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Spouse and Happiness....

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Mindian, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    S is a young engineer from India recruited by my hubby for his office here. I first met him during one of their office picnics. "Maam, my eyes were searching only for you in the crowd" was what he first told me. I gave a "WHAT????" glance at my DH who smiled at my discomfiture and later told me that S was not very fluent in English.

    I found in S a very refreshing change. He was from some obscure village in India and was thrilled with his first flight outside his hometown, and in fact, thrilled with everything he saw. Back home he had his father, his wife with their small daughter, and his elder brother and his family. S’s wife was expecting their second child.

    What I liked about him was he was buying gifts for everyone, and kept talking about them without moaning over the fact that they were far away. I was amused to see that he had almost 3- 4 ice creams that day. Over lunch he told me that his wife was from a very rich family and he had got some land as dowry. A happy go lucky simpleton, I concluded.

    "Did Sir take dowry from you, Mam?" He wanted to know. I pulled his and Sir's legs by saying "As if anyone would take dowry from me, S? Don’t you think your Sir is lucky to have got me?" Aha!!! I enjoyed his sheepish grin at that.:) While leaving, as usual I invited him home, anytime he felt like a home cooked meal.

    A few weeks later, I overheard my hubby talking to S on the phone. S was saying he urgently wanted to go back home as his wife was admitted for labour and it was not going well. "Okay, you must go and hold her hand" I heard my hubby saying. Unfortunately between mother and child, only one could be saved, and they lost the baby.

    S now wanted to bring his wife here since she was always crying. They came and settled down in a locality full of Indians, and many from their community. I thought it was a good change and the perfect place to come out of her sorrow. But she kept crying over the fact that it was “a boy child that they had lost.”

    Boy or girl, does that matter now? Silly female…..I lost my cool when I heard that and my hubby said I was being insensitive.:hide:

    It was nearly three months later that I met him again when he came home one evening to collect some official papers. I was stunned to see the change in him. Gone was that smile and that positive nature; I could have sworn he had a worried frown. I asked him to stay over for dinner, but he kept looking at his watch and saying "I have to go home and cook, plus do all the washing. She is not in a mood to do anything and still cries. She doesn’t even go down and meet people."

    I was really amazed .Of course, I am not bereft of sympathy for her, but after three months of being taken care of, shouldn’t she be able to do minimum work at least? Isn’t it a common distress? Their daughter was still with S’s in-laws in India. Shouldn’t she have brought her here and taken steps to be a happy family? I felt really sad for S because he had been a much happier person with his family far away. How much can a spouse make or mar one's life, I couldn’t help wondering….

    I couldn’t help recalling some posts of Ilites who are trying to conceive. All I can say is it happens when it happens. Yes, not having a child is a lacuna in your life but it is only one aspect of your life. Meanwhile do not put your whole life on hold. Do not brood over it and make yourself as well as your partner miserable.
    Most of life's sorrows are bearable when you are blessed with a caring and lovable spouse. Do capitalize on that one factor and try to be happy.


    And yesterday I heard she was pregnant again. I hope All's well that ends well.:):cheers
     
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  2. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi,

    That was sad, but i agree with u, life has to go on. Even after we die, life will go on, and our spirit would like to see our spouse happy, and getting on, going to movies, or remarrying, rather than crying for something that will never come back,Mindi.right?

    Good one.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  3. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Mindi
    This particular thread of yours puts you on par with the greatest American story writer, O’Henry. When I was reading through the story of S, I was feeling as depressed and as moved as when I was reading his ‘The Gift of the Magi’. Your last sentence was as dramatic a twist as O’Henry normally deployed in all his stories! There is a difference though. Yours are mostly true stories but Henry was a master of fiction. Your eye for details is amazing. You counted even the number of ice creams he had during your first encounter with him! I also concluded that one must be very careful to put in his best appearance before you or he would run the risk of being judged as a ‘simpleton’ even though ‘happy go lucky’!

