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Are you a Pativrata??? please tell me!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Chitvish, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Now, don’t jump to the conclusion – phew, what a topic!
    If this is not a typically women’s topic, then what is??? The person who coined this word must have been MCP, number one! Tell me if there is an equivalent term for men. At least does not strike my small brain. Don’t say – Pati Parameshwar! That is glorifying men again!

    BUT,
    I believe more in being a Bharatya Nari than a Pativrata!

    My GDs always tell me that I am so unlike their friends’ grandmoms. Perhaps they are all Pativratas!!

    The saying goes that the woman should go later to bed & wake up earlier than Patidev.
    Friends, believe me, in my case, it is the reverse. I cannot stay awake later than 9 PM. Even if I keep awake to watch some interesting programmes on TV & sleep later, Vish will become restless. This is because he does not trust me to close the main door, balcony doors etc properly! Can you beat this? Even if I close the main door properly, he will check by opening it & locking it again! I have given up & give him the pleasure of taking care of all domestic security measures. But in spite of this, years back, a thief put his hands through the window & snatched away my chain, mangalsutra et al. So, I now feel “que sera sera”!!

    His entire family has the habit of waking up at the unearthly hour of 3.30 AM. I made a weak attempt, but gave it up. If I don’t rise up by 5 AM, the light will be switched on in the room where I sleep. Indication, what else??

    In his corporate days, Vish would be back home very late on most of the days. I used to wait for him, to have dinner together. But usually it happened that he would be too tired on return & any casual conversation would precipitate a serious argument!! So, on my children’s suggestion, I would keep his food in a hot case & go to sleep. That is me – most matter of fact!

    Now, in retired life, I announce when the table is laid – he is very particular about his timings!
    If he is on the phone or reading, I don’t go on repeating
    aenna, vangonna etc a la cinema style.
    I just start eating so that he can join me! Perhaps, the reading Patnis will wonder how I can ever do this!!

    He is “jain” in his food habits. Coming from Madurai, I am very fond of small onions & garlic.
    To start with, I tried all measures to become a Pativrata atleast in food habits. That resulted in my getting frustrated. So I started cooking two varieties – not a big deal for me because I was more focussed on being happy with myself as a human being in my food habits.

    I have now come to the conclusion that if I am happy inwardly, I will make a better wife than in trying to stand up to an image!! We are almost diametrically opposite in all aspects, but I am proud to call myself a Bharatiya Nari because I have learnt to achieve unity in diversity in the home front. What more can a Patidev ask for, tell me friends??!!
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Chithra madam

    I couldnt stop laughing about the way you have put it across...In this fast world its soo difficult to follow those old rules, because instead of giving any kind of pativrata salutation....it would backfire on us...very well written :)

    Just wanted to add, during initial days of my marriage, my husband had this cinematic idea of wife, that wife should have head bath and then light dhoop sticks and wake up husband with hot cofeee :)) then he realised its going to get him in soup...because I get up early...and for me to do all that he has to get up early too...so he gave up on that cinematic idea and begs me to let him sleep
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2011
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  3. apar_ram

    apar_ram Silver IL'ite

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    My my my... how could you of all people be like this??:rotfl Just Kidding, I absolutely agree with you. A happy wife will definitely be a better wife than trying to be what everyone expects you to be. I am in your category too, I used to try to wait up for him for dinner or even going to bed until he is ready but it only used to irritate me and we end up fighting, but after filling my tummy when i am hungry and sleeping when i feel sleepy it keeps me happy so I am in a better mood :). Also i found out when the kids were toddlers when i had to run behind them to feed it was much easier when i wasnt hungry I was more patient. So I used to eat atleast sambar sadam or rasam or whatever and then run behind them and return to finish my thayir sadam.
    Aparna
     
  4. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Chitra Maam,

    Wow, you have put it down so well!!!

    If doing such things are the requisities for being a Pativrata, I definitely do not qualify :rotfl (not even first from the last)

    I would like to share how my mother used to be and how she is now:

    My Dad had late office timings and used to go very early in the mornings.
    In my school days, I have seen her wake up at 4 am and go to bed at 'I dont know what time'..

