I too made a list !

Last sunday when I went to our temple in the morning I went through my usual rush. So when I arrived there I was to see these groups of women so beautifully dressed wearing fine and grand jewllery and relaxing.
Everyone around me seemed so efficent. These ladies I thought always looked so neat and well dressed and their houses gleamed from top to bottom. So I figured I am doing something wrong. So why did I rush that morning which
is normal for me and not unusual at all. I did get up early (thanks to bed coffee provided by dearest husband) o.k. I did brush my teeth before drinking ???!!!! I then caught up with my exercise walk then watered my rose garden cleaned the kitchen, put more clothes for laundry took bath prayed made breakfast that my husband likes prepared lunch that my family likes and OMG
its time to run so took the first dress from closet and ran out of the door to my temple where I conduct our Balshala teaching children slokas our culture etc. So my rush.So I thought to myself I will become efficent and what do efficent persons do they make a LIST.
Yes I will make my list too. First on my list ( at this point its still a mental list as no time to write) I will make my son water the plants and pick up his clothes and clean and my husband will not mess up my dining table with all his office work. So a very very determined me returned home just ready to
implement what I thought was an efficent list to become a more efficent me. Now I too can compete with all these people I see and my home to will be
spotless and gleaming. My dining table is going to be spotless and living room will be spotless, clutterless and no mess at all. As soon as I walked in through the door my husband and son came rushing to greet me (iwas gone one hour and half) and said they enjoyed the special food I had cooked for them and they had cleaned up the kitchen for me and they had done a host of other
things too. I ofcourse smiled and grinned and proceeded to remove my slipper when I noticed that many other slippers were lying on the ground and not on the rack. as I walked through dining room I saw the table cluttered with papers
and laptop and living room had my sons homework papers around. Oh my LIST. so I opened my mouth to tell (YELL) at H and S to clean this and that when they watching football asked me to come and sit with them and made
space in between. As soon as I sat down (still with mouth open you know to tell or Yell about my list) my husband went and fixed me lunch and son brought water and they both asked me to relax. Ofcourse the list was fading and as I ate I thought what was more important in my list. spending time with my family and their love and affection moved from bottom of list to top. I figured its ok for dining table to be cluttered or something else not spotless but I had what was important for me. So now I live with my new list . Do you think I did wrong????

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Ofcourse the list was fading and as I ate I thought what was more important in my list. spending time with my family and their love and affection moved from bottom of list to top. I figured its ok for dining table to be cluttered or something else not spotless but I had what was important for me. So now I live with my new list . Do you think I did wrong????

Chitra - you answered your question yourself "spending time with my family" - that is the most important thing. Later in life, your son will remember mom cooking his favorite meal and watching football with you and not how you kept your house clean. I used to think that I had to keep my house orderly if not it was the worst thing ever! No - after a busy day at work, I dont like it if things are laying around - but I have learned to look the other way and get to it a bit later. Lists are great - they help you get organized - but not at the cost of yelling at your family. My daughter's room used to look like a bomb exploded there - it used to bother me - then I started ignoring it and and closed the door - the rest of the house looked fine and I was ok with it. You do the best you can - no one is judging you.

Dear Chitra,

you have described exactly what i go thru every weekend except that instead of temple/balashala it is soccerfield and other well turned out soccer moms with their perfectly made up hair, manicured hands and pedicured feet and all dressed appropriately for the weather . Me in my just washed hair and dressed in sweat pants and a shirt(no matter how hot it is ), chipped finger nails (due to doing dishes and cleaning).

All my resolutions of making more time for myself by delegating work around the house remain just that (resolutions only). But will never think of not being at my son's soccer games

Dear Shobana
You always write words backed by wisdom. it is ofcourse experience. Yes I have figured out we need to do what is important for us . At all stages we do make choices based on our priorities. I can see you reflecting back when your daughter was young and now that she is in college the transition too.

AC, you are right and you did it right.
Quality time rather than quantity time is very much appreciated.
It is true.
Sometimes i feel very bad for not attending the 'birthday lunch' for the kids in school where parents are invited to have lunch with their kids on a day during the week proposed by the school.
I have other committments at house, you know what to expect from a typical mil. I was not able to move anywhere.
Due to my daughters' bugging I made it a point to have lunch when they are in their 5th grade, which will be their last year in the elementary school.
I hope they remember it.
Do you want to know how I made it on that day? I used to lie that there was a meeting in the school which I had to attend.
Poor me, a lie for no other reason, but I thought it is better to be with the interests of the kids than the lie itself.

sriniketan

Dear Blondie
I really really laughed out loud reading what you have written. Isnt that a common occurence for us? Yes we would not miss an activity of our child and even I can see how it changes our relations inside the family and how more close knit we become. Have you noticed that our kids dont care what we wear or if our nails are done. all that they really care is us being on the sidelines watching them andbeing there for them.

Dear Bhargavi
Its strange that we both we were typing at the same time. I have seen a photo of you and kids and you have to be really pround of them. All your work is shown clearly and you must be really proud of your children. I get the "lie" part. Ofcourse its o.k. to tell a white lie for our children. When are we going to deplete our allowed stock of lies?????

Hi,

You said it... Spending quality time with the family is much much important than anything else.... When you spend time with your family, it is like you are creating memories for your kids.... This I read a big article in TOI... How long the kids will be with the parents... Once they grow they go out for college/profession etc... That time they will not have time for the parents.... When they have time we have to use it to the best...

I always tell my wife, if your house it spic & clean... and you have to maintain things at its place only.... then it is not house... It is museum.... Only there things will be kept in its place without moving.... Kids are meant to tear the house upside down... I agree we have to keep the house in a presentable manner... But that does not mean my kids has to forego their moments of happiness...

The kids can mess up the house only when they ar kids.... Not when they are adults....

May be I am wrong....

Veda

Hi Chitra,

Loved reading your List. Me, ys have tried a few times to make a list. But then I fall into yours and Blondie's camp. Ya, have gone to my sons classes with gravy or pasta sauce all smeared over my top!! and so on...

But like everyone else, i too cherish the time i spend with the family and everything else can wait. I am still trying to dismantle the " train depot " that has a permanent place in my living room, and now coming up is the Space center next to it.... and in the process if i stumble and fall a few times, well who cares... I have three men to take care of me

Vandhana

Dear AC,
An occurence in every home.
Just remember yours is a "home", not just a mere "house" - that should set your mind in peace !
At the same time list is a must, a stick-on on the fridge etc. Infact I even note down, what I must tell my daughter & DIL, when they phone. Very often we say " I wanted to tell you something important, but can't remember it now" !
Inspite of quality time, quantity time etc ( these were not known to me in my younger days), a list is a must to be more organised.
This habit has got ingrained even in my GDs, that there is a big white board in their rooms with a list of "do"s.
Let us cultivate in our children, the habit of organising themselves along with messing up.
The former is necessary once they grow up & cannot be developed overnight.
Sorry, if I am a misfit in this thread sounding like a "matron" !
Love
To
Chitra
From
Chithra.