    If S’s wife is pregnant again, we are all happy as we are when we hear of Aishwarya Rai’s pregnancy. After all, all is well that ends well as you have very rightly observed. That’s what the Three Idiots say too though in their own way-“Aal izz well”! Amen to that.
    Sri
     
  4. omsrisai

    omsrisai IL Hall of Fame

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    Mindi...

    Your thread is wonderful and i agree with you that life should go on....i pity that girl who was still crying for three months and mr.s has to do all the daily cores...if she could have started doing the daily cores..her sorrow could have been reduced and she could have become normal...


    But happy that she is pregnant now and All's well that ends well
     
  5. shashiv

    shashiv Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Mindi,

    Enjoyed your thread very much. Totally agree with you.. life has to go on... Just couldn't understand why the girl can't be happy with what she has (the DD left in India) rather than crying for 3 months... Happy to hear she is pregnant again ..hope all the best for her.


    Shanti
     
  6. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That is really Sad Mindi to read your post....
    You know in Egypt too I have met similar family but the only difference is she has not lost kids she has 2 lovely kids she had met with an accident so she cannot work or something like that and the poor DH before going to work, he packs his kids lunch, cooks for this wonderful female {wife}and then goes to the office by 8 and he use to come back from office quite late around 8 in the evening and only after he comes back he has to cook do the washing cleaning etc it was really sad.
    But when she goes out for outing and all she enjoys the day that time her back and body doesn't pain ehh????
    We find sometimes funny females around us, and some of these people blame the guys which is really ridiculous. I pity such people. No idea what is wrong with this women, when I met her she was perfectly alright. She enjoys going to fun land sit on roller coaster and all...hahaha
     
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  7. vidchakra

    vidchakra Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Mindi,

    Very nicely written!!!

    The lady had so many positive things in her life which she overlooked...

    Wish them good luck!!!
     
  8. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Mindi, your post surely made me go through a gamut of emotions from a simple smile to, a shock with my mouth open to, oh well he atleast brought her to Oh my God and ended with Thank God - hopefully things will take a good turn for the nice guy :) You are right, spouses make or break anything on any given day just by the way they react!!
     
  9. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    life has to go on.

    yes kamalji you are very right here...

    Even after we die, life will go on, and our spirit would like to see our spouse happy, and getting on, going to movies, or remarrying, rather than crying for something that will never come back,Mindi.right?

    a BIG no...True, life goes on but my spirit would surely check once in a while if my spouse is grieving for me.. come on... at least for a decent amount of time , don't I deserve some tears?????? Then, when I am satisfied; I would want him to move on.... because basically, I care for his happiness, you see. LOL.

    I bet you did not expect that from me...:rotfl
     
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  10. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear cheeniya sir,

    It is good (for me) that I know you and your brand of humour so well by now, otherwise I would have taken that compliment seriously, you know?:)
    But thanks to you, I spent a few interesting moments reflecting on both the stories.

    O Henry's "The gift of magi".. .. a work of fiction that has me reaching out for my hanky to wipe my moist eyes and wonder in sheer amazement whether such love really exists....

    Mindis story on S.... a true one (as sadly she lacks imagination and has to look out for true stories each time, hence that keen observation ) that has me feeling really disturbed that all is not well with the world. Why on earth wouldn’t one want to reciprocate affection? It leaves me all irritated and impatient.

    I also concluded that one must be very careful to put in his best appearance before you or he would run the risk of being judged as a ‘simpleton’ even though ‘happy go lucky’!

    Ohhh you didn’t know that simpleton and a happy go lucky one at that, is a compliment in my dictionary? I am so used to meeting pompous people who talk endlessly about their achievements ( and my ears automatically shut off…. really, somehow all I hear is blah blah blah ) that people like S are quite a welcome change.:)

    If S’s wife is pregnant again, we are all happy as we are when we hear of Aishwarya Rai’s pregnancy.

    :rotfl:rotfl I totally agree with you.
     

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