My biggest nightmare

Originally Posted by indianflower

Namaskarams!

I understand all your fear. I did have that fear myself. Last year both my parents passed away ina gap of 5 days. It was the biggest shock to me. I did not expect this. It happened so suddenly. Its been 10 months now. I used to talk to both my parents everyday of my life. First few months were horrible. There was not one day i have not picked up the phone to call them and then realize they are not there anymore. I still think about them everyday but i keep my self busy with other things and never have any free time. This is one relation that you will always think about whether they are alive or not. Don't think and be afraid of what might happen in the future. Just enjoy talking to them and just being around them while they are alive.

Hi IF....
I feel your anguish. Been there and am still there. The pain diminishes over time but the void is there in your heart forever. Parents have a special place in kids hearts and that place is never given to anyone else.
Used to shed tears of pain and anger for the first few years at all special occassions in my life pain for myself and anger at god for taking away my parents at a very young age.

Now my tears are not of pain or anger anymore but just of joy at special occassions with the thought that their spirit has guided me so far and their blessings are always with me.

Since now i am approaching my moms age at her passing away, the tears are more of gratitude for every single day that i get to spend with my kids. When one sees death at close quarters all the small joys of life become more special and all we can do is to live life in the moment not to spoil it by being angry or fearful by what life throws at you.

Just now as i am typing this shed a few tears in sympathy of what you are going thru....hang in there and keep busy and don't forget to gather your loved ones closer to you in a big hug at the earliest chance.

Originally Posted by shanvy

hi priyu,

Everyone passes through this phase...

On a personal note...i have been seriously ill a few times... my daughter does not say anything but i can sense the fear..........i had to tackle my son everyday for months ..... even last year...he is 9years now..........

"He will just hug me and cry saying I am scared to leave you and go to school..what if something happens to you while i am at school"...everyday it was a routine...to tell him i will be there when you come back..i am not going anywhere..." (and mallikka...i can relate to what you are going through..."

What i would suggest..let us not waste our thinking on what will be the scene after...let us use the time we have to cherish them,show them that we love them, making them feel happy....


MIL was very sick for last few years....we always tried to make her feel more happy...she left blessing us for the love......

Making sweeter memories...................that is what i am doing ....as I know life is short and sweet...........

I am guilty as charged for not lightening up the already heavy thread...sorry.....

Dear Shanthi,

You have the right approach!!.

Do not be worried about your kids. They will turn out to be solid rocks(golden ones that too). One of my very close friends grew up tending to her sick mother from a very young age. Now she is the most happy, perky , optimistic being i have ever seen. Nothing will make her unhappy (and she has seen quite ups and downs in her life, i personally know of quite a few). She says the constant fear when young of losing her mother made her realise what true happiness really is and it cannot be gotten by material things.

her motto is (and she makes me believe in it, since she knows what my fears are )

what is to be will be
no matter how much you want to be prepared you never will
so live in the now and be happy
a beginning has to have an end
do not be unhappy trying to predict when that end will be

Hello ladies,

My father passed away since January 2000, it was a shock to us all, and I was young just turned 30, he was the rock for us all, and loved by many....we all still think abt him like he is here, weird of course, but you never let go. I was talking to someone, and she was amazed that I loved my father so much, I found it so strange, but she told that she never really knew her own father....but sometimes when she makes a decision to do something in her career, or personal life, she thinks what would my father do if he were standing right here, next to me. I use this principal too. in my own life....as my father was the best example of what a man should really be. such charisma, such strength. my mother is approaching her elder years, and I see her need to be around family. It would be devestating if she would pass on. I know she misses daddy, and she needs strength that daddy gave her. She is keeping on I believe until she feels we are all taken cared of. I love her, and really didnt have the relationship with her like I did with daddy. Just only because of our personalities were always different. But I give her my love just the same way

Thank you for this post, which has allowed me to appreciate what God has given me.
Indera

Hi.
ya i think we all go thro this ..... Dreaming of our parents' death......fertively taking a glance (and dreading) at that 'obituary-column' ..... really scary and sad....
i recall a particular incident that happened yrs back....my elder daughter Anu was just arnd 3yrs, i think...she was in the hall,busy with whatever she was doing ...i locked myself inside the bedrom to change.My daughter, suddenly realising i was not around....started calling out for me,and when she heard me from inside the bedroom, started banging on the door with the ever so innoscent words......ammaaaaaa.....nee chethupoitiya? (r u dead? ) .....plssss cholluma......(pls tel me!).....the very thot is so hilarious! :)
All we can do is to make sure we give them our love in every possible way.....n not to have any guilt,what so ever, when we do come across such a horrible thing... tc.
sujatha.

hi,
It is true that it is a nightmare to think about this, but the best thing one can do is to talk to them as often as possible and try to spend as much quality time as possible and at least not shout or react badly to them, which I used to do earlier,(especially when they start advicing me and I am in a bad mood) and try to make them happy as they have given their best to us so should we. Especially as a mother I have realised how much my mother and (father too) has done to me. So I just pray that I do my best in making them happy and enjoy their life.
uma

