They suffer a lot,but refuse to come out of the hell they have created for themselves

They suffer a lot, but refuse to come out of the hell they have created for themselves.
It was around 10 AM.Having finished my kitchen work ,I sat down in the hall with the newspaper in my hand looking forward to spending a quiet hour reading the daily news.As my luck would have it,I heard loud noises from the flat right above us.I could hear utensils being thrown about with loud bangs,I could hear Latha’s screeching voice abusing her husband in the worst possible manner.She called him ‘a hypocrite,a cunning devil,a demon and a ‘mother’s gondu’ gondu meaning a slave.I could hear her banging her head against the wall and shouting hysterically.Slowly her shouts turned into sobs,she was sobbing while crying loudly,”Why did I marry you?What sin I committed to have married you?”and the sobs died slowly.I heaved a sigh of relief.

Incase you think that Latha must be a terrible person to screech and shout at her husband and wonder what she would not do if some one else hurt her even unwittingly,let me put it straight.Latha behaves like that only with her husband.I discovered this fact in my short association with her.She is a cordial,friendly and caring person,who is very fond of small children.No child can enter her house and return empty handed,she would give the kids chocolates,biscuits ,new pencils etc and delights in playing with them.

One evening I went to her house.It was just a friendly visit.We were chatting and having a good conversation going when her husband Gopal returned from office.He looked at his wife ,smiled and gave her a packet from a well known saree shop. “Latha,I bought this for you.See if you like it”and so saying he gave her the packet.Latha opened the packet without saying a word,took out the saree from the packet and it was no doubt a lovely saree,sky blue chanderi with silver colour border.So elegant ,an ideal party wear.Latha took one look at the saree and her face changed.

She became a different Latha whom I was seeing for the first time since my acquaintance with her.She yelled at her husband,”You wanted to tell me indirectly that Iam dark and I can wear only this colour, dull saree,no?Last week ,you bought a maroon colour saree for your sister,as a gift for her birthday and you were bragging,”My sister is so fair,this colour will suit her.”Now you have bought this wretched colour for me.So,you feel that this saree,which is like a washcloth is good enough for me?”Latha was shouting and I got up to leave.Latha took hold of my hand and made me sit.

“Aunty,this man has always been like this.When I was a newly nmarried girl I would have selectd a nice saree for myself.Bu my sister in law would want only that and my husband would take my saree and give it to her,even without asking me whether I would give that saree to her.”

“It was not the saree that mattered to me aunty,it was the fact that he did not care for my feelings that hurt me.My husband was the eldest of many siblings.He had huge responsibilities in the family.I was fully prepared to give him my support,but my mother in law did not like me one bit aunty.I had to listen to harsh words from her, from morning till night.According to her I did not know how to cook,I did not know how to give respect to the elders,I did not know how to wash and clean,it was always some thing or other.She would call me names in front of everybody.My husband who would be sitting there would simply watch what was happening to me,aunty.I would be dying in shame and at that time if my husband had supported me,if he had told his mother that was not the way to talk to me,I would not have suffered.But this man never cared for me or my feelings,aunty.I would ask him when we were alone,why did he keep quiet when his mother was so rude to me,He would simply laugh and say,”So what if my mother says a few rude words?It is her nature.Listen to it with one year and leave them through the other ear.Besides in what ways her words have affected you,tell me?You look nice and fine,you know.You don’t look like a woman who is suffering.”and he would chukle away to glory.I would be sitting there,feeling absolutely helpless aunty.This man spoilt my entire life,aunty.

She continued,”Aunty,my parents in law are no more.There is no one to taunt me now.But those words that were hurled at me hurt me even now aunty.Most of the nights I lie awake,thinking about the humiliations that I suffered at my in law’s hands.Every day I get up in the morning replaying in my mind all that happened in the past,all the humiliations that I had to suffer in silence and my husband who never cared about me.I should not have married him aunty.My marriage has become a big curse in my life.” She began to sob ,uncontrollable sobs that wrenched my heart.I sat by her side,stroked her back for a few minutes.Her husband sat there in a sofa,holding his head with both his hands.His eyes had also reddened due to the silent tears that he had shed.

The next evening I met him in the garden below.I sat by his side.After some time he opened up.He said,”Aunty,whatever my wife told you yesterday was true.Iam the eldest of a big family.When I got married my mother began to feel insecure about my affection for my parents and my siblings.She also envied my wife since she knew that I loved my wife.So she never missed an opportunity to make pinching remarks about my wife,hurl abuses on her.I just let it be,since I did not want to say anything that would create unpleasantness in the family.My mother was a tough person.I never knew that my wife took my mother’s words to heart.I never imagined that she would suffer so much .I love my wife,I try to be a caring husband.God alone should make her understand this.”He looked very sad.