    My dad always used to tell my mom: Eat eat if I am late beyond 8.30 pm, dont wait.
    But she never listened. she grew up in the wings of her attaipatti who used to tell her, if a woman eats before her husband, the husband's lifetime is reduced.

    So believe me, she used to wait up till 11 pm also. My dad was in sales line. He has to meet clients, eat with them , so definitely he is not going hungry. But my mom used to be
    and she was stuck to her beliefs
    Result: when she hit 40s, one by one, health problems started coming up. Low immune system, so anything and everything made her sick, diabetes, and what not...

    Now: I am married, my brother is married (they live together) and my father is still working, still comes home late, but my mom eats and sleeps off before him :) .
    Reason: she is getting old and the amount of health troubles she has gone through, has left her with very little strength


    Now (Me):
    I eat whenever I am hungry :rotfl
    Living outside India, managing a child: generally I serve my husband food, then feed my son and join my husband. He eats so slowly that my son finishes food, I join him and both of us finish together.


    But neither of us have the order of who eats first. The only thumb rule is: Who is hungrier, eats first.

    Getting up: My day starts at 5.30 am, husband wakes up at 7 am.
    I am dead by 10 pm. Married 4 years, still I dont know what time he comes to bed :)


    P.S: sorry for the long post
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2011
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear chitra,

    You are still young, and cheerful eh !i and harsha too eat seperately, she eats veg, me nonveg, and she eats earlier than me.

    Let me tell yu, that there are husbands who are Patniwrata, they listen to every cammand of their wives, i have a few in my friends circle.HAHA

    Well i am not one of them, i follow my heart, neither god or wife for that matter.

    Good one,.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Chitra Mam
    Absolutely wonderful write up and so true. During the early years of my marriage I wanted to be oh so romantic and wait for my DH to come back from his weekend tennis/soccer games to have lunch. But invariably he would be hours late and my stomach growls could literally wake up the neighbors from their siesta. DH would find a very short tempered wife far from the romantic one I had imagined when he came back home tired and hungry, Just took a few weekends for him to make sure I had my lunch/dinner with or without him . Lot more romance and lot less pativrata ..:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl
     
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  7. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Chithu,
    That's very true..one cannot be termed as Pathivrata..only if one follows..late to bed and early to rise...eat after your husband eats, formula..
    Rightly put in..if you are happy inside...the family will be happy, otherwise, they need to face our :rant with our hunger and unhappiness inside :)

    In my house, I follow this eating after him, only at the dinner time.
    Going to bed..I am always late and he is early and rising from bed..he is early and I am few minutes late..

    Great going :thumbsup of being a Bharathanari...living in unity in diversity! Nicely coined.

    P.S. Coincidentally I was thinking about 'padi thaandaa pathni' while I was over the padi in my house and was wondering..is this called 'padi thaandaa pathni or padi thaandiya patni..:biglaugh:
    I usually make it a point not to step on the padi.

    sriniketan
     
  8. DNM

    DNM Silver IL'ite

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    Really good read. For sure we are all Bharathiya Naaris considering how we create a harmonious home amidst the diversity and uniqueness of the two or more mingling families. Like everybody else, I too started off my marrital life with pativratha ideals but then life happened and I had to adjust my glasses to sit better on my beak and to view things more evenly and practically. Now eating, sleeping, routine things are based only on needs - DS's needs!

    Enjoyed reading it.
     
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you Mrs.C for making us all feel about the way we all are - just right
    That is a valuable lesson. My neighbor always tells very fondly "if momma is happy, everyone is happy"!! Staying so far awya, I have never had to try the 'ideal' way.....so its been mostly my way!!
     
  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Chitra ma'am,

    You are really a whiff of fresh air. I love your down to earth, refershingly candid views. I am no pativrata. I wake up when my body wakes up and both dh and I eat as and when we are hungry. He generally comes home very late. If I were to wait for him, I'd land up filling myself with a lot of empty calories to keep going till then. So the practical thing to do is to eat on time and leave everything for him on the table.

    Am really happy to see someone so practical from your generation.

    P.S. I told my husband about this thread. Being a bit challenged in Sanskrit, he asked me what that word meant (struggling to pronounce it right) and asked if he would qualify for the title! When I told him our ancestors only considered women for the title, he asked me why. We do need some "equal oppurtunity" to correct this injustice, don't we?
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2011

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