Blame it on the Moon

The moon has been held responsible for several things, among them madness and ocean tides. But I was recently surprised to find the extent to which people can go to make the moon a scapegoat. It just confirmed my opinion that some people who wear a mask of sanity are actually LUNAtics.

Granted that the moon may have an impact on the brain making nuts nuttier and the sea making waves more furious. But can you blame the moon for the poor condition of your dwelling? A relative of mine did.

The lady concerned is apparently sane. But many have suspected that she has a streak of madness. For instance when her father died and his ashes were about to be immersed in Ganga, she claimed that she saw his spirit leaving the urn with ashes.

Her next move confirmed the worst fears of many about her. She started hearing voices. She thought that the muse of poetry was summoning her She then started penning verses. about her dear departed papa and emailing them to all and sundry. The opinion about her verses was divded Everybody thought they were godawful and she thought they were great.

.Her poet avtaar ended mercifully after sometime. But then a horror fiction avtaar was born. No, thankfully, she didn't write any horror stories but started telling everyone that late at night a black phantom car cruises the streets of Delhi crushing to death unsuspecting passerby. All, attempts to stop that car failed because it went through police barricades like air, she claimed. Though no one believed her, many cheerfully assisted her in spreading the rumour.

But the latest from her is something really serious. It could provide fodder to many builders who contruct buildings that would make a house of cards look kike unbreakable edifices and seriously damage the makers of waterproofing material.

One day when she was visiting another relative, the host complained that there was a massive seepage in her fkat from the flat above. Our friend immediately found the cause for it --the moon.

The seepage was because the occupants of the flat were in teh bad books of the moon, she declared. They needed to do what she called Chandra Pooja to appease Earth's sole natural satellite.

Years after manned missions have landed on the moon, educated apparently sane people are talking of prayers to it. Neil Armstrong, Buzzz Aldrin and others of their kind must have been in the moon's bad books because they disturbed its privacy by landing on its surface. Not my hapless relative who spent a minor fortune to waterproof the flat. But the dear dotty lady claimed that all that money was wasted as the waterproofing was in vain in view of moon's bad mood.

Now imagine what would happen if this leaked out.. Builders would see pots and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow despite substandard construction. Wherever there is a leak,. the moon is responsible.

And no need to protect your house against seepage. Just butter thje moon and all will be well. Cutting corners by using sand instead of cement is not responsible for the poor condition of the house but the moon, my dear, the moon.

And when government appoints committees to inquire into collapse of bridges, caving in of roads etc, the committees after five years and two extensions thereafter, would conclude that the collapses took place because of ...yes, you have guessed it, moon. And the contractors would live happily thereafter building lousy roads and houses and inquiries and disciplinary action would be launched against the poor government servants who failed to perform the chandra pooja.

The moon is really weird. Now I am feeling its impact on me. Voices are calling me. At least one voice, that of the muse of poetry. I don't want to pen verses but under these cicumstances I just cannot help inflicting them on you. Here they are:

If in your house there's seepage.

It ain't due to its old age

For that it occurred a bit too soon.

So blame it on the moon



If your ceiling just caves in,

On builder's part there's no sin.

He really isn't an evil goon.

Just blame it on the moon.



And as for the bridge collapse

That certainly isn't the contractor's lapse

Many died in it saving the nation

From an unseemly rise in population.



So hereby I croak and croon

For the road cave in none to blame

What if many turned lame

Blame it on the moon, blame it on the moon.

 

Iswarya, life would be unbeara ble for a lot of people without such scapegoats in the sky!