mustard seeds can always be bought.When they left they did not have the courtesy to say good bye.One of my relatives borrowed a nice tamil book to read on his train journey and is still returning it..Then we had a neighbour's daughter visiting exactly at 3.30 p.m. at tiffin time.I used to give her whatever we used to make,as I used to feel sorry for her.It was the habit of this girl to come either to my house or my friends,.Her mother never knew this girl was eating this way,nor did we tell her.She proudly kept saying that she has habit of serving food at 11.30 and after which her daughter demanded the next meal only at 7.30........This is still is sweet secret of mine,as now the little one has bloomed into a young maiden of 15 and hardly remembers those savoury episodes...........

I am with you Pusha Ma'am. I do not like to lend things that are important to me - books, music CD's and cassetes being some in the list. When people come to us for money, they seem all helpless and plead and cry. But once the money is in their hands, they pretend to have forgotten all about the returning factor.

Back home, in India, my mother is also like you - she lends all sorts of things to neighbours. Some are good folks - they return the things back on time. But many have to be reminded time and again.

Picture this Puchpa Ma'am - a lady asked my mother to buy sarees for her from Chennai. And my mother did that very diligently when she went to Chennai. The lady took the sarees and never paid the money. Whenever my mother lightly broached the topic of money, she would say - "I am going to the ATM tomorrow", "My husband is getting an increment next month" and so on. When I scold my mother for doing such things. she tells me "Paavam, how can I say no?"

Going by my mother's generous nature, I have learnt to say "no" to people.

Mrs. Pushpavalli,
This reminds me of an incident where the 'sevai naazhi' was rented by our tenent to our neighbour. when it came back it had 'broken leg' safely returned by the boy of the neighbour by keeping it against the wall so that the 'handicap' cannot be seen. Our tenenet was telling us this over many times.

sriniketan