Hi Everyone Out There,

Priya, you have touched the right chord. Now, that you see so many posts here, you are at least relieved that you are normal and the fear is natural. Its very easy to say, death is inevitable and we have to learn to face it and blah blah... I have gone through this fear and when the time came, I was shattered. In the gap of two years that I lost my mother, I still look out for her.. I have realized, she was my BEST FRIEND who cannot be replaced. I would never read the OBITUARY column in Times of India as it would remind me that one day my parents would be just photographs and a STORY TO TELL. How can take it... I used to hate God for creating this 'CYCLE CALLED LIFE".
A couple of my friends are eagerly waiting for their parents to chill out forever.. so that they can lead a peaceful life. They opine it in public. I cannot imagine ......
All I did was to spend maximum time with them, pay heed to their all small needs, opinions, laugh at their jokes, tell them all that you do in life, buy them presents, take them out as often you can, show interest in their life and their talks, introduce them to your friends.. it makes them feel good ( I swear on this), press their legs, give them pillows for back rest when they sit, let them play their favourite music or programme on TV.

When they are not around (finally), you can atleast cherish that you gave your best shots..

Priya, still I feel, I could have done more for them. Today, when I win a prize, when I am praised, when I am honoured, when I get my increment (in salary), I look out for them. ..
I think, it will never erase from my mind...

Dear Ldies,
Thank you so much for all your effort in penning down your thoughts and feelings. At least i know now that am not the only one. Some of you have gone through such tragic phases , really admire you all. Well i can be proud and say that i have been a good daughter. take care of my mother well, and have been a son to her in her toughest days, and done my part. even now i continue to do my best for her. that gives me a lot of satisfaction.thank you once again for making me feel the way i feel now.yes the void in our lives after our parents go can never be filled but we must do he best we can. At least i have no guilt on that front!!!

Hai Friends,

When I read this, I am reminded of myself.. even i used to think abt my mom like this only. Whenever I see her, with shrinked skin, white hair etc., automatically i will cry inside.

I hope some / all of you heard a beautiful song from the film 'Raam'. I have given the lyrics here.

Aarari raro... Naan ingu paada....
Thaaye nee kan urangu....
Ennoda madi saainthu... (Aarari raro)
Vaazhum kaalam yaavume... Thaayin paadham swarggame...
Vedham naangum sonnathe... adhai naan arivene....
Amma ennum mandhirame....agilam yaavum aalgirathe... (Aarari raro)

Ver illatha nilam pol ennai nee boomiyil nattaye..
Oor kann enthan mele pattal.. un uyir noga thudithaye...
Ulagathin bandhangal ellam nee solli thanthaye...
Pirappum Irappukkum Idaiyil vazhi nadathi sendraye...
Unakke vor thottil katti.. naane thaayaai maarida vendum.. (Aarari raro)

Thaai solgindra vaarthaigal ellam noi theerkkindra marunthallava..
Mann ponn meedhu aasai thurantha kaan thoongatha uyir allava..
Kaalathin kanakkugalil, selavaagum varavum nee...
Suzhalgindra boomiyin mele suzhalatha boomiyum nee...
Iraivaa... nee aanai idu.. thaaye endhan magalai maara... (Aarari raro)

Friends listen to this song and your eyes will filled with tears even without your knowledge.. such a wonderful song with the legend's voice.

Sometimes, there may be mistakes in this lyrics, coz my eyes are filled with tears as I type in the text.

The last sentence in this song 'iraiva nee aanai idu, thaaye endhan magalai maara', though i wish for the same, I used to wonder whether I will be able to give back all that what i receive from my mom .. i dont think i can....her sacrifice, her unconditional love, her affection, her all, can only be her's.. nobody can reproduce/give back to her in the same way how she gave to us.

Originally Posted by Blondie

Dear Shanthi,

You have the right approach!!.

Do not be worried about your kids. They will turn out to be solid rocks(golden ones that too). One of my very close friends grew up tending to her sick mother from a very young age. Now she is the most happy, perky , optimistic being i have ever seen. Nothing will make her unhappy (and she has seen quite ups and downs in her life, i personally know of quite a few). She says the constant fear when young of losing her mother made her realise what true happiness really is and it cannot be gotten by material things.

her motto is (and she makes me believe in it, since she knows what my fears are )

what is to be will be
no matter how much you want to be prepared you never will
so live in the now and be happy
a beginning has to have an end
do not be unhappy trying to predict when that end will be

Hi blondie,

Thanks for your feedback and assurance about my approach...
i am making memories for my children and husband.....


Priyu,

I am happy you are now very clear.....

My nightmare happened this year.My husband who I considered strong had a sudden heart attack.But by god's grace managed to treat him and he has recovered fully.That too when it happened here ,I must God and our friends helped us out.Within a span of 20 days my father who was quite fit passed away.He was a real support for me and he was always there for me to reach out.It is months since he passed away but the pain lingers on..My husband lost his father 23years back.I keep asking him how he managed to get over it.He said the same thing as my father used to say time is great healer and shadow of death passes over like a cloud..........but I still wonder how..........