I tod him,”Why don’t you take her for counseling?”He said,”No aunty,I have made this suggestion to her many times.But she does not want to see any counselor .She says,”Iam not a mad woman.”
“Don’t you think that you too need counseling?Both of you should see a counselor.”
“Aunty,you also come with us please.My wife respects you a lot”said he.

The counselor spoke to Latha in a very gentle manner.Soon Latha came out of her inhibitedness and poured her heart out to him.Chandran.the counselor listened to her patiently.Then he said,
Madam,nodoubt you have suffered mentally at a young age as a newly married bride,when you should have been happy and cheerful.I feel sorry to even listen to the humiliations you suffered at your in laws’ hands.But that happened long ago.Your good upbringing never allowed you to raise your voice against your mother I law.
Now you are the queen of your home.You have a loving caring husband and a very caring son.Now is the time for you to enjoy your role as a wife and as a mother.Why do you want to live in the past?Living in the past,reliving the past is not going to help you at all.On the otherhand you remain in the past and continue to suffer.”The counselor continued talking to Latha.I came out of the room.After about half an hour I entered the room.Chandran was concluding his session with Latha.

“Madam,Very soon your son will get married,a daughter in law will enter your home.Don’t you want to shower all your love and affection on her?Don’t you want to enjoy your role as a fine mother in law?If you remain unhappy and gloomy all the time,a new bride will find it difficult to stay in the same house with you.So,come out of the past.”The counselor closed his session .

Gopal sat opposite Dr.Chandran.
“Doctor,I love my wife.I know that I was indifferent to her feelings.I was afraid that my mother would raise a storm if I supported my wife,so I kept quiet when my mother heaped abuses on my wife.”There were tears in his eyes.Dr.Chandran looked at him with sympathy.
“Mr.Gopal,A wife looks for love and care from her husband.She wants to be assured that even if the whole world is against her, her husband will be on her side.That is enough for her,infact that is the only thing she looks for in her husband not money and other worldly comforts.You knew that your parents and siblings were almost cruel to your wife,yet you did not raise your voice against injustice done to her.You were a mere spectator.That has hurt your wife.And on top of it, whenever she tried to unburden her heart to you,you never even listened to her.
“Oh,my God,again that old Indian history.No,no.no.Don’t tell me again all your past woes” and you walked away.What will your wife do?She has bottled up all her emotions,her sadness in her heart.All that comes out now.She is helpless.
Whatever has happened has happened.Now atleast,please listen to her.Let her tell you all that she endured at the hands of your people.Allow her to unburden her heart full of miseries to you and cry.Her heart will become light.Apologise to her,tell her,”Iam sorry” in your own caressing way.That is the only thing that will help her.”

The sessions being over we came out.Gopal put his hands around his wife’s shoulders and said,”Iam sory,Latha.Iam sorry that I hurt you so much.”.Tears streamed down his cheeks.Latha shed silent tears and buried her face on her husband’s neck.I knew that things will soon be fine in their household.

There are thousands of Lathas amidst us who dwell in the past and have for company bitter memories day in and day out.I feel very sorry for them.Carrying old bitter memories is like carrying tonnes and tonnes of rotten fruit and veggies on our shoulders or like carrying corpses on our backs.Is that necessary?The past is over,we have no control over the past.Let us close the doors of the past and throw away the keys.We don’t know what will happen in the future,future is a mystery.We can only enjoy the present.Live the present,try and be cheerful,lead happy lives ,have a kind word for every one and be a pleasant person.The future will be golden days.

"Look not mournfully into the past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present; it is the thing. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without [FONT=Verdana! important]fear and[/FONT] a [FONT=Verdana! important]manly[/FONT] heart". - Longfellow ​

 

Re: They suffer a lot, but refuse to come out of the hell they have created for the

My dear ice,
May I call you by that name?
Please don't say that the MIL and the husband are not to be blamed.If the MIL felt insecure about her son's affection for the family members ,she should not have got him married.The husband behaved in a callous manner.The same man would have shed tears if his sister had experienced the same pain that his wife had to bear,in her in law's house.I detest such men.
Thank you for the fb.
Please don't mistake me for voicing my opinion my dear.In this forum we should feel free to discuss matters and exchange our thoughts.No offence meant,ok?
love
mithila