Are you constipated?

meenasankaran · Jul 9, 2010

After years of denial, I woke up one day not too long ago and reluctantly admitted to myself that I was constipated.
Wow….hold your horses! Tear off that prescription for laxatives, my friends. My intestines are in perfect harmony, thank you very much. I am talking about emotional constipation, a rarely talked about illness in people that when left untreated can cause irreparable damage.
If you are unsure about what I am talking about, here is how you can recognize the symptoms. You are emotionally constipated if:

Hugs and kisses are as natural to you as they were for Adolf Hitler.

You would rather be seen on the cover of the 'Vogue' magazine without any make-up on than be seen breaking down and crying in front of someone.

Admitting an error on your part costs so much more than a gram of gold (which is saying a lot considering the gold price in today’s market).

After yelling at your kids for something that you know to be totally trivial and facing the aftermath of sobs, pouts and accusing glances, you still find yourself unable to give a hug and soothe away the hurt.

When your spouse comes home brimming with excitement about a new promotion at work, all you can say is ‘nice’ and pat him once on the hand in an awkward show of appreciation before turning back to the stove to continue stirring the pot of water.

Even when your heart is filled with love for …………… (fill up this space), the phrase ‘I love you’ gets stuck somewhere to the south of your throat and refuses to be spit out.

If you recognize any of the symptoms above, do not despair. All is not lost yet. When I first diagnosed myself to being afflicted with this illness, it stole my breath away. Me? Emotionally constipated? Afraid to be emotionally expressive? How could one who prided herself to be friendly and socially outgoing be such a coward? After a lot of soul-searching, I figured out something very curious. The closer I feel to a person, the more constipated I become. Go figure! Anyway, the good news is 'emotional constipation' is fully curable though it takes a bit of ingenuity in shuffling around your genes that dictate your behavior and relearn certain reflexive responses.

For example, if you think you may be afflicted with the same illness, the next time your child comes up to you and declares “Guess what mom/dad! I got an ‘A’ in my Vocabulary quiz today” and looks expectantly at you, resist the urge to give a stoic pat on the head accompanied by ‘good good’ before walking away to attend to the million mundane chores that always seem to await you. Difficult as it may be, stretch your lips wide in a smile, give a squishy hug and say ‘I am proud of you’. And watch utter joy wash over the little face.

If you are getting ready to quit before even trying by telling yourself 'I can't change my ways. It is too hard', know that there is another soul on the planet who is trying to do the same and slowly getting the hang of it. Bad habits are there just begging to be broken. As one who is genuinely attempting to recover from this illness, take my advice and practice these phrases at home every day.

I love you.
I miss you.
I am proud of you.
I am afraid of ............

They will come in handy and go a long way to help speed up your recovery. Hope you feel better soon.

Sabitha_K · Jul 9, 2010

Oh Meena ,

That is one helluva thoughtful post that you have made.

Just when I was still reeling trying to measure the length and breadth of MY world ,your post jolted me back to the REAL world.I think I have fallen in love with your style of writing and to emancipate myself from this emotional constipation ,I declare that 'I LOVE YOUR POSTS !'

Amazing wit, stupendous wisdom - all lovingly packed and timely delivered in snippets to enjoy with a cuppa of coffee everyday.Great stuff :thumbsup

P.S: I have nominated this post as 'Finest Narration' of the month

monifa13 · Jul 9, 2010

Oh Meena Sankaran - If I haven't told you so far, I want to tell you now that I just love your posts. They are superb, fantastic, brilliant,out of the world, breathtaking... Ooops! I think I am having emotional Diarrhea..:hide:
To be honest, I think you are exclusive dear...

knot2share · Jul 9, 2010

The closer you get to a person, the more constipated I become.....You are spot on there Meena. Also I LOVE YOU residing down south of the throat is so much like me. I sometimes feel like shaking myself like a big sack to empty the contents. But something resists inside me. I might even breakdown emotionally if I can let go like how you say. There is humour in your words but lot of truth in it too. I have been constipated for many many years and it might need a very strong laxative to cure somebody like me. Love your post.

Mindian · Jul 9, 2010

Hi Meena,

emotionally constipated ???? first time i am hearing of this and I think it is an apt term for those people who cannot express their feelings.:thumbsup
But i have no problem in that area..anyone can guess my mood with just one look at me...I am very generous with my " You are the best's, I love you's,I am SO proud of you....." but I do not express my sadness/hurt/fears very easily.I do not know why. maybe it is because i do not want to depress the other person too.

A good one Meena and while we are at it let me tell you you are one of the very best here and
I love having you here.

Raba · Jul 9, 2010

Hey Meena,

Thats a wonderful n thoughtful post dear!!! People say I am very expressive (sometimes it exceeds the limit:biglaugh) So as monifa said, I may suffer from emotional diarhoae:rotfl

Good one dear:cheers

ambika04 · Jul 9, 2010

Another nice post from you.I was about to post Get well soon after reading your title:bonk

hamsapriya · Jul 9, 2010

Dear meena,
yes i am emotionally constipated and it felt as if I was seeing a reflection of myself in the post. I didn't realize it till I read your post. Thanks so much for making it dawn on me. I'll try working on it though it doesn't look easy at all.

RadiantCat · Jul 9, 2010

Sorry Meena, I don't understand anything. I am definitely constipated.

tanoshii · Jul 9, 2010

That was a lovely lovely post :thumbsup...Did know the disease, but did not know what to call it..that was the perfect name for it!!!:bowdown:bowdown:bowdown

But the saddest thing is, most members of my previous generation (of course exclude all the over-emotional moms) fell into this category. And with time, in any relationship, things come to get so constipated!!!! I guess its the "taking for granted" syndrome too!!

Hope we don't catch it or if we have, better start treating it...get going and start announcing love and passing on more hugs before it gets malignant!