Sharing house-hold chores

Dear Ladies,

Already I had started a thread under the same title and quite a few responses also were there. But, due to IL going down for few days, the entire thread has been deleted. I just want to start the discussion again as I ahd already quoted in U.S, a recent survey has shown that sharing house-hold chores is the top reason for the survival of marriages and not even children are resons for husband and wife sticking together. To me, there is a paradox here. In western world where we have all gadgets to do the house-hold chores like automatic washing machines with powerful driers so that you get your cloths stone dry in just under two hours and all you may need to do light ironing. You have dishwashers here to clean plates, vessels and as in one advertisement they say, in dish washers you 'load , shut and forget about it'. Ofcourse, you have vacuum cleaners for cleaning carpets, floors etc. You get vegetables cleaned, cut into small pieces ready to use. You get all ready-to-eat foods even from India (MTR, Priya and other brands supply ready-to-eat idlis with sambhar, chutney, ready-to-eat all types of sadams etc.). So, even here sharing house-hold works are given importance since it brings the husband and wife together. In India, in addition to all the above I have mentioned, we also have the luxury of keeping servant maids to do cleaning with vacuum cleaners, washing machines etc.

Sharing house-hold chores mainly applies to men folks. But, with many women going for work, the roles are getting reversed. I fully agree with the concept of sharing the house-hold chores and I have lived upto my word for over 20 years of my married life. It had prepared me to meet the rigours of leading a lonely life abroad. Now, I do enjoy cooking. But, I am sad that whatever I cook, only I have to taste it. Because I was sharing the house-hold chores, I could run the family and my wife could devote all her time in her work towards uplifting Indian women. I once again recall the Tamil song and give its English translation.

ஆடிப்பாடி வேலை செஞ்சா அலுப்பிருக்காது
அதில் ஆணும் பெண்ணும் சேராவிட்டால் அழகிருக்காது

You won't feel tired doing the work singing and dancing
There is no beauty if man and woman do not join in the work

I found one impediment in sharing the work in the form of my aged mother. Belonging to an earlier generation her concept is that all house-hold chores should be done by girls and that too by DILs only. She used to comment when I shared the work,' Ippadi emanthakuliya irukaiye ella velaikaliyum iluthu pottundu' ( you are so gullible doing all the work). I had to convince her that there was nothing wrong in my doing the work since she (my wife) is helping me to make both ends meet.

I would like to get your responses to this topic of 'Sharing the house-hold chores'.

Regards,

TDU

Dear Sir,
I think you make a good husband!!
Hope everybody follows you.

~Punitha

Originally Posted by puni88

Dear Sir,
I think you make a good husband!!
Hope everybody follows you.

~Punitha

Thank you, Punitha. I am sure there are many like me. But, only they have not come out like me. Strangely, I have seen some husbands although helping their wiwes in house-hold chores, do not want it to be known to others, so that they will not laugh at them. I have heard comments like,' Oh, he! he is a pendaditydasan. He may be washing her sarees!'.

Regards,

TDU

Very interesting !!! topic
nice to read. I am happily married for 23 and half years now and i stay at home. my husband has always shared the housework with me quite happily. ofcourse i do get a lot done but he never hesitates to pitch in.
my father in law died at the age of 84 and till his last day did most of the household chores since my motherinlaw had arthritis. even when my mil was well, my fatherinlaw always helped with everything around the house. he taught me how to cut vegetables, dust corners, iron clothes and so much more. my father also to this days helps around the house more than anyone else i know .when my mom cooks, he cuts vegetables. after she finishes cooking, he loads the diswasher, cleans the kitchen countertops etc.
I always thought its this way in all the houses but afetr reading thru this forum i can see the disparity. anyway i thank god for the bleesings.
regards
anandchitra:smile:

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Very interesting !!! topic
nice to read. I am happily married for 23 and half years now and i stay at home. my husband has always shared the housework with me quite happily. ofcourse i do get a lot done but he never hesitates to pitch in.
my father in law died at the age of 84 and till his last day did most of the household chores since my motherinlaw had arthritis. even when my mil was well, my fatherinlaw always helped with everything around the house. he taught me how to cut vegetables, dust corners, iron clothes and so much more. my father also to this days helps around the house more than anyone else i know .when my mom cooks, he cuts vegetables. after she finishes cooking, he loads the diswasher, cleans the kitchen countertops etc.
I always thought its this way in all the houses but afetr reading thru this forum i can see the disparity. anyway i thank god for the bleesings.
regards
anandchitra:smile:

Thanks, anandchitra for sharing your experiences on this topic. You are really lucky to get such nice and understanding husband and in-laws.

Regards,

TDU

Actually, you need some tact to get the house-hold chores shared. The tactics used (there was no need with me) by my wife are:

1. Praising: She once told me that she does not get thin dosas made and I can make really thin dosas as she had heard my mother say. So, it was a prestige issue for me and started making dosas which I do not know were really thin. Then after every time dosas to be made the job was entrusted to me.

2. Admitting the inability: When we procured the wet grinder for making idli paste she cleverly told me ' I don't have proper knowledge of these electrical items and you are an expert'. So, to live up to that image, I started handling the machine i.e making idli pastes.

3. Clever strategy: Once we had to clean the house. She cleverly told me, 'You just start, I will come and join you' and I am still waiting for her to come and join and had to do the cleaning all by myself in the end.

There may be other tactics. if you know any please post here.

Regards,

TDU

Dear Tamil,
I found one impediment in sharing the work in the form of my aged mother. Belonging to an earlier generation her concept is that all house-hold chores should be done by girls and that too by DILs only.

I fully agree with your above quote. My mil also had the same concept. Most of the earlier generation mils had the same mentality. But my mil used to cook in the morning while I did all the household chores because she did not like to keep a servantmaid. But after retirement my hubby is helping me in a smallway. My sons are giving a helping hand to their wives. The present younger generation after going to US have changed a lot.
Pushpavalli

I thank all the ladies who posted their FBs and who viewed.

Regards,

TDU