AOL - Art of "Listening"

polymorphic · Sep 23, 2011

How often have we felt that only if there was somebody who would truly listen to us and understand us? I have felt a lot lately maybe since I spend most of my waking hours with a toddler and a busy husband coming home tired and just nodding "yes yes" to anything I say(with excitement/anger/plain delight) due to exhaustion

But as much as I need to talk and be heard comes the other person's need to talk and be heard. Due to this need, I feel I have started talking a bit too much when I pick up the phone and almost not giving the other person the space or the time to talk I have decided to reduce my urge to rush in with all the exciting news(of what my toddler does and says) and stop and actually listen to the other person and get to know what made their day and what made them sad or angry.
After a long phone call , there have been days when I feel sorry for the other person that I have loaded them with news about my life whereas I genuinely did not show any interest in theirs

Listening is actually one of the biggest compliments you can give anybody and actually listening without interrupting or judging. But it is soo difficult to most of us. If I can recollect now, I feel the best of my friends and the closest of them all are all good listeners ) I too was one but am sorry that lately I have not been a good listener at all to neither my parents/ friends/relatives.

I hereby declare that I have lost the art of listening and therefore in future will be a good friend by being a good listener to all my friends and relatives ... esp my mom

raji2678 · Sep 23, 2011

Nice post. Maybe you can make your husband listen, when he is not tired. Try summarising the facts.

polymorphic · Sep 23, 2011

No I need somebody who can get as excited as I am about certain things. Poor guy is so tired by the end of day. He actually does not have the energy to disagree anymore ) Anyway, I have decided to reduce my temptation to do this and actually make the other person open up maybe that I shoud try with my husband

rayhaan · Sep 23, 2011

hey i too do not have much patience to listen to what the other person says..

I always wanted to share what made my day with all excitement when I am back from office and lying on the bed to my hubby dearest... He is a Listener by nature, he listens to it patiently... Then I ask him of his day, and I am off to sleep oor hubby, but that is not intentional, I get to know that I was already into sleep before he finished, only the other day morning, he will say it with a smile on his face...

navs23 · Sep 23, 2011

Nice post Polymorphic, is this your first snippet? loved the crisp writing style!!!
I completely agree with you. Have you tried spending time in IL? that helped me tame my excitement a little and saved people the headache of being dumped with too much information. I used to monopolize conversations before and regret about it later. I get a lots of thoughts too, some sane and some insane, but not everything need to be shared. So, whatever seems sane, I try to pen them in snippets or other sections here and it helps

satchitananda · Sep 23, 2011

Dear Polymorphic,

I loved your expansion of the acronym - AOL. I am sure the "real" AOL should adopt this form as one of the spiritual goals they preach.

Listening is actually one of the biggest compliments you can give anybody and actually listening without interrupting or judging.
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I entirely agree with you on this. Many of us have to really work very hard on this and it is certainly not easy.

Your realization is the first step that will help you develop the AOL very soon. All the best.

Cheeniya · Sep 23, 2011

Dear Poly
Very few human beings are proof against the implied flattery of rapt attention. This is not my own. This is what a guy called Jack Woodford had said some seven decades back. All aspiring writers should read his book 'Trial and error'.

You have raised a very valid point here. Listening is the most essential requisite for a human being if he wants to be heard. You have taken a good resolution and I wish you all the luck. I am especially impressed with your adding your mom in particular to the list of people who you would listen with rapt attention henceforth. I know that listening to mom is rated as the toughest thing by youngsters. Once they learn to do it, the rest will be just cake walk!
Sri

upfsabari · Sep 23, 2011

You are exactly right dear.. Many times we are eager to show our excitements to others wherein we forget to ask about their lives.. Well said..!

kottravai · Sep 23, 2011

polymorphic said: ↑

Listening is actually one of the biggest compliments you can give anybody and actually listening without interrupting or judging. But it is soo difficult to most of us.
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Well said, Polymorphic! And very true, too!

Cheers,
Kottravai

Srama · Sep 23, 2011

Let me start with my story poly....I know you said you will listen to your immediate family, but I wanted to take a chance anyways

Right on Polymorphic

actually listening without interrupting or judging.
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as for listening without interuppting esp in a group setting, my husband and I usually tell it out loud between us to please stop and listen to what the other person has to say and it works....actually wonders! It is very easy to put forth 'our view' on things and happenings that we often forget that the other view could be veery interesting, funny, gives a different spin and that the other person has a life too with stuff happening!!

Thank you for that reminder - my AOL is improving because